Dear Internet (AKA: The Conversation Everyone Has with the World Wide Web at Some Point)

3 Mar

Hello Internet.

I think it’s time we talked.

Please don’t get nervous, I know everyone dreads “the talk.” But I really need to know.

Internet, where is this relationship going?

I mean, hardly a day has gone by in the past year when we haven’t seen each other. It’s not like we don’t talk, but we never really communicate. Every time I think we’re making some progress, you always seem to change the subject. Remember yesterday? I was just trying to talk to you about organization and you were all, “Hey, have you heard about ‘Busty Girl Problems’? They’re freaking hilarious.”

And they were, man. They were.  But that isn’t the issue.

I’ve been trying to focus on school lately, you know that. So why is it you call me late at night just to hang out? It’s sweet, I understand that! Any woman would want someone so devoted. But to be perfectly honest, if we have to hang out in Google Chrome one more late night when I’m trying to do my homework, I’m going to puke.

And your friends! I don’t mean to be rude, but Facebook is ruining my life! Have you ever really spoken to that guy? He won’t. Stop. Gossiping. It’s gotten to the point where everyone he talks about I end up hating. I can’t tell if he just makes them look bad or if they really do suck as much as he makes them seem!

Youtube isn’t so bad, but once you start talking to him, you just can’t stop. He’s all, “Hey, if you like talking about Dr. Horrible, why not talk about Doctor Who or Sherlock or Lizzie Bennet?” And I’m like, “We’re already talking about Dr. Horrible though,” And he says, “It’s okay, I’ll just add it to our list of things to talk about later,” and I say, “You even have one of those? But I have homework!” and he says, “It’s okay, when I stop for breath you can pretend to read.”

I’m not going to complain about Tumblr. We’ve actually been pretty tight since I found out we like a lot of the same stuff. Even if I am pretty sure the lights are not all on upstairs. And I think she may be a stalker. She has a lot of pictures she shouldn’t have.

Pinterest. Don’t get me started. That woman is one crazy maniac. She thinks she knows everything about everything, but she’s always misquoting people and pretending to be something she’s not.

You sure can pick ‘em, Internet.

Maybe we aren’t as good together as I thought we were. I thought we were going to work as a team and achieve things we couldn’t do alone. But you don’t need me, do you? And you’re really not helping me as much as I feel I deserve in this relationship.

Don’t give me that look.

Stop. You know that pictures of kittens don’t work on me anymore. I’ve moved on.

Thank you for accepting that. That’s very mature. See? We’re two adults.

Well, one.

Half of one. Whatever.

What’s that? You have some inspirational quotes for me to help me on my journey?

Thanks.

Maybe we do deserve another try.

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5 Responses to “Dear Internet (AKA: The Conversation Everyone Has with the World Wide Web at Some Point)”

  1. Paige Andrea March 4, 2013 at 5:21 pm #

    This is amazing and hilarious! Love it! (Ugh, Pinterest, that know-it-all!)

    • Emory March 22, 2013 at 11:00 pm #

      Augh, isn’t she?
      😀 Thanks so much!

  2. Gemma May 25, 2013 at 11:16 pm #

    The kitten pictures is what always draws me back 😦 😛 Sorry for the stream of notifications, I am so glad I came across you blog, I’m having so much fun reading your posts! 🙂 You have yourself a new stalker…… I mean follower 😉

    • Emory May 26, 2013 at 8:46 am #

      I’m so glad you’ve enjoyed your stay at my blog! Yours is pretty darn spectacular as well! 🙂

      • Gemma May 26, 2013 at 11:32 pm #

        Why thankyou 😀 Yay, I have a new stalker too! 😀

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