Tag Archives: Into the Woods

Trailer Breakdown for Cinderella

19 Nov

You’re here because you love movies.

Therefore, you’ve become aware of the upsetting lack of movies about Cinderella. Sure, you’ve seen movies like “Cinderella,” “A Cinderella Story,” “Ever After: A Cinderella Story,” “Cinderella,” and last but not least, “Cinderella,” but you and I both know it’s never been enough.

Worry no longer my sweets, for today, the official trailer for Cinderella was released to a grateful public.

Please, enjoy the trailer and then come back here and say with me, in a puzzled yet intrigued voice, “well okay but why?”

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Not even being facetious right now, I honest-to-goodness thought I was watching the Maleficent trailer again.

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“I want to tell you a secret that will see you through all the trials that life can offer.”
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this went from zero to sad real quick buddycinder_5

“Have courage and be kind.”

Mmm as far as secrets go, that one was less “I have magic hair that glows when I sing” and more “We are standing by a wishing well” in quality.

(Come on, guys, these are the jokes) cinder_7

1. Animal thrown on the ground

2. Said animal is a cat

3. on a leash

You ever hear about visual cues? cinder_8

*cough*incarnate evil*cough*cinder_9

“She’ll merely be your stepmother! And you’ll have two lovely sisters to keep you company. So I know as far away as I may be that you’ll be safe.”

Okay, I get that you re-married so that your daughter could have a mother figure, but where’d you even find this lady?cinder_10

Craigslist ad?cinder_11

“Wanted: one adult woman to live in a mansion with a lonely widower and his beautiful daughter… cinder_12

“… interview not necessary. Just move on in. Key’s under the mat, but first go ahead and try the door; it’s usually unlocked.”cinder_13

“Wouldn’t you prefer to eat when all the work is done, Ella?”cinder_14

“Yes, stepmother.”

“Oh, you needn’t call me that. ‘Madam’ will do.”
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All right, ladies. Ella is a mess. Time to flex your bullying muscles. What have you got?
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“Cinder wench – Dirty Ella!”

Oh my gosh, Anastasia. Are you serious. “Dirty Ella.” That’s not even mean. That’s just an observation.

I could call you “Easter-time Anastasia” but you wouldn’t think it was an insult. You probably should, though. You look like an Easter egg.

dirtyella

Really.
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“Cinderella!”

See, Drizella’s been listening. Drizella’s getting a raise and a health plan.

“Dirty Ella”
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If you’re not running away, what are you doing?cinder_22

I mean, that house is no good for you grow up in HOLD UP WHO IS THATcinder_23

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!”

Ah yes, grabbing a beautiful stranger by the waist. A well-respected and time-honored mating call.cinder_24

“Are you all right? Miss – what do they call you?”dirtyellacinder_25

“Never mind what they call me.”

Good call.cinder_26

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your doing.”cinder_28

“Nor yours either, I’ll bet. I hope to see you again, Miss.”

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“Can I say something even crazier? YES.”

“And I you.”

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“I hope to see you again”? That’s all? What is this, Sleepless in Seattle? You didn’t even get a shoe to contact her by.
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“Ella, you have more kindness in your little finger than most people possess in their whole body.”

Well, the founder of SHIELD would know. Peggy has seen some serious trash.
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what are you doicindeR_37

oh mY GOSH YES GUSGUScinder_38

“It was my mother’s old dress!”

All right, ladies, she’s feeling good about herself, you know what to do.cindeR_39

Except you. Wipe that look off your face, Anastasia. You’ve given up your right to judge. Let the others have a turn.cinder_40

“It would be an insult to take you to the palace dressed in these old rags.”cinder_41

There we go. Take notes, Anastasia. My heart just underwent some physical pain. That’s what we’re going for.cinder_42

“You shall not go to the ball.”cindeR_43

Today’s Encouraging Word: Every bit of debilitating emotional trauma you endure takes you one step closer to being a Disney princess. It’s a rock fact!cinder_44

“Excuse me, why are you crying?”

Excuse me, why are you a computer program? Disney couldn’t find a real old person? I know like sixty of them and they’re all able-bodied enough to hobble around under a cloak.
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“Who are you?”cinder_46

“That’s better!”

“Sorry for the mess, I just got back from cursing an eleven-year-old French prince for being shallow,”
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“Helena Bonham Carter?”

“My fairy godmother!”

That’s a normal enough thing that you just know? Is this actually Ella Enchanted?
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Yeah, let’s take it somewhere warmer, maybe the greenhouse. As long as you don’t turn any items of food into massive modes of transportation, we’ll be cindeR_49

fine
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One job.cinder_52

“Now, where’s mice?”

If you were hoping to get through this breakdown without thinking this is an alternate universe Bellatrix LeStrange, I hope you have better luck than I did.
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I am at once delighted and utterly horrified.cinder_56

“Avada kedavra you pink disaster”

“Bippity Boppity Boo”

I actually thought I had it with that second one. I don’t feel like this is a musical, so we better at least get a BippityBoppity in this movie.

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Yes yes I like this sequence, it can stay. I won’t even make fun of that butterfly.

And I really really want to.cinder_58

“They’re made of glass!”

Oh good, more butterflies.

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Sure, you could pay attention to Cinderella, and that would be understandable. She’s beautiful, and look how shiny her dress is!

But look at her footman’s EXPRESSION

Eyes front, soldier.cinder_60

“And you’ll find they’re really comfortable.cinder_61

Now off you go, for you shall go to the ball.”cinder_62

And the footman wonders if he ever shall win the attention of the beautiful human.cinder_63 cinder_64

“I could get used to a view like this.”

(In this scenario, his three buddies are the Stabbington brothers, by the way)
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Welcome, my old friend, the Oh-right-I-don’t-know-anyone-at-this-party face. cinder_66

Hey, the sideburns are comin’ in nice, huh? Gotta be excited about that.cinder_67

“They’re all looking at you,”cinder_68

“Believe me, they’re all looking at you.”

“After all,” he wanted to continue, “you’re literally covered in glitter and butterflies.”

He held back, however.

He was raised to be charming, not sincere.
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Oh man, this is so far beyond pretty.cinder_72

“Where there is kindness, there is goodness.cinder_73

#DANGITMYCURFEW

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♪Did I abuse her or show her disdain? Why does she run from me?♬

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And where there is goodness, there is magic.”cinder_78

Rich boy has too much time on his hands and way too much clothing the color of milk.cinder_79

“No!”cinder_80

♪No? Oh. I see how it is. Rapunzel knows best, Rapunzel’s so mature now♫

Man, I just want to watch Tangled now. How did this happen? That was like the opposite of what this trailer was supposed to do.
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“I have to see her again.”

Sure you do. What’s her last name? What’s her favorite food? Best friends’s name? Eye color? Foot size?

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Because you would be surprised how in handy that knowledge might come.cinder_84

“Are you looking for this?”cinder_85

Love is an open doooorcinder_86

Life could be so much mooore – with you.
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with YOU!
cinder_88That’s right, Anastasia, we went with Drizella’s suggestion. Because she knows what the audience wants you infernal dunce

(All joking aside, it looks gorgeous, certainly well-made enough, at that music score is on point, but who here is genuinely excited about this movie? I would very much like to be, but I need to feed off of someone else’s enthusiasm please and thank you)

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How to Festival

18 Oct

Greetings, friends! I’m afraid you’ve caught me in my semi-annual if-it’s-not-about-OSF-don’t-talk-to-me post.

Obviously, I’ve just returned from my group trip to the Oregon Shakespeare Festival in Ashland. As you may know by now, I typically take this trip with a gathering of twenty-something high-schoolers, and it was with that group I saw the plays and attended a few activities – but for the most part, my mother and I stuck with our carpool team, my friend Gracie (the Wasp) and her parents.

The Ashland carpool teams in themselves are always an interesting study.

Every year, when our group congregates outside the Angus Bowmer theater, you can always tell which kids took cars together because a highly-caffeinated four-hour drive has a certain affect on people. They walk in sync, they say things in unison, and they basically walk around going

As Gracie was sentenced to sit next to me for the entirety of the trip, the image above is more or less an accurate photograph of us (she’s classic Dipper) ((Plus, she brought a couple of Cabin Pressure episodes to listen to. 10/10 would sit by again)

This year we enjoyed a spectacular trip, and should you consider making an Ashland trip of your own, I dearly hope it is as good as mine. The OSF experience is different for everyone, but there are some constants in the equation. I’ve recorded such constants in the below five steps that my group took and would now highly recommend.

1. See Ashland

Ashland is a gorgeous place. Simple as that. Gracie and I took many walks downtown, exploring stores we’d not seen before and trying out new restaurants, always making sure to drop in what became one of the taglines of our trip, “Oh my gosh I want to sit down so badly.” Of course there were high-energy times of the trip as well, and you could tell when one was going on, because one of us was belting out “SUITS” at two-second intervals and the other was swirling around street lights, crooning “THE WINGMAN I CAN WEAAR.” Nothing Suits Me Like a Suit is the first track on the official soundtrack of this trip.

2. Participate in the activities Ashland offers

Museums, walking tours, the Green show – Ashland won’t let you get bored. The group with which we bought tickets arranged a field trip to “Exploring Design,” a workshop led by Chris Tufts to explain how the costume designers at OSF use symbolism and character studies to decide on the best possible costumes. During the group activity, my team got so into the spirit of things that we very nearly dressed The Tempest‘s Caliban in Steampunk Darth Maul regalia. In any case, I expect a job offer with the festival within the month.

3. Meet the people

When you separate from your group of peers, you are freed up to meet more of the fascinating Ashland locals. Of course everyone has different ways of getting connected. Some people may strike up a conversation with their neighbors in the audience of the plays they see. Others might greet the people enjoying beautiful Lithia Park. My personal strategies included holding eye contact with the SOU students wearing fandom t-shirts and talking loudly to the Wasp about the Festival in the presence of OSF actors who were trying to get errands done in peace. What’s that? Passive socializing is not for you? Then may I recommend seeing Into the Woods and waving so hard at orchestra musicians onstage that you nearly lift off your seat?

(My row and the trumpet section really bonded. We’re going for coffee next week.)

4. Enjoy the plays

Obviously the plays are a must. The people at OSF know what they’re doing, and each play is a masterpiece. This season I saw The Cocoanuts, The Tempest, Into the Woods, and A Wrinkle in Time, though I would have loved to see more. They were all astounding in their own ways, from the ingenuity of the stage design in the Tempest, to the frankly ridiculous amount of fun the cast of the Cocoanuts was obviously having. There are tips to enjoying it as much as possible. Before A Wrinkle in Time, I read a chapter of the original work out loud to my seat buddy, and I finished the Tempest shortly before making the trip. Pre-show preparation can only do so much when the play is actively going on however, so my most certain suggestion is that you sit next to someone you may punch in the arm mercilessly, should the mood take you.

Sorry, Gracie. But I’m pretty sure we were even on that front, right?

5. Be a good audience

I love a lot of things about live theatre, but one of the main things has to be that it’s one of the few story-telling outlets where overt, unbridled enthusiasm is encouraged. Actors don’t want to play in front of a room of people half-asleep. They want to know you’re there. And considering that my one true gift is enthusiastic response, there’s no question as to why OSF is my happy place. Every audience I was a part of was excellent – it’s hard not to be responsive in Ashland. Like I said, they know what they’re doing.

When we went in to see A Wrinkle in Time, Gracie even started a small-scale round of applause for Calvin’s impressive basketball-twirling, and the actor went on to do that move for far, far longer than he had when I’d seen this play before.

Encouragement! Try it today!

At the Q&A session after the play, the darling who played Mrs. Who bounced in and said that the whole cast had asked her to tell us that we’d been a wonderful audience.

And don’t fret, Gracie and I went ahead and took way more credit than we probably should have.

The morning after I arrived home, I awoke with a cough that announced itself as the incarnation of the last four days having been spent alternately singing at the top of my lungs and scream-shouting “WHY A DUCK,” “YOU’VE GOT DREAMBOAT EYES,” and”AGONYYY” at every shadow of an opportunity.

If anything is a sign that a trip went well, that’s got to be it.

All by following five easy steps!