Stuff I Have a Problem With

26 Feb

Stuff is giving me problems, and you know what? Stuff can’t be allowed to keep going around and making people miserable! It’s time to stand up to stuff and let stuff know that this isn’t okay.

This is the stuff that drives me mad.

1. The Pit of Ignorance. Sometimes known as “the comments section on youtube.” Now first, I would like to say that some people post witty and well-worded comments on youtube, and good for them! But I think we’re all more acquainted with those comments that make you consider resigning humanity to become a hedgehog. For instance, while browsing comments on a couple of videos, I found these displays of intellectual prowess:

  • “i found it a bit weired”
  • “i the vid with the dribbling and oop to himself better.”
  • “comment ok happy”
  • “IronMan is a boring Superhero”

Can you believe that fourth one? It’s disgusting the people that are allowed on the internet.

Now, I understand that good spelling and grammar do not come easily to everyone who attempts them (or doesn’t attempt them), but for a few years now, we’ve had this magical gadget called spell-check. And it is not only awesome, it is sadly under-utilized.

2. The Impromptu Two-Person Harlem Shake. In case you have been living under a rock for the past couple of weeks (and/or not been on the internet), the Harlem Shake is a two-shot, thirty-second video of people dancing like sick giraffes. It’s awesome. But the afore-mentioned “impromptu two-person harlem shake” is not nearly as magical.

Picture this. You are walking down the middle of a hallway when you notice someone walking towards you. To avoid a head-on collision, you veer left. Motivated by the same intentions, they veer right and accidentally block you. Muttering apologies, you go right to let them pass. Simultaneously, they decide to go left. You begin to twitch in sync with your new dance partner. Your temper rises. The situation, no, your LIFE is no longer within your control.I'm only exaggerating a little.

You’re done for. You’ve been trapped in the ghastly loop of  the two-person Harlem Shake.

To be avoided at all costs.

3. The Rules of Acceptable Social Conduct. I suppose in some ways, this is actually a good institution, but some things about it are just silly. Have you  noticed how the rules change as you and people around you grow older? These tiresome rules have prevented me several times from putting people (people I don’t babysit) in time-outs, it’s not always okay to draw with chalk in public places, and apparently, it isn’t normal to fix problems with bubbles anymore after you’ve passed year thirteen.

Problems that can be fixed with bubbles when you’re 3-11 years old:

  • Boredom
  • Pain
  • Bullies
  • World hunger

Problems that can be fixed with bubbles when you’re 12+ years old:

  • Kids 

4. Patience. Okay, so patience is a good thing. It’s a virtue! It’s a fruit of the spirit! But if you tell that to any Sherlockian, Whovian, or Seahorse (and no, I’m not referring to marine animals), they will slap you so hard that you will fall back in time to before it was cool to like things before they were cool. Waiting, however wonderful it may be for your character, is hard

5. Homework. Otherwise known as “That thing I’m avoiding right now.”

… I should go.

If this stuff makes you cringe too, then know you’re not alone.

Stuff makes us all equally miserable.

 

 

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4 Responses to “Stuff I Have a Problem With”

  1. The Voyager February 27, 2013 at 12:07 am #

    You are my twin. I swear. *hug*

    • Emory February 27, 2013 at 1:05 am #

      *hugs back* Thanks, sis!

  2. Gracie March 22, 2013 at 10:25 pm #

    I do believe you just wrote the story of my life, dearest!
    I had the opportunity to do the real Harlem Shake at my youth group the other night and, yes, it was magical. However, I get into the perpetual pit of impromptu two-person Harlem Shake at least once a week, and even if my day had been made earlier, the moment is now gone. And seriously, why can bubbles no longer fix everything?! The person who established that and the sidewalk chalk rule (because seriously, it had to be the same person, right?) successfully managed to crush all of my childhood fantasies, kill my young adult life, and murder all my hopes and dreams in one hard, brutal blow. What a sad day.
    Anyways, my most sincere apologies for writing you a novel! Thank you from the depths of my heart for brightening my day (:

    • Emory March 22, 2013 at 11:06 pm #

      Aw, you rule. I’m glad you enjoyed the post! You can write me a novel whenever you darn well please. 🙂

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