Language Tutoring

17 Feb

I don’t speak sports.

I feel so un-worldly when I’m reminded of this.

Whenever the people around me start speaking fluent sports, and I have to be the stereotypical girl going, “Sorry, could you say that slower?”

The recentish Superbowl and currently-unfolding Olympics are good examples. At the Superbowl, I casually rooted for the Seahawks and was casually delighted when they grinded the Broncos into a pulp, but I can’t say I watched any more than ten seconds of the game at a time.

(Actually, I think I speak for a couple other people out there when I say the only reasons I tuned in for Superbowl Sunday were the Captain America: The Winter Soldier, The Amazing Spider-Man 2, and Tom Hiddleston In A Helicopter Drinking Tea Superbowl trailers.)

“A stiff upper lip is key.”

With the Olympics, my response is rather similar. I mean, of course I’m watching events and rooting for the USA.

(I’m not a terrorist)

The whole concept of the Olympics is magnificent, and nobody really disagrees with said fact (cough*terrorists*cough). But I do wish I got more pumped about the whole spectacle – I think it comes to down to an altogether lack of plot.

But some people, as I’m sure you’ve noticed if you know a few of what we call homo sapiens, really, really like sports. Everyone has an area of expertise as far as conversation goes, and a certain sports and/or sports is a very common one.

Take pastors, for example. They, like everyone, have their own areas of expertise. I had one several years ago who liked to throw up clips from Men in Black and Lord of the Rings when he thought it helped his point, and even if it didn’t exactly, I always enjoyed those Sunday mornings.

However, a different pastor, a guest speaker at my church a couple weeks ago, is one of those sports fans we’ve heard so much about, and half of his sermon was a football analogy. I tracked, but I was pretty grumbly about the whole ordeal, mentally griping at him about his connecting with a few people at the cost of alienating others (And obviously, this whole “church” institution is for me alone, so he should clean up his act).

And then I realized something truly horrific.

This. This is what people must feel like when I make a fandom reference.

That, my friend, is a serious problem.

I don’t worry about that on here, of course, if you can’t stand my subject choice, you can feel free to close the web page anytime you please – but in real life, I have indeed been annoying in this way before.

Shocker, isn’t it.

At least pastors don’t hunt me down, open a conversation with an obscure football reference and then proceed to tell me to at least try football because “OHMYGOSH it’s so good, it’s got these really complex players, and you never know what’s going to happen next, and when you start to love it you can come to my house and we’ll have a football marathon, eat football-themed foods, tell each other football-themed pick-up lines, and we’ll collectively try to convert more and more people to our cult fanbase!”

It’s like looking into a terrible football-flavored mirror.

See now, I say that football is the opposite of things I understand.

But I think I understand the people who love it way more than I ever meant to.

I once shared an airplane flight with a kid who adored golf, and when he found out the in-flight entertainment was free viewing of the golf channel, he was ecstatic. I remember trying my darnedest to detect hints of sarcasm.

I mean, excited about golf? Excited about watching golf? He even mumbled, as he set up his iPad to watch the channel, “it’s kind of the only reason I would watch TV.”

Oh, cool, I thought, there goes hours of my best conversation fodder.

Which makes me sad.

What I do speak, I speak rather well. However, as a friend of the family put it best,

“… my second language is just speaking louder.”

You don’t want to talk about my favorite pieces of story-telling? Um, then *ahem* DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY FAIR LADY? OR WOULD YOU RATHER HEAR ABOUT SCIENCE FICTION HEY COME BACK

I have found myself being a jerk about a lot of things that other people love, but I never cease to be frustrated and hurt when people are jerks about what I love.

That’s a little bit backward.

For those predispositions to even out, I need to change one.

I don’t know if any of you share this cross with me, but if not, that’s okay – this has mainly been a stern slap across the wrist for myself.

I need to learn a couple other languages.

11 Responses to “Language Tutoring”

  1. Kire February 17, 2014 at 1:04 pm #

    Oaf! Right int the hearts. I feel like I do this too…. Except I do have a tenancy to love parts of the Olympics and parts of football. (Mainly the commercials.) And by the way, I found these and it made me happy and I thought you might like them too. :)))))) Enjoy.

    • Emory February 17, 2014 at 1:41 pm #

      *gasp* Director’s Cut? You know me too well, my darling. 🙂 Many thanks!

      • Kire February 17, 2014 at 1:48 pm #

        Many welcomes!

  2. HBubbles February 18, 2014 at 11:07 am #

    Ooh, too true. A slap on the wrist indeed… I need to be more careful about this. Thank you for the message!

    • Emory February 19, 2014 at 12:19 pm #

      We can work together on it then. Thanks for reading!

  3. Emily C. February 18, 2014 at 11:45 am #

    Oi…. seriously… 😛 Again, love it, and sheepishly amused, since I hear ya there. I even laughingly quipped about it to my mom the other day – how come it’s okay for sports fans to be all loudly ‘Woooo!’ about their stuff, but ‘weird’ for geeks to (except with other geeks or at cons, I guess?) and she found my point amusingly appropriate.

    I really like what John Green said about it, really. Reminding myself we all have a “thing”, no matter what it is, even if I may feel silly about mine, and not “get” others, but appreciate it all the same: “…because nerds like us are allowed to be unironically enthusiastic about stuff… Nerds are allowed to love stuff, like jump-up-and-down-in-the-chair-can’t-control-yourself love it. Hank, when people call people nerds, mostly what they’re saying is ‘you like stuff.’ Which is just not a good insult at all. Like, ‘you are too enthusiastic about the miracle of human consciousness’.”

    • Emory February 19, 2014 at 12:20 pm #

      I totally agree with that first part! I just occasionally take it a bit far. And thank you for quoting John Green in my comments bar. Always glad to see him. 🙂
      Everyone has their owl personal brand of that “stuff” that they need to be enthusiastic about!

  4. Invisable Woman February 19, 2014 at 10:12 am #

    You’re right. Of course you’re right. But did you honestly have to come bursting into my securely self-righteous fortress of indignant non-sportiness to tell me so?! #seriously

    Incidentally though… Hiddleston’s drinking tea in a heli!

    • Emory February 19, 2014 at 12:23 pm #

      If I damaged your fortress, I probably still have some room for you in mine! 😛 I love to talk about destroying it, but as I have found, it’s a little harder to actually persist in taking a hammer to the walls. Keep me accountable next time I’m a jerk in front of you?
      And thank you for the kind words! And I always appreciated some helicopter Hiddleston. 🙂

  5. Jennifer Hilty December 19, 2014 at 11:38 am #

    This really made me think. I must indeed be careful not to overload uninterested people on details about my favorite things, as well.

    • Emory December 31, 2014 at 1:16 pm #

      I’m still working on that…

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