Trailer Breakdown for An Unfortunate Teaser

5 Jul

Before I begin, I have to make two things clear.

1) Today, when I say “I’m crying,” I don’t mean in an angsty way.

2) Today, when I say “I’m crying,” I am not joking. I am 100%, hand over my heart, experiencing Mr. misty eyes syndrome and my nose is stuffed up and my voice is cracking.

I’m crying.

And it’s all because of this glittering pile of book-adapted treasure that has come to ruin my life and make sure I can’t focus on a single thing for the duration of the new week.

The day has come.

Click here to watch the official teaser for the TV series adaption of A Series of Unfortunate Events, and then stroll on back for some well-placed shrieks of anguish.

And in case you are tempted to say I didn’t warn you, remember, the illusive Lemony Snicket tried to stop you from the very Bad Beginning.

“In this [show], not only is there no happy ending, there is no happy beginning and very few happy things in the middle.”

*melancholy music begins*
soue_1

Straight ahead, you’ll see an LP for the one and only Lemony Snicket tribute band. Behind you, you’ll see me, weeping with anguish and unable to speak.
soue_2

“Wow,” you breathe. “What a gorgeous set.” You find I am unable to reply, having begun to tear my hair.
soue_3

“Geez,” you comment. “That’s a little terrifying.” You stop talking when you realize I excused myself a few minutes ago to scream into a pillow in the room next door.
soue_4

Fun fact: While I was taking these screencaps in my room with the lights off, I was feverishly whispering under my breath “I can’t believe it. I can’t believe this is happening to me.”
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Okay, that wasn’t a fun fact. But you know what is? That this is definitely a scene from the Reptile Room (Book the Second).
soue_6

And that those two tickets in the top left corner are to a Marvelous Marriage (Book the First).
soue_7

That the Mushroom Minutiae isn’t going to be incorporated until Book the Eleventh and that therefore I have no logical reason not to expect that the entire series is going to be coming to dark, miserable life.soue_8

Oh, and we can’t forget the Lucky Smells Lumbermill (Book the Fourth), the backdrop to my favorite recurring nightmares. Can’t wait to relive that horror show. soue_9

It’s hard to put into words just how I feel about the VFD eye on the top book getting represented on screen just the way it was illustrated in the original canon, but try to imagine waking up and finding that literally the only thing you wanted from TV for a good six years of your life is happening for real in YOUR REAL LIFE LIKE  W O W  CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING FOR REAL
soue_10

Give me three forlorn orphans making the most out of the worst conditions imaginable (more specifically, making puttanesca out of the worst conditions imaginable).
soue_11

Give me inventing and reading and biting.soue_12

Give me Lachrymose Leeches and Incredibly Deadly Vipers and give mesoue_13 soue_14

“… Count Olaf. It was the bad guy.”

Lemony Snicket
soue_15

soue_16

Do my hands normally shake like this?

soue_17Netflix has always been good to us, but today? Today it has given us a Vastly Fantastic Donative, (a word which here means “gift”) and we should all spend a moment in silence in respect to the man who sacrificed his own relative happiness and well-being to bring us the sad tale of the Baudelaire orphans.

It would only be appropriate to close with his words –

“Waiting is one of life’s hardships.”

________

Someone, please. Hold me.

______________________

EDIT: It has come to my attention that this trailer has been largely dismissed as fan-made. I can respect that (actually it’s way more impressive if it is fan-made), however, I would like to kindly remind you, while staying open to any and all outcomes, that the man who said this was a hoax was also the man that wrote “Please don’t read this” on the back of every book of a series that sold over 60 million copies world-wide.

I’m pretty interested to see how this pans out.

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8 Responses to “Trailer Breakdown for An Unfortunate Teaser”

  1. aveselka July 6, 2015 at 8:01 am #

    I was freaking out too!! The set looks awesomely creepy and I just can’t even!!!!!Netflix is a genius for bringing one of my favorite book series to life!

    • Emory July 6, 2015 at 9:26 am #

      Oh my gosh, right! The trailer just looks like the books felt! May e I’m being an idealist, but it looks like they’ll be pretty faithf

      • Emory July 6, 2015 at 9:27 am #

        ul to the books!

  2. Gracie Isabella July 6, 2015 at 5:28 pm #

    I can’t. I can’t. I literally can’t.

    • Emory July 6, 2015 at 6:15 pm #

      SAME WOMAN. But what do you think? Real or not real?

      • Gracie Isabella July 9, 2015 at 6:45 pm #

        Oh, I hope it’s real! It looks legit to me, but… OH MAN I HOPE SO.

  3. Shahrazad July 6, 2015 at 7:42 pm #

    I am thrilled!! I love everything from the smouldering book entitled “How to Start Fires” to Count Olaf’s perfect, beautiful silhouette!! I have had that theme song stuck in my head all day!!!!

    (And I love your tags. So happy you wrote this!)

    • Emory July 7, 2015 at 9:43 am #

      The how to start fires book was adorable. The whole thing just looked like a Brett Helquist illustration! Aaaaaaaaa

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