Trailer Breakdown for Guardians of the Galaxy

19 Feb

Welcome, family, friends, and fangirls/boys.

Coming up on the horizon is a new Marvel movie, and a pretty bold one, considering that it introduces five new characters to the cinematic universe that it has never seen before. So, as would be expected, there’s a fair amount of introduction footage in this preview, as opposed to other Avengers trailers, which basically just have to say, “Loki is in this one, give us your  money.”

The official teaser was released yesterday morning, an exhaustive nineteen seconds, six of which were dedicated to title sequences. This special-effects-flavored snack held us over until supper, and now? Join me in welcoming, analyzing, over-analyzing, and going on rabbit trails that ultimately have nothing to do with the full trailer for Guardians of the Galaxy.

gog_1

The  noble silhouette – always a fine way to introduce a hero.

gog_3

Or, you know, this guy.
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Well done, Peter Quill. You’ve unlocked the badge “Discount Indiana Jones!” gog_5

“Drop it! Now!”

gog_6

“It belongs in a museum!”

“Yeah! Hey, cool man, no problem. No problem! At! All!”

It takes a big man to admit he’s been beat.

Or, you know, this guy.gog_7

“Who are you?”*

*The question every wannabe superhero dreams of being asked**

**Trust me, I knowgog_8

“Starlord.”gog_9

“Who?”gog_10

“Starlord, man! Legendary outlaw?”

Face it, honey, you’re no Harriet Jones, Prime Minister.gog_11

gog_12

“Forget it.”

A for effort and delivery. It’s what’s inside that counts.
gog_13

*angel chorus that always accompanies Marvel sequence*

*I’m not the only person that hears that, right?*gog_15

“We arrested these five on Xandar, check out the rap sheets.”

Good. Thank you. Jotunheim and Svartalfheim weren’t hard enough to say.
gog_16

“Drax, AKA the Destroyer. Since his wife and family were killed, he’s been on a rampage across the galaxy in a search for vengeance.”

Everybody – Drax: Abridged Versiongog_17

“Gamora! Soldier, assassin. Wanted on over a dozen counts of murder.”

– And here as a constant, green remind that yes, we are in space.gog_18

“Rocket – wanted on over fifty charges of vehicular theft and escape from lockdown.”

Here as proof that Marvel can do anything it darn well pleases.
gog_19

“What the hell -“

“Groot. Been traveling recently as Rocket’s personal houseplant/muscle.”

Here as more proof.gog_20

“Peter Jason Quill. He’s also known as Starlord?”

“Who calls him that?”

“Himself, mostly. He’s wanted largely on charges of minor assault, public intoxication, and fraud.”gog_21

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know how this machine worked.”

Stay classy, San Diego.
gog_22

Oh summer. I remember that.

*shakes fist at polar vortex* Curse you, Elsa.
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Mm, the “Abbey Road” of movie posters. I can already see it on pinterest, faded out with some inspirational quote from the movie on it. 30 repins, 27 likes. 2 comments from trolls who hated the movie.gog_24

*Hooked on a Feeling by Blue Swede plays*gog_25gog_26

“Hey hey hey!

Robin Thicke? Are we not safe from you even here?

“That’s mine.”gog_27

*song continues playing*
gog_28

“Son of a – hey! Take those headphones off right now!”

Yes. Fear the handcuffed man. He’ll bite your legs off.gog_29

*Blood-curdling yell blends with swelling music*gog_30

And now, a brief interlude from dialogue while we remind you about all the characters you think you may have imagined –gog_32

A big welcome to Rocket and Groot in a shot you never thought you’d see on the big screen,

gog_33

introducing MouseRat (Any Parks and Rec fans in the audience today?) as the obligatory half-naked man,gog_34

U.S.S. Enterprise’s Uhura as the obligatory completely-naked woman,gog_35

aaand this plume of fire and smoke as the obligatory explosion. Huzzah!

But I know what you guys are thinking. You heard that Karen Gillan, the actor who portrays our beloved Amy Pond, was going to be in the movie. Yeah, Amelia, you say. Little Scottish girl. Where is she? I promised her five minutes, but the engines were phasing. I suppose I must have gone a bit far. Has something happened to her? gog_36

… Amelia Pond hasn’t lived here in a long time.gog_37

I know, Drax. It hurts me too. I wanted to see Amy again, but not like this… never like this.gog_38

Ooh, do we get another explosion?gog_39

Yes, TV understands us.gog_40

But seriously, three cheers for Karen Gillan. She makes bad look so good. (Megamind reference not a coincidence – bald, blue minds do think alike)gog_41

Oh, I left out one of the most important introductions: Zoolander‘s Mugatu as Del Toro, or that-guy-none-of-us-trusted-with-the-aether-at-the-end-of-Thor:The Dark World. Seriously, who chose to give the aether to this dude? Who was in charge of this decision?gog_42

What’s that? You forgot the characters again? Have no fear, Marvel has prepared for this moment. Half-second montage – go!gog_43

Snacks Destroyer

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Roots, The Sonic Screwdriver’s Worst Nightmaregog_45

Marvel Does What It Wants
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And Starlord.gog_48

“They call themselves ‘The Guardians of the Galaxy.'”

(You’re hardly one to scoff, Mr. Wreck-it-Ralph)gog_49

“… What a bunch of A-holes.”

IIIIII’M HOOKED ON A FEELING I’M HIGH ON BELIEVINGgog_50(Said in an attempted dead-pan voice as I jump up and down and clap like a seal) This movie looks pretty good.

If Marvel does right by itself, this movie is going to have countless tie-ins with Avengers: Age of Ultron. So you’ll want to watch it for that. Maybe there are a couple of other reasons. And who knows? It might be just as spectacular as it seems.

Summer has way too many reasons to be here right now.

14 Responses to “Trailer Breakdown for Guardians of the Galaxy”

  1. Kristy Daum February 19, 2014 at 12:57 pm #

    I don’t know the first thing about this particular Marvel series, except what I had read online when they started casting the characters. Yet, as expected…I too am jumping up and down in anticipation.

    • Emory February 19, 2014 at 1:08 pm #

      Yaay! It’s pretty hard not to when Marvel does something (for me, at least). Thanks for the fellow jumping! 🙂

  2. Wasp February 19, 2014 at 2:01 pm #

    Really excited. REALLY excited.
    Also… “bite your legs off”… well played, love, well played 😉

    • Emory February 19, 2014 at 2:13 pm #

      I knew I could count on you to catch it. 🙂 You’re excellent, dear.

      • Wasp February 24, 2014 at 12:26 am #

        D’awww I’m glad to have been of service (;

  3. Mockingbird February 20, 2014 at 9:38 am #

    Screw this, we’re Scarecrow Boat!!!

    • Emory February 20, 2014 at 10:00 am #

      Hahahaha! xD
      Aw, Mockingbird, you make me smile.

  4. Sherlock February 20, 2014 at 5:28 pm #

    His headphone reaction=my headphone reaction. Though I would never listen to that…

    • Emory February 21, 2014 at 1:30 pm #

      Amen. Headphones are not for strangers (but it is a catchy song that I may or may not have been singing for the past two days).

  5. Emily C. February 20, 2014 at 7:29 pm #

    Amy!!!!!

    • Emory February 21, 2014 at 1:29 pm #

      AMY WHAT ARE YOU DOING

  6. Kire February 25, 2014 at 8:12 am #

    I have watched this trailer way too many times…. I AM SO EXCITED!!!! (And that should be in font size 1,052,361. I am that excited.) :DDDDDDDDDDDDD

    • Emory February 25, 2014 at 10:59 am #

      I FEEL YOU KIRE I REALLY DO 😀

      • Kire February 25, 2014 at 7:18 pm #

        I sense a drive up to Bend happening during the summer.

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