“It’s a Three-[Episode] Problem.”

26 Jan

Today in America, Sherlock season three, episode two, airs officially for the first time.

Today in the UK, or for everyone who has successfully tricked their computers into thinking it is the UK, it’s just another day in the new age of Sherlock hiatus.

Nine episodes from 2010 to 2014…

And welcome back to the waiting room, everybody.

Anyhow, due to the unpredictable nature of the internet and its inhabitants, if you have not properly watched the whole series yet, chances are you’ve at least had some element of it spoiled for you.

If you have not, simply continue reading and I promise that you will.

(That was a warning to the spoiler-shy. Be gone with you.)

I’m not trying to run a review blog here (for lots of reasons), but I need to talk about these episodes. I can’t not talk about these episodes. However, after several years of knowing myself, I’m aware that my tendency to wax eloquent (some pretty words for “never shut up until banned from all forms communication”) will force any conversation of mine about Sherlock into the space of novels, rather than chapters.

To be fair, there’s just too much to talk about – the Moriarty-Mind-Asylum, Sherlock’s even-more-of-a-jerk-than-usual bit, Molly’s serious over-correction after getting over Sherlock (meat dagger?), Mycroft’s unrealistic weight loss expectations…

Anyway, to take it all down a bit for post form, I’ve decided to condense each Sherlock season three episode into a study on one sentence, then two, then three.

Because that’s how many episodes there are.

Just three.

(weeps quietly)

The Empty Hearse:

  • So we actually never find out how he did it?

Fine, we got the most credible solution at the end – but not from the mouth of Sherlock so much as from the Sherlock-flavored mind of a severely cray-cray Anderson. Rude. I think Sherlock, of all people, would be able to disregard John’s little “I don’t care how you did it” speech (speak for yourself) and tell him anyway.

No artist can resist signing his work.

The Sign of Three:

  • Choosing Sherlock as the best man is simultaneously the best and worst decision John has ever made.

I would pay good money to have someone (Sherlock) flip over the reception table mid-speech, go “Let’s play MURDER,” and then proceed to solve the crime of the uncomfortably tight mandated belts.

It’s also worth mentioning that this episode made me irrationally afraid of ever wearing my own belts ever again.



His Last Vow:

  • Magnussen made me want to sanitize everything I own.

Fantastic villain.

And by fantastic, I mean, utterly disgusting. However, a good friend of mine did critique the episode by saying she felt like she didn’t hate Magnussen enough.

I pretended to understand.

I don’t understand.

(And yes, I really should have that on a t-shirt)

  • Oh sweet mother of pearl, Mary Watson, what the heck.

Surprise, everyone. I know that a lot of us were suspicious when Sherlock deduced her to be a liar in episode 1 (along with a number of other things identified by the Sherlock-vision floating deductions), but I definitely saw no words reading “crazy-pants assassin” flying around her pretty face.

  • And in answer to the episode’s final question,

I present to you a short text-message exchange between a friend and I.


13 Responses to ““It’s a Three-[Episode] Problem.””

  1. rawkstar48 January 26, 2014 at 2:01 pm #

    I died after these episodes. I still freaking love Mary and YES I MISSED YOU I DID I REALLY DID. And that kiss…What I loved most about the Empty Hearse was that it was basically just a compilation of fanfictions that Moffat and Gatiss created to prove that they love their fans. It was amazing.

    • Emory January 27, 2014 at 8:56 am #

      I died as well. And Mary! I was so prepared to hate her guts after her unveiling, but she really seems to love John, so I love her as well. And John was such a gentleman about that situation. “Is Mary Watson good enough for you?”asdjkf;ladjfk

  2. Merrilee G Lewis January 26, 2014 at 4:08 pm #

    If only there were more……….. *sigh*

    • Emory January 27, 2014 at 8:48 am #

      Preaching to the choir.

  3. Shahrazad January 26, 2014 at 6:42 pm #

    1) I hated Sherlock in the first episode. “I know you’re a jerk, but… really? And I waited so long for you to come back and you never explained how you did it and you were mean to John.”
    2) I loved Sherlock in the second episode. “I have never seen you speechless before! I really wish I was invited to your wedding, John.” That episode is now one of my favorites.
    3) Emory! Show me how to make my computer even more British! I really regret reading that spoiler! (And I was extremely suspicious of Mary and knew that something would come from her being a liar.)

    You are welcome to talk all you want about Sherlock with (or at) me.

    • Emory January 27, 2014 at 9:07 am #

      AA SPOILERS yes
      I have sent you a trillion links as of last night, so you should be set for a while, unless they get taken down. If they do, let me know, and I will send you many more.

      • Shahrazad January 27, 2014 at 12:56 pm #

        Your awesome. And it is my own fault that I read the spoilers. 🙂

    • Emily C. February 6, 2014 at 11:14 pm #

      #1 and #2 – This! Eeeeeee! o.o ^_^
      Finally getting to read this entry after seeing the last ep, and your comment was pretty much my reply, as I scrolled down, ha. Almost a bit too much ‘jumping around’ ‘fandom’ stuff in the first one, but still some ‘wow’ moments Except for #3 – simultaneous copious amounts of ‘wth’ and ‘omg!’ and heart-rending by all the characters.

      (also, fun entry… and awesome Budapest ref thrown in there! ;D)

  4. aveselka January 27, 2014 at 7:53 am #

    Completely accurate!!!!!!

    • Emory January 27, 2014 at 9:08 am #

      Thanks so much! I have a lot of feelings about this show. 🙂

  5. aveselka January 29, 2014 at 7:51 am #

    I think we can agree that both Sherlock and Doctor Who hits us with feels!!!

  6. Sherlock January 29, 2014 at 4:41 pm #

    Good Lord I missed him.

    • Emory January 29, 2014 at 4:45 pm #

      Then you are in very good company.

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