Trailer Breakdown for X-Men: Days of Future Past

29 Oct

First off: this is more new trailers per month than my tiny heart is equipped to handle.

On that note, welcome to yet another film flying the Marvel flag – X-Men: Days of Future Past.  I am stoked. Be stoked with me. The official trailer is here, (watch it as many times as you need to) but the rest of the (admittedly low-key and internet-based) party is right here, so come back around when you’re finished.
x_1

[Sad music begins]x_2

[Sad music continues, oddly out of place for such a joyous sequence]x_3

Charles Xavier voiceover:

“What’s the last thing you remember?x_4

Wolverine’s face, mostly.x_5

Aw, lovely Storm, so good to see you again!x_6

I had a glimpse into the past.”x_7

That ain’t the past, friend. I would remember that facial hair. Congratulations, by the way, Iceman, you no longer look twelve, and we all really appreciate it.x_8

Especially Kitty. Kitty really appreciates it.x_9

And don’t worry, I sure Rogue appreciates from a distance.

x_10

“You’re going to have to do for me what I once did for you.”x_11

“You need me as well.”

Said the guy we last saw mostly stripped of his powers, playing chess by himself in a park full of old men.x_12

Bishop!
x_13

Sunspot!
x_14

Warpath?x_15

Blink?!

You guys, the thing I normally complain about after I see a Marvel movie is that they left out a lot of characters.

I guess this time I’ll just complain about how sad the music made me.
x_16

“Side by side to end this war – before it ever begins.”
x_17 x_18

“So, I wake up in my younger body and then what?”

You say that like you haven’t been thirty-four for the past hundred years. If anyone can handle waking up in a younger body, it’s you.x_19

“Find me. convince me all this.

X-Men: Days of Future Past – In which Charles Xavier dresses up like Ron Burgundy from Anchorman. (In case you needed extra incentive to watch this movie)
x_20

“It’s going to take the two of us.”

Said the guy last seen mostly stripped of his powers, playing chess by himself in a park full of old men.

“And where do I find you?”

x_21

“A different past. A darker past.”x_22

Katniss crying makes me want to cry. Mystique! Mystique crying. Okay, that doesn’t really make me want to cry.

The music does, though.x_23

“Logan, I was a very different man.

Mm, yeah, you were a young Scottish heartthrob with salon-quality hair. Or are you referring to that time you mind-forced people into doing things for you? x_24

Lead me.
x_25

Guide me.

You’re talking to Wolverine, bub.
x_26

Be patient with me.”

Again: Wolverine.
x_27

“Patience isn’t my strongest suit.”

See?x_28

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

(Marvel’s favorite color seems to be tesseract blue, in case you were wondering.)

x_29

Explosions!x_30

Flotation!x_31

Riots where people are wearing some dang fabulous attire!x_32

The President of the united States!x_33

Okay, you got me. This entire “breakdown” thing has just been a front – this is actually an appreciation post for the face of the hefty man on the left. I want a sequel about this guy. We could call it “Hired Gun” and it would be an entirely different genre.

And they’d probably have less depressing music, too.
x_34

Oh, there we go. Shirtless, shot-almost-to-death Hugh Jackman, or it isn’t an X-Man movie.x_35

Dang, Xavier, you’re hard work young.
x_36

I don’t actually know what’s happening in this scene, but if the music’s any indication, it’s heartbreaking.x_37

In which Rogue finally comes around to appreciate Iceman’s facial hair up close. Also, gets dragged away to safety. Multitasking is a great skill to have.
x_39

 Yeah, Mystique, you don’t stand out in this all-human crowd at all.
x_40

Yeah, Mystique, you don’t stand out in this entirely freaking-the-heck-out crowd at all.x_41

Drowning Magneto. That should convince the humans that you aren’t violent!
x_42

I feel safer already!x_43

TRASK YOU COTTON-HEADED NINNY MUGGINS NO ONE LIKES YOU GO HOMEx_44

You can stay, Storm. Your hair looks exciting.x_45

“I don’t want your suffering!

Dang son, Blink did really well in the transition from comic to movie. Of course, an explosion never really hurts.
x_46

I don’t want your future!”

What, you don’t want to lose your hair? I don’t blame you.x_47

More shirtless Wolverine for those of you who were getting bored. The X-Men franchise must have some sort of trademark on the screaming-in-pain face by now, right?
x_48

I’m sorry, but I can’t get a slip ‘n’ slide image out of my mind.x_49

Okay, Magneto is pulling her towards him, sure, but, as far as I can tell, she isn’t exactly wearing any metal zippers on her clothes…x_50

Did he get more attractive? Not cool. Not cool at all. This goes against everything I know.x_51

x_52

… In which Xavier and Magneto act like teenage girls angry at their parents.

[Meanwhile, mournful music build to mournful climax]

black

silencex_54

“Please. We need you to hope again.”x_55

GUUUUYS

That was just kind of REALLY GOOD
x_56That’s soon! Right? Someone tell me that’s soon.

Please.

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12 Responses to “Trailer Breakdown for X-Men: Days of Future Past”

  1. Merrilee G Lewis October 29, 2013 at 9:54 am #

    another fabulous trailer review – 🙂

    • Emory October 29, 2013 at 11:14 am #

      Thank you!

  2. HBubbles October 29, 2013 at 10:42 am #

    “Hired Gun.” I would watch that. I’d buy the poster with that face on it, no less.
    Again, another fabulous trailer, another fabulous breakdown (etc, etc, the usual).
    I’m completely with you on the too-many-trailers-thing. Good Lord. I only have the one countdown clock in the house. Are you telling me I have to buy more?!

    Also… random question. Are you on Polyvore?

    • Emory October 29, 2013 at 11:17 am #

      Thank you ever so much! I feel like Hired Gun would do pretty well at the box offices. Though, yes, the posters would be the best part. If this becomes a thing, I demand a cut of the ticket prices.
      And why yes, I do have a Polyvore! (A link to my profile is on my Join Me page.) Do you have one?

      • HBubbles October 29, 2013 at 1:03 pm #

        (change.org) (just say’n’) ;D

        Actually, I do, though I haven’t used it in literally months. I ask because my username is therandomword — back when I was much younger (in maturity, not exactly age). And I think I actually followed you!

      • Emory November 1, 2013 at 9:13 am #

        heyhey, awesome, I’ll look for your ghost town account! 🙂

  3. nattydreadful October 29, 2013 at 12:43 pm #

    So, basically, my day is made twice. 1. Watches trailer. 2. Reads your thoughtful and insightful commentary on said trailer.
    Absolutely hysterical — thanks so much for the post!

    • Emory October 29, 2013 at 7:18 pm #

      D’aww, thank you so much, love! 🙂

  4. Kayla Sanchez October 29, 2013 at 12:50 pm #

    Okay, I’m going to take notes for my responses as I read. This just works better for me 😉

    Did not know that was iceman. I totally thought it looked like the Obi-Wan Kenobi guy from Jack the Giant Slayer
    So happy to see Kitty again!!!
    Good to know the names for all those – I didn’t recognize them!
    Ah yeah, no patience at all. Good luck with that one, X.
    Tesseract blue. I’m totally painting my room that color
    I want that movie. “Hired Gun.” Because Emory said so 😉
    Don’t you know that shirtless and bullet-riddled is in his contract?
    Michael Fassbender is always attractive. Antichrist of the ovaries. There is no escape
    And Magneto does what Magneto wants. No zippers? Psh, he’ll latch onto the iron in your blood.
    Wait, I thought it was 2015 that this was released? Holy crap I can’t handle this. 2014. Oh my god.

    • Emory November 1, 2013 at 9:12 am #

      Iceman DOES look a little like Ewan McGregor there! That’s probably why I like his facial hair so much, isn’t it…
      Hahahahahaha! Oh, dear, antichrist of the ovaries. Yeah.
      I forgot about the iron in the blood thing!
      AND I KNOW RIGHT 2014

  5. Wasp November 1, 2013 at 3:46 pm #

    PFEW!!!! Well, that wore the heck out of me!

    “Cotton Headed Ninny Muggins” and “Your hair looks exciting” well played… well played (:

    • Emory November 1, 2013 at 10:36 pm #

      Hey thanks there, my love! 🙂

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