Shiny and New You

2 Jan

There are a lot of reasons to be happy about this time of the year.

  • 2014 still feels shiny and new
  • No more Christmas-flavored hallmark movie puke
  • The Doctor Who Christmas special was ripped off like a bandaid
  • Everyone is still upholding their respective New Year resolutions
  • “New year, new me” is still a viable excuse for everything

For real.

“Why haven’t you cleaned this room since December?”

“New year, new me.”

“Why haven’t you made any progress in your life plans?”

“New year, new me.”

“Why are you eating fish fingers in custard and pasting pictures of Matt Smith all over our ceiling?”

“New year, new me.”

And of course, another nice thing about holidays is that they give you an immediate small-talk option. No matter how much you dislike this cheap form of conversation, I’ve noticed that to function as a human being, you have to have some grasp of how it works.

Thankfully for everyone who is as bad at small-talk as I am, the next couple of days are ready to go, because not only do we have a cookie-cutter question for conversation lulls, but also an inquiry that we’re sure to be asked to be asked in return – so start practicing your responses now!

(insert any quip about social anxiety, if you like)

Here you go:

“Do you have any New Year’s resolutions?”

I’m sure you’ve already indulged in this brand of conversation fodder already,but if you’re as tenacious as I know you are capable of being (and have enough different people to ask), you can probably still stretch it out for at least three more days.

And of course, remember to have your own answer(s) ready. If you can’t think of one, I recommend logging into facebook for a second and picking any one of the dozens of internet people who have already given you their resolutions completely unsolicited.

That’s what friends are for.

Throw in a couple of your own, of course. You set those goals. Shoot for the moon, right? Or, as I read it the other day,

“Don’t shoot for the moon. Shoot to beat the spread by the thinnest of margins.”

Not ambitious, but realistic, I suppose.

Everyone talks about setting “realistic” resolutions.

I hate that word, “realistic.” There are far too many times when it has been used to crush the desire to do something fantastical like “slay a dragon,” “build a spaceship,” or “stop procrastinating.” It’s such Phineas and Ferb-esque dreams that fuel greatness, and they are quickly repressed by the iron-clad and wholly uninteresting word, “realistic.”

Perhaps this is just me, but I’ve noticed that when I buckle down and make the decision to set realistic resolutions, my standards for myself drop down to Hobbit stature immediately. I go from writing my ambitious resolutions in calligraphy to trying to be realistic and I start scribbling things like “don’t die as a result of poor driving of a stick-shift” or “update blog a minimum of once per week month year.”

“Realistic” can have the power to round everything to the lowest common denominator. Just remember that there is a difference between “realistic” and “commonplace,” and you don’t want to blur that line. Nothing is really impossible.

If everything is possible, then “realistic” holds no power over you.

So do it.

Slay a dragon. Build a spaceship. Stop procrastinating. There’s a whole lot of stuff to do before 2015 starts next January, and you can do it all.

And if anyone questions you, you know what to do.

“New year, new me.”

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4 Responses to “Shiny and New You”

  1. HBubbles January 2, 2014 at 12:49 pm #

    Day made. Off to tour on Broadway while becoming a best-selling author. Also, please tell any dragons you see that we moved the meeting to Tuesday.
    You’re the best. Happy New Year!

    • Emory January 2, 2014 at 1:32 pm #

      Yes! All the best be with you on your goal-reaching! Oh and also, your dreams are the best dreams. Take me with you? Happy 2014, Beautiful!

  2. Sherlock January 2, 2014 at 1:06 pm #

    Love the tip about small talk. Never is easy interacting with normal people, especially since practically everyone is so stupid. Holidays, New Year, bah…
    Sherlock

    • Emory January 2, 2014 at 1:26 pm #

      I’m glad you could benefit from the tip. By the way, don’t you have a new season coming up soon? I’m rather excited to catch up on your antics again.
      Small-talk on, brother.

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