Trailer Breakdown for Robocop

7 Sep

Two days ago, the official trailer for Robocop was released. This movie is a remake of the 1987 film (also called Robocop, rated R), the movie that set the standard for cheesy action figure wardrobe designs. The jury is still out on whether this remake movie is a brilliant idea or a terrible one, and you’re welcome to form your own opinion.

As it turns out though, I’ve realized that so far, I’ve only done trailer breakdowns for movies/shows that I’m excited about. That seems rather discriminatory. I’m an equal-opportunities blogger, after all. It’s time to analyze Robocop.

Detroit, Michigan, 2028.

*Sirens*

robo_1

Fifteen years. Fifteen years, and the world looks nothing like it did in Disney’s Meet the Robinsons. What a disappointment.robo_2

Dear people who live in Detroit:

Move.
robo_3

Bring in the cops?robo_4

I’m sorry, that was unintentionally insensitive of me.robo_5

“This is Detective Alex Murphy, officer down!”robo_6

Ben Affleck Batman.
robo_7

“We are on the eve of a technological revolution.”

Nick Fury! Okay, I can get behind that.

robo_8

Robocop: Starring the tech from the Iron Man movies. And Nick Fury from the Iron Man movies. You know what this movie needs? Iron Man from the Iron Man movies.
robo_9

It never is.
robo_10

“We need to get Americans to rally behind this.”robo_11

robo_12

As Ivan Vanko from Iron Man 2 would say, “Drones better.”

We interrupt this set-up to bring you uneasy happiness.
robo_13

What a sweet family. I’m glad they’re so happy and safe and secure in their future.robo_14

*Car alarm sounds*

Get it under control, man. People are trying to sleep here.robo_15

*Car alarm continues*

Don’t open the-

Is this your first car? Listen, just hit the unlock button on your key. It works wonders.
robo_16

“PKRSSSHHHH”

Oh.robo_17

I’m being very insensitive today. Please excuse me.robo_18

“We’re gonna put a man inside a machine.”

What an original idea. I’m sure it couldn’t go wrong.robo_19

Hospitals in 2028 get far less efficient in their use of space, apparently.

“He’s suffered fourth-degree burns over 80% of his body…”

robo_20

“… If he survives, he will be paralyzed from the waist down.”

robo_21

“You say you can save him; what does that mean? What kind of life will he have?”robo_22

*Dramatic musical swelling*

Have I seen this scene before?

Mmm. Okay. Moving on.

robo_23

“The hell did you do to me?”

robo_24

Oh, you know, made you into a cyborg. The balding dude behind the desk thought it was a great idea. I don’t know why you’re so upset.robo_25

Oh, you like that visor? It’s triggered by murderous thoughts. I thought it was a nice touch.

robo_26

“Make him more tactical, make him look, uh… Let’s go with black.”robo_27

Good call, balding dude. The gray suit was way too frilly. No one would have taken him seriously.

“When the machine fights, the system releases signals into Alex’s brain, making him think he’s in control.”robo_28

“But he’s not.”robo_29

“It’s the illusion of free will.”

“Oh, well, that seems foolproof.”

My main problem with future-based movies is that every character seems to have never seen a future-based movie.
robo_30

“I’ve selected thirteen targets all wanted for murder.”

Thirteen? In one crowd?

Detroit goes waaay downhill in the next fifteen years, everyone. Spread the word.
robo_31

“This is the future of American justice.”

Nick Fury, darling. You’re better than this.

And balder than this.

robo_32

Go go gadget heat vision!robo_33

I hate to be nitpicky (that’s a lie), but I’m of the opinion that no movie with the prefix “robo” should have been allowed to come out after 1999.robo_34

“Alex!”

Stop in the name of loooverobo_35

“You need to speak to your son.”robo_36

“Anything for justice, Ma’am.”robo_37

MGM and Columbia Pictures, I believe.
robo_38

I’m sorry, Robocop, does your suit spontaneously generate weapons?

On an unrelated note, what do I have to do to get my car to blow up? robo_39

robo_40

Can’t we all just get along? I know plenty of perfectly happy cyborgs.

robo_47

“Somehow, he’s overriding the system’s priorities.”

Again with the whole “I’ve-never-seen-a-movie-before” thing.

robo_42

Do I see something exploding? How did the movie industry know I liked that?

robo_43

Something else exploding! Can I pre-order my ticket now?

Coming February 2014
robo_46

Oh wait, that’s not right.
robo_44

Sorry about that little mix-up there.robo_45At least it’s not in 3D.

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13 Responses to “Trailer Breakdown for Robocop”

  1. Kire September 7, 2013 at 4:14 pm #

    I laughed really hard at the Inspector Gadget “mix-up” and how Nick Fury should quit with the less than bald act. Keep existing, you brilliant lady!

    • Emory September 7, 2013 at 6:46 pm #

      Thank you ever so much, dearie! You know, I think I will keep existing. Because you asked.

      • Kire September 9, 2013 at 5:41 pm #

        Aw, shucks. You’re making me blush!

  2. Merrilee Lewis September 8, 2013 at 1:18 pm #

    HA!! Fabulous review 🙂

    • Emory September 8, 2013 at 9:17 pm #

      Hee hee! Thaaaanks!

  3. Emily C. September 8, 2013 at 8:24 pm #

    As usual, that was dang hilarious. I love how I went ‘bwuh?’ in the beginning at you doing… ‘Robocop’? But then all the captions were typically on the mark, and the whole Nick Fury thing…. loved it. 😀 (and yes, I kinda blinked and head-tilted at his hair, too) ;D

    • Emory September 8, 2013 at 9:17 pm #

      Haha! Aww, I’m so happy you liked it! 🙂 and I read “bwuh” in Scooby Doo’s voice, so now I’m extra happy.

  4. The Voyager September 17, 2013 at 11:29 am #

    This incredibly sardonic side of you…

    *assumes persona of the cloned Santa from Santa Clause 2, while he drinks hot cocoa*

    I LIKE IT.

    • Emory September 17, 2013 at 4:22 pm #

      You like that? There’s more where that came from.

      • The Voyager September 17, 2013 at 4:28 pm #

        Yes, yes, good, good.

  5. Wasp November 29, 2013 at 2:36 pm #

    When I first saw this, the friend sitting next to me was saying, “So they’re just remaking the Iron Man movies then?” xD

    • Emory November 30, 2013 at 12:26 pm #

      Hahahaha! You begin to wonder if maybe this idea has been a little bit played-out, no?

      • Wasp December 4, 2013 at 11:25 pm #

        Liiiiiiittle bit, yeah ;P

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