Tag Archives: Marvel

For What It’s Worth

29 Oct

I was at work when I noticed what was going down.

MikaylaTuesday was a big day for the studios responsible for your knowledge of Norse mythology. The frankly unsettling amount of Marvel news unleashed yesterday hit the internet like a SHIELD helicarrier into the New York bay, so I feel you are all likely to know what I’m pleased about right now.

However, that’s totally not going to stop me from setting up a quick recap.

Ladies and Gentlemen!

I KNOW RIGHT

In addition to all that jazz, we have a few casting announcements, most notably that of Chadwick Boseman playing the Black Panther and Benedict Cumberbatch coming on board to play Dr. Strange.

Oh, not enough to get you excited? Have some footage of Captain Specimen tearing a log in half while Puny Stark looks on in wonder. 

I get it. You’re feeling greedy. Marvel assumed that would happen, so they’ve gone and gifted us with the a sneak peek of the Age of Ultron dinner party-vengers and their heaps of worthiness.

Of course, we mustn’t forget that said sneak-peek scene was preceded by Agents of SHIELD and their well-written, swift  machete stab to the gut with its latest episode, A Fractured House.

Guh.

(My heart goes out to all you poor souls not out-of-your-mind about these recent developments. We just need to get this out of our systems, and your patience will be greatly appreciated until that moment comes.)

Excelsior, my friends. Excelsior.

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Trailer Breakdown for Avengers: Age of Ultron

23 Oct

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to your dreams.

The official trailer for Avengers: Age of Ultron swept the internet off its feet last night, and it’s been trending everywhere since. I may have watched it one or two or fourteen times myself. However, if you have managed to not be run over by a screaming fanboy or fangirl trying to get you to watch the trailer with them, then click that link, for now is the time. 

And what a time to be alive, my friend.

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“I’m gonna show you something beautiful.

Oh I know
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“Everyone screaming.

Oh nvmaou_3

note: Quicksilver’s hair is dark. Something in this movie turns it white. carry on.aou_4

“For mercy.aou_5

The Captain has joined the trailer, ready to sock ol’ Hitler Ultron on the jaw.
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“You want to protect the world,

Hawkeye, I’ve missed you gracing our screens with strangely angelic shots.aou_7

Thor, baby, on the bright side, no one in your family is even indirectly at fault this time.
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“But you don’t want it to change.aou_9

(Visibly uncomfortable with the word “change”)aou_10

“You’re all puppets –

whoa
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Breaking news: Thor is wearing normal clothes. It’s a good day. That is all. (I appreciate that he took a page out of Captain Hook’s book, entitled Wait I’ve Been Wearing This Outfit for Upwards of a Hundred Years)
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Now is a good time to point out that in every shot Hawkeye appears in in this trailer, his face could be saying, “What did I miss?”aou_13

“Tangled in strings.aou_15

Remember when we thought the Winter Soldier and Loki were the best villains the MCU were going to conceive?
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“Strings.”

Such sweet, summer children.

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*Nightmare version of “No Strings” from Pinocchio starts to play*

It’s okay, I was never able to watch Pinocchio without being mildly terrified anyway.

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Honey, is that another new suit? How many tailors are you wearing out?
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Do you get it? aou_22

Wearing out.
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It’s a clothing pun.aou_25

Bruce, I have not seen you in a shot yet that didn’t make me want to bundle you up and feed you a warm meal. Please stop this. You’re breaking me.
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And Natasha, it’s okay. They’ll give you your own movie someday. aou_27

Whooaaa, whoa whoa, the twins and Ultron? Is Ultron to the Maximoffs as Magneto was to the Maximoffs in their first comics appearance?

(By the way, I mean in the sense of the Maximoffs being his indentured servants, not of them being his illegitimate children)aou_28

(But on that topic, if Pietro or Wanda gave daddy dearest a call, he could clean this mess up real quick. That’s a lot of metal.)aou_29aou_30

They’re like bugs. Like ants. Like ant-men.

Nah, that’s silly.
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See? Look at Clint’s face. LOOK AT IT.

“What did I miss?”aou_32

What a glorious, glorious month.aou_33

“It’s the end.aou_34

“The end of the path I started us on.”

Ehhh, don’t flatter yourself. It was mostly Loki and Captain America.aou_35

And this guy, of course. By the way, don’t bother wondering about how you saw him burn that eye patch in favor of sunglasses in CA: The Winter Soldier.
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“Nothing lasts forever.”

You’re right. He probably sat on those sunglasses. We’ve all been there, Fury.aou_37

Hey, look, it’s the classic Scarlet-Witch-is-going-bonkers pose!aou_38

Hey look, it’s me watching this trailer for the first time!aou_39

Wait. I saw concept art for this scene.
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Oh my gosh yes it’s coming Hulkbuster yes
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guhaou_42

GUHaou_43

GAHaou_44

*On her way to get her own movie*aou_45

My only hope for this character is that they make him nearly as cool as Fox’s Quicksilver. That’s all I hope for anyone, really.
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But for serious, I am so excited to see these two in action. They’re perfect.aou_47

This is a mighty meaningful and important stare for a character who was listed on imdb as a nameless “Asguardian god.” Speculation, please.

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Are these uncomfortably chest-heavy shots of Thor going to be a regular thing in Marvel movies now? Is this like a subtle satire of how women have been treated in every superhero movie ever, or is it just fanservice?

I mean, I’m not complaining. Just confused.aou_50

*Nightmare Pinocchio music stops, replaced with nightmare Tarzan music*

♪I wanna know/Can you show me/I wanna know about these strangers like me/♬

Okay, back to nightmare realm Pinocchio.aou_51

Straight ahead, you’ll see our subtle reminder that this takes place in Russia.

If you look within your memories, you’ll remember that a certain wintery soldier was in Russia for quite some time between now and 1945.

If you search your heart for a strong sense of hope, you may see what I’m getting at.

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#WhatdidImiss

Aw man, it’ll be good to have this champ in a movie again. Been too long.
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“No, mother doth NOT know I weareth her drapes,aou_55

“BECAUSE SHE’S DEAD”aou_56

I know, right, Natasha? I cried.aou_57

“Now

AAAAAaou_58

“I’m

AAAAAAAaou_59

“Free.

AAAAAAAAAAAAaou_60

Brofist, buddy. Bring it in.aou_61

That was the last vibranium on the planet, Steve, please be more carefulaou_62

“There are no strings on me.”aou_63

I have waited three years.

I am READY.
aou_64BRING IT BUDDY.

Post Traumatic SDCC Disorder

31 Jul

One week ago,  the very foundations of California were shaken by a single, unified fan scream.

If you live anywhere near an internet connection, I bet that you felt it too.

San Diego Comic-Con 2014.

Seeing as there’s no need to drop the ball on nerd-knowledge just because I was not present, I’ve compiled a list of my favorite bits from the convention. Therefore? Coming to you from that room of dreams, Hall H, here is some of the best of SDCC 2014.

  • Chris Hardwick, Crown Prince of the nerds (and the person you wish you were), took the selfie to end all selfies with the one and only DC trinity.

You’re looking at Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman posing for a picture taken by Marty McFly.

What a time to be alive.

  • The Avengers: Age of Ultron panel featured a gloriously skilled and surprisingly long table of Avengers, and the angels cheered (though their voices were obscured by those of the hyperventilating fans in the crowd below).

Notable events included Chris Hemsworth’s announcement of intent to turn into the female Thor in an upcoming adaption (“I don’t want to jinx it, but this might be my oscar”), Robert Downey Jr’s gift of roses to the audience and to the lady cast members, and Josh Brolin (or as we know him, Thanos) making a surprise appearance for the sole purpose of fanfare and eating one of Downey’s proffered roses.

All very normal things.

  • The Agents of SHIELD panel, (a show which outgrew its name in no more than twenty-two episodes)graced us all by releasing a gag reel.
  • And later, still during the AoS panel, a teaser was shown (not available unless you’re a level seven agent) in which it was revealed that a Bobbi Morse was going to be joining the SHIELD roster.

Bobbi Morse? you ask. Wait, Mockingbird? You continue, standing up, your voice getting more frantic and excited. Sweet baby Moses, are you kidding me right now? you scream into the late afternoon sun as you spontaneously sprout wings and take off, startling your friends and family. Hawkeye crossovers aheadddd is the last thing your loved ones hear as you disappear over the horizon.

I know right I’m so excited too

  • Since you couldn’t be there, Mark Ruffalo took the liberty of acting just like you would have in reaction to the range of celebrities present.

Is that Paul Rudd?

Living legend.

And, though it wasn’t officially related to the world’s biggest geek-fest, one has to question its convenient timing –

  • Test footage leaked for that movie you want so badly.

“Test footage” people keep reminding us. “As in – not an actual movie. Not yet. Maybe not ever. This is test footage.”

To which, of course, fans collectively replied, “I can’t hear you,” before turning back to our friends and screaming “DEADPOOL” over and over again. All that leaked footage has largely been reclaimed by Fox on copyright grounds, but considering that few things are ever scrubbed form the internet, there are still a couple of places you can look. (Warnings: Strong language, and, hey, it’s Deadpool: violence)

Such a long panel, but the highlights as far as I am concerned involved Gollum impressions from Andy Serkis, an expression of interest in a LOTR-flavored museum with original props, and an analysis of how surprisingly attractive Elf ears can be (as if that was news to anyone).

As per the event, there were questions for the panelists: “Where would you take Smaug at the Comic-Con?” asked one fan. Benedict Cumberbatch, ever the charmingly insulting gentleman, made a face and replied “Probably Hall H. I don’t think he’d fit in anywhere else.”

I feel like one or two people might want to disagree, but considering that a good chunk of people probably dressed up as the menacing dragon, it seems a fair enough remark.

It takes all kinds at SDCC, so obviously there was much more to the convention; but these have been the parts that got me in the send-all-caps-texts-to-everyone-in-your-contact-list mood.

Pretty apparently, I didn’t make it this year. Maybe you didn’t either, if you felt compelled to come here to learn these things.

We didn’t make it this time. That’s okay. Not even Joss Whedon went this year. It’s okay to skip every now and then.

But let’s not make it a habit.

See you next year, fanpeople.

Trailer Breakdown for Big Hero 6

16 Jul

Prepare yourself for the next production from the absolute darlings who brought you Wreck-It Ralph and Frozen. That’s right, and just in time for you to stop hating  Disney for forcing everyone and their grandmother to sing “Let it Go” every hour of the day!

If you’ve been following any sort of entertainment news, you are likely to be aware that along with Star Wars, your soul, and the better part of the internet, Disney now owns Marvel. Whether this news has you happy or the other thing, your heart is definitely three sizes too small if you didn’t find some joy in the Big Hero 6 full-length trailer that just came out yesterday.

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“All right, let me get this straight…

San Fransokyo? Is that near San Franjose? I want a Cloudy with a Chance of Meet-ups.bh_3

“A man in a Kabuki mask attacked you with an army of miniature flying robots.”

*Googles “Kabuki”*

*Feels cultured*
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“Microbots!

Ohhh, microbots. Thank you, Hiro, see, the other thing was unbelievable.bh_5

“Max, tell him!”

“Yes, Officer.”

Good enough for me.bh_6

Uh-oh. That bad boy is backlit. A sure sign of being irretrievably evil.
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Look at Hiro’s face. He knows the ins and outs of cinematic lighting.bh_8

“Microbots.”

If you’re still typing that, we got a whole other problem.

“Yeah,bh_9

“He was controlling them telepathically with a neuro-cranial transmitter!”bh_10

Doesn’t matter to this guy.bh_11

Is it wrong that I want an opera number here? Some kind of “Down Once More Into Darkness” episode? I think I’m onto something.bh_12

“Come on!”bh_13

“I am not fast.”

“Yeah, no kidding! Go, go, go, go!”

See also: Me and anyone who tries to get me to go anywhere
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“So Mr. Kabuki was using ESP to attack you and…bh_16

“Balloon man…”

No comment on that? What sort of trash happens in San Fransokyo that leads you to look bored at the domesticated Stay Puft Marshmallow Man?

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Mmm. Oh, and reader, that strange, warm feeling bubbling up inside you? It’s the desire to hug an animator. And it’s totally normal.
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That face. That is the face of a man who has seen some seriously screwed-up stuff.

Tell us your secrets
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“I know it sounds crazy.”bh_22

“Kid, how about we call your parents and get them down here.

Whoa whoa, sore subject man. Haven’t you heard any superhero story ever? Insensitive.bh_23

“Write your name and number down on this piece of paper and we’ll -“bh_24

(My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark plays)

(Consequently, everyone watching gets up and parties)bh_25

“We gotta catch that guy. But first –bh_26bh_27

♪You want me to change, change, change, you want me to change♫bh_28

“You’re gonna need some upgrades.”bh_29

♪Girl you’re amazing just the way you are♫
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For a boy genius, he’s a little slow on the whole distribution of mass concept. Why don’t mysterious balloon robots drop into my lap? It’s because both my parents are so alive, isn’t it?

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So this is present-day/near future How to Train Your Dragon right? Or, actually, How to Train Your Robot? No judgement meant, I am more than okay with that.
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“Did I not instruct that box 5 was to be left empty?”
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“A lunatic in a mask just tried to kill us.”

In this movie adaption, original comic fans will be surprised to know that Go-Go Tomago’s code name is now “Captain Obvious.” And we don’t really get to see him, but the driver of this bus is so over this movie already.

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“How cool is that! I mean, it’s scary, obviously, but how cool!”

Tuffnut, it’s not like this is new to you. And yes, we know it’s you, take off that beanie and put your Viking helmet back on.bh_41

I love it when Disney does that.bh_42

Aw man. Usually when I see a character so obviously prepped for merchandising I get a little cringey inside, but Baymax.. Look at him. Just look.

I want seven of him.bh_43

“What’s wrong with you?”

“LooOOw battery,”
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“You home, sweetie?”bh_45

“Weee jumped out a wiindow!”bh_46

“Who is that?”

bh_47

“We jumped out a windooow.”

Nice save.bh_48

Yasssbh_50

“Shhh”bh_51bh_52

Hey, hey. You nailed it, baby.bh_53

Fall! Get it? Fall! *laughs into the sunset*bh_49“Fuuurry baby!”

*eyes widen*

The word cat is obsolete and I could not be happier.

Fall movies! Bring it on. I’m jumping up and down about this movie, but I can’t shake the feeling that Big Hero 6 is leaving a gold mine buried up by not exploring the (clearly) tragic backstory of iron policeman there at the beginning. (I’m calling it now: Big Hero 7. Look for it 2017.)

After the Credits

31 May

“Wait,” I whispered. “What?”

The secret scene after a Marvel movie. Familiar enough. I take you, then, to the theater I recently shared with a few dozen others watching X-Men: Days of Future Past (perfect, highly recommend). And more specifically, I take you to the end-credits scene, and to the comic book-born figure who was finally getting his close-up on the big screen. However, for the moment, his presence was lost on us. So I bring you to another familiar thought related to Marvel end-credits scenes: Who is this guy?

I had a wavering suspicion, but I wasn’t confident enough to say it out loud.

“Who is that?” my sister leaned over and asked.

“He seems too skinny,” I whispered feverishly to myself before panicking with a louder-than-preferred, “I don’t know!” 

“We’ll google it,” she resolved, quiet purpose in her voice.

I inwardly groaned and chastised myself for my ignorance. But my small whine of failure was nothing compared to the woman at the back of the theater.

“AUGH!” she screamed. And I do mean screamed. “WHY DON’T I KNOW HIS NAME! WHY DON’T I KNOW HIS NAME!”

The struggle is real.

By the way, though I can hardly take credit for it since I lacked the moral strength to own my conviction, my original suspicion of the character’s identity was correct thanks goodbye

This is one of the reasons I adore Marvel movies so much. The right kind of people go to see them. The ratio of people who are desperate to see these movies to people who come along begrudgingly is far weightier on the side of the first, and certainly far better than many other movies I see in the theaters. You can hear the passion in the crowd – everyone either loves the Marvel cinematic universe, the comics universe, or both. Either way, there is a lot of passion packed into that crowd.

I find that the comic book fans tend to accompany the cinematic fans. It makes the experience more interactive. They always sit together, and you can tell which is which, because at any given moment, the two are looking at each other like this:

It’s not only this way with Marvel movies, but with nearly any well-done (or otherwise) book-to-movie adaption. When you know how the story is vs. how it ought to be, it’s hard to keep quiet.

And after the credits roll, specifically with Marvel’s deliciously ambiguous after-credit scenes, everyone turns to the reader to interpret. Not always so much because they’re confused, but because the reader is having a fit in the aisles, waving their arms, going,

Whether the adaption was done well or not, a reader is always a mess after a movie.

Exhibit A: Did you see the internet after the first installment of the Hobbit came out? People were rioting in the [virtual] streets.

Exhibit B: What about after Catching Fire? Parades. Balloons.

Exhibit C: Percy Jackson. (You just started weeping, didn’t you?)

I read Hunger Games before I saw it, so I have that reader’s perspective – and yet I am baffled to no end about how angry people are that Madge was left out. This minor character, who had her name mentioned maybe three and a half times, became the freaking Mockingjay to the readers’ cause.

See, when someone loves something, and someone else comes along and rearranges it, it’s not hard to understand that there would be emotional upset. I think what irks us the most, though, is that it becomes canon. Obviously, it doesn’t change original, proper canon, but in this grand, cinematic universe, we have to accept something other than what is familiar.

And that’s not fair. Every feeling rebels against that sort of change, and rightfully so.

This passion for the story, whether fury over a change, or outright joy over a film’s faithfulness, is what makes readers such an adventure to catch a movie with. Alternately, the reader will always need someone less involved in the story to explain things to. It’s a beautiful, symbiotic relationship that everyone should experience.

10/10, highly recommend.

I suppose all this is to say that when a reader invites you to go see The Fault in Our Stars this week, say yes.

They need you.

Let’s Talk About Captain America: The Winter Soldier

4 Apr

First, though, as a matter of course, we have to discuss how you should in no way be here if you haven’t seen the movie yet; that, however, is of secondary importance compared to the fact that you are sitting here, wasting time on the internet (of all places), when you could be wasting time watching Captain America: The Winter Soldier.

Come on. Where are your priorities?

Back to the matter at hand. If you’ve continued this far, you’ve seen the movie. So let’s talk.

Let’s talk about how this movie did the truly impossible thing and made me want to take up jogging. For at least three minutes. With Sam Wilson. On your left.

Let’s talk about,

“I have the exact same glasses.”

“You guys are practically twins.”

“Pff. I WISH.” 

Let’s talk about Natasha and Steve being one of my favorite on-screen brolationships to ever bro. And, obviously, we just have to talk about how “Public displays of affection make people very uncomfortable.”

“Yes, they do.”

Unfortunately, talking about it is easier said than done, as most things tend to be. I found that a lot of the emotions induced during the course of this movie aren’t of the efficiently explainable variety.

For example, instead of saying, “When Abed (Danny Pudi) made his cameo, I felt such an emotion that I felt as though my brain went completely offline as I gasped like someone drowning and smiled so largely that I gave myself the laughter lines of a ninety-year-old woman,” it would be much easier for me to simply go –  “ABED”

or “DR. ARNIM ZOLA”

or “I’M SORRY SITWELL, DID YOU JUST SAY ‘STEPHEN STRANGE’?”

Seriously though.

or “I’M WITH YOU ‘TIL THE END OF THE LINE.”

I really do want to talk about that. Steve is known for never giving up in what he believes in, and he believes in his best friend Bucky – it was the only thing he could do for him.

“Not a perfect soldier, but a good man” has rarely been better displayed than it was in this superlatively well-made film, and it is one of the things that makes this movie so worth seeing, so worth talking about, and so very, very worth flailing about in your theater seat, disturbing the general peace, and very nearly jumping into your sister’s arms screaming during the post-credit scenes (this is a great way to bond, by the way).

Because you’ll wait for those scenes, right? Both of them?

Don’t you dare let me down.

Speaking of which, that’s the final thing that needs to be discussed here.

Know what? I want you to be there with me. Let me just take you on a little tour of my cozy corner of the theater last night, during the first post-credit scene.

*Men speak ominously in laboratory-like chambers*

*Ill-intentioned men speak of activating the twins*

*Camera pans to adjacent prison cells, one containing Wanda Maximoff and the other, her brother Pietro*

*Three years pass*

// So can we please talk about this movie?

Trailer Breakdown for Guardians of the Galaxy

19 Feb

Welcome, family, friends, and fangirls/boys.

Coming up on the horizon is a new Marvel movie, and a pretty bold one, considering that it introduces five new characters to the cinematic universe that it has never seen before. So, as would be expected, there’s a fair amount of introduction footage in this preview, as opposed to other Avengers trailers, which basically just have to say, “Loki is in this one, give us your  money.”

The official teaser was released yesterday morning, an exhaustive nineteen seconds, six of which were dedicated to title sequences. This special-effects-flavored snack held us over until supper, and now? Join me in welcoming, analyzing, over-analyzing, and going on rabbit trails that ultimately have nothing to do with the full trailer for Guardians of the Galaxy.

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The  noble silhouette – always a fine way to introduce a hero.

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Or, you know, this guy.
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Well done, Peter Quill. You’ve unlocked the badge “Discount Indiana Jones!” gog_5

“Drop it! Now!”

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“It belongs in a museum!”

“Yeah! Hey, cool man, no problem. No problem! At! All!”

It takes a big man to admit he’s been beat.

Or, you know, this guy.gog_7

“Who are you?”*

*The question every wannabe superhero dreams of being asked**

**Trust me, I knowgog_8

“Starlord.”gog_9

“Who?”gog_10

“Starlord, man! Legendary outlaw?”

Face it, honey, you’re no Harriet Jones, Prime Minister.gog_11

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“Forget it.”

A for effort and delivery. It’s what’s inside that counts.
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*angel chorus that always accompanies Marvel sequence*

*I’m not the only person that hears that, right?*gog_15

“We arrested these five on Xandar, check out the rap sheets.”

Good. Thank you. Jotunheim and Svartalfheim weren’t hard enough to say.
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“Drax, AKA the Destroyer. Since his wife and family were killed, he’s been on a rampage across the galaxy in a search for vengeance.”

Everybody – Drax: Abridged Versiongog_17

“Gamora! Soldier, assassin. Wanted on over a dozen counts of murder.”

– And here as a constant, green remind that yes, we are in space.gog_18

“Rocket – wanted on over fifty charges of vehicular theft and escape from lockdown.”

Here as proof that Marvel can do anything it darn well pleases.
gog_19

“What the hell -“

“Groot. Been traveling recently as Rocket’s personal houseplant/muscle.”

Here as more proof.gog_20

“Peter Jason Quill. He’s also known as Starlord?”

“Who calls him that?”

“Himself, mostly. He’s wanted largely on charges of minor assault, public intoxication, and fraud.”gog_21

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know how this machine worked.”

Stay classy, San Diego.
gog_22

Oh summer. I remember that.

*shakes fist at polar vortex* Curse you, Elsa.
gog_23

Mm, the “Abbey Road” of movie posters. I can already see it on pinterest, faded out with some inspirational quote from the movie on it. 30 repins, 27 likes. 2 comments from trolls who hated the movie.gog_24

*Hooked on a Feeling by Blue Swede plays*gog_25gog_26

“Hey hey hey!

Robin Thicke? Are we not safe from you even here?

“That’s mine.”gog_27

*song continues playing*
gog_28

“Son of a – hey! Take those headphones off right now!”

Yes. Fear the handcuffed man. He’ll bite your legs off.gog_29

*Blood-curdling yell blends with swelling music*gog_30

And now, a brief interlude from dialogue while we remind you about all the characters you think you may have imagined –gog_32

A big welcome to Rocket and Groot in a shot you never thought you’d see on the big screen,

gog_33

introducing MouseRat (Any Parks and Rec fans in the audience today?) as the obligatory half-naked man,gog_34

U.S.S. Enterprise’s Uhura as the obligatory completely-naked woman,gog_35

aaand this plume of fire and smoke as the obligatory explosion. Huzzah!

But I know what you guys are thinking. You heard that Karen Gillan, the actor who portrays our beloved Amy Pond, was going to be in the movie. Yeah, Amelia, you say. Little Scottish girl. Where is she? I promised her five minutes, but the engines were phasing. I suppose I must have gone a bit far. Has something happened to her? gog_36

… Amelia Pond hasn’t lived here in a long time.gog_37

I know, Drax. It hurts me too. I wanted to see Amy again, but not like this… never like this.gog_38

Ooh, do we get another explosion?gog_39

Yes, TV understands us.gog_40

But seriously, three cheers for Karen Gillan. She makes bad look so good. (Megamind reference not a coincidence – bald, blue minds do think alike)gog_41

Oh, I left out one of the most important introductions: Zoolander‘s Mugatu as Del Toro, or that-guy-none-of-us-trusted-with-the-aether-at-the-end-of-Thor:The Dark World. Seriously, who chose to give the aether to this dude? Who was in charge of this decision?gog_42

What’s that? You forgot the characters again? Have no fear, Marvel has prepared for this moment. Half-second montage – go!gog_43

Snacks Destroyer

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Roots, The Sonic Screwdriver’s Worst Nightmaregog_45

Marvel Does What It Wants
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And Starlord.gog_48

“They call themselves ‘The Guardians of the Galaxy.'”

(You’re hardly one to scoff, Mr. Wreck-it-Ralph)gog_49

“… What a bunch of A-holes.”

IIIIII’M HOOKED ON A FEELING I’M HIGH ON BELIEVINGgog_50(Said in an attempted dead-pan voice as I jump up and down and clap like a seal) This movie looks pretty good.

If Marvel does right by itself, this movie is going to have countless tie-ins with Avengers: Age of Ultron. So you’ll want to watch it for that. Maybe there are a couple of other reasons. And who knows? It might be just as spectacular as it seems.

Summer has way too many reasons to be here right now.

Trailer Breakdown for The Amazing Spider-Man 2

6 Dec

The first trailer for The Amazing Spider-Man 2 came out a whole day ago. Ample time to watch it until you still see it when you close your eyes, don’t you think? Well, if you haven’t quite reached that point, then here’s to getting started (click here for the trailer), and now begins yet another breakdown.

(I’m up to my eyeballs in these things.)

((Certainly can’t complain.))

*Wind wooshing*
ams_1

*That might be muscles wooshing*ams_2

*It’s all conjecture at this point*ams_6

“Every day, I wake up knowing – ams_7

That the more people I try to save,ams_8

The more enemies I will make,

Everyone knows you’re not Spider-man until you brood in a graveyard. This is a big moment.ams_9

Whoa, whoa, whoa, did they just make the Rhino look good?

Slow clap, Sony. You earned it.
ams_10

I don’t know who that is yet, but he looks cool too. Movie’s on a roll.ams_12

And it’s just a matter of time before I face those with more power than I can overcome.”ams_13

Haha, power, I get it.ams_14

Get it? Power? People are being electrocuted.

Hilarious.ams_15

Oh please, you know Spider-Pun’s gonna do some rendition of that joke.

You just watch.
ams_16yaaaaaaaay

ams_18

“Sorry I’m late. I had a traffic jam.”
ams_19

Yes. Yes you did.ams_20

“Did your traffic jam have anything to do with being, I don’t know, shot at by machine guns?”ams_21

Yes. Yes it did.ams_22

“Yeah, yeah, no, that was implied, I was implying that.”

Starring: The Amazing Stutter-Man.ams_24

“Peter Parker.”

 Tobey Maguire during the greasy Venom stage?ams_25

“Harry Osborn.”

Aaaand, that’s how a truly subtle screenwriter introduces a character. Welcome to the franchise Harry! Again.ams_26

“You’re gonna wanna see this.

ams_27

Good call. I always want to see touch-screen desks.

But seriously, when are those getting invented?ams_28

Oscorp had you under surveillance.”
ams_29

“Why?”ams_30

“Well, isn’t that just the question of the day.”

Okay, just for a moment here, I know this guy’s the bad guy, but can we please appreciate the fact that his eyes are Legolas blue? Can we do that?
ams_31

::completely unrelated shot of destruction to keep you interested::
ams_32

“There’s something you’re not telling me, Aunt May.”

You’re totally one to talk about secrets, freaking Spider-man.

Oh, also, can we talk about his Sherlockian case map in the background? And is it really necessary for there to be four pictures of his girlfriend on it? I hope he’s at least changed his desktop background. That boy needs a hobby.

ams_33

“I once told you that secrets had a cost. The truth does too.”

You’re kind of stingy about these things, aren’t you?
ams_34ams_35

You know, the main reason I don’t have superheroes in my town is probably that we don’t have subways. Those things are magnets for fictional characters.ams_36ams_37ams_38

“My name is Richard Parker. I have discovered what Oscorp was going to use my research for. ams_41

VULTURE PILLAR OSBORN DOCTOR OCTOPUS

THIS SHOT THOUGHams_42

I have a responsibility to protect the world from what I know they’re capable of.”

*muffled hurried footsteps*

*crash*

*door flings open as Uncle Ben trips into the room*

“DID SOMEONE SAY RESPONSIBILITY?”

ams_43ams_44

“What is all this?”ams_45

“The future.”

The future has found more ways to utilize electric eels than I originally thought it would.
ams_46

“We – literally – can change the world.”

It’s time to stop metaphorically changing the world, guys. Greasy-venom-stage Tobey says so.
ams_47

Ooooooooooo
ams_48

Aaaaaaah –

WAIT NO STOP How many villains are even in this movie?ams_49

“What about Peter?”

Weren’t we chums with Peter forty seconds ago?

ams_50

“Not everyone has a happy ending.”

I’ll take that as a no.ams_51

Look at that, that’s no movie scene, that’s like a magnificent comic book splash page. My name is Barack Obama, and I approve of this shot.ams_52

ams_53

“This is bigger than you, Peter.”

Would you say it has more power?ams_54

AhahahahaWHOA son when did Electro turn into a jellyfish?ams_55

A really powerful jellyfish, I concede.ams_56

“I made a choice.

Also starring: Peter Parker’s stellar taste in music.ams_57

This is my path.”
ams_58ams_59ams_60

I apologize for the bad quality, but everyone needs to see this ridiculously classic move.ams_61

Wait! I know this one! Just throw an inflatable life raft over the hole, right? That’ll fix the problem!

*glares at Agents of SHIELD*

Come on, guys.ams_62

“Soon, everyone in this city will know how it feels –ams_63

to live in a world without power,ams_64

without mercy,
ams_65ams_66

(Because pretty)ams_67

without Spider-Man.”ams_68

It’s okay; bask in the gorgeous for as long as you need to. ams_69

I know I say this about pretty much every movie I break down, but oh MAN, this really looks magnificent.

ams_70Understandable. Does he finally realize he wasn’t invited to the Avengers?

Priceless

28 Nov

In any given guide to writing, you are sure to find something about starting off with an interesting sentence.

The problem with that bit of advice is that what is interesting to one person is by no means interesting to someone else. I could start every one of my essays for college with a sentence about interesting parallels in the Marvel comics Civil War storyline and I would be hooked, but chances are my professor would be less than impressed.

Every Fanboy and girl knows very well: no one is required to be interested in what you are interested in.

What is to you

will at some point be  to another.

It’s something one learns to live with, as one learns to live with, shall we say, uncomfortable relatives at Thanskgiving (just to throw it out there). You accept it because it’s real, but darned if you’re not going to at least try to change your circumstances to make it easier for you. It’s understandable. Who wouldn’t do it?

Whether it’s placing those unfamiliar extended family members at the extra dinner table or forcibly making a friend watch a Sherlock marathon (because they’ll thank you later), it does happen, even if it doesn’t always work.

What you love and what you do can define who you are, but if everyone had those things in common, the world would be a disturbingly boring place to be. There’s a reason everyone is different, and that is because we all have a unique place and purpose, and no two of the 7 billion of us are interchangeable.

That’s why the thought of someone not thinking they are worth anything, or believing that they don’t matter, is, and should be, heartbreaking. There is every possible variant of diversity among humanity, but not a single one of us is inconsequential. That’s the one thing we can all say we have in common – our importance.

One of my favorite quotes on this topic, one that says it way better than I can, is from Asa Butterfield’s title character in Hugo,

“I’d imagine the whole world was one big machine. Machines never come with any extra parts, you know. They always come with the exact amount they need. So I figured, if the entire world was one big machine, I couldn’t be an extra part. I had to be here for some reason.

And that means you have to be here for some reason, too.”

You’re not an extra part. You are an enchantingly beautiful, incalculably valuable human being with an important purpose, and you are surrounded by people who have their very own brand of those things as well. Every person with a different type of beauty has a beauty all the same.

And of course, none of us are perfect, but our flaws alone do not define us, and we must not let them. They may contribute to who we are, but they do not change the fact that who we are is loved, cherished, and utterly priceless.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Jeremiah 29:11

And that’s something to be thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving, and God bless!

Trailer Breakdown for X-Men: Days of Future Past

29 Oct

First off: this is more new trailers per month than my tiny heart is equipped to handle.

On that note, welcome to yet another film flying the Marvel flag – X-Men: Days of Future Past.  I am stoked. Be stoked with me. The official trailer is here, (watch it as many times as you need to) but the rest of the (admittedly low-key and internet-based) party is right here, so come back around when you’re finished.
x_1

[Sad music begins]x_2

[Sad music continues, oddly out of place for such a joyous sequence]x_3

Charles Xavier voiceover:

“What’s the last thing you remember?x_4

Wolverine’s face, mostly.x_5

Aw, lovely Storm, so good to see you again!x_6

I had a glimpse into the past.”x_7

That ain’t the past, friend. I would remember that facial hair. Congratulations, by the way, Iceman, you no longer look twelve, and we all really appreciate it.x_8

Especially Kitty. Kitty really appreciates it.x_9

And don’t worry, I sure Rogue appreciates from a distance.

x_10

“You’re going to have to do for me what I once did for you.”x_11

“You need me as well.”

Said the guy we last saw mostly stripped of his powers, playing chess by himself in a park full of old men.x_12

Bishop!
x_13

Sunspot!
x_14

Warpath?x_15

Blink?!

You guys, the thing I normally complain about after I see a Marvel movie is that they left out a lot of characters.

I guess this time I’ll just complain about how sad the music made me.
x_16

“Side by side to end this war – before it ever begins.”
x_17 x_18

“So, I wake up in my younger body and then what?”

You say that like you haven’t been thirty-four for the past hundred years. If anyone can handle waking up in a younger body, it’s you.x_19

“Find me. convince me all this.

X-Men: Days of Future Past – In which Charles Xavier dresses up like Ron Burgundy from Anchorman. (In case you needed extra incentive to watch this movie)
x_20

“It’s going to take the two of us.”

Said the guy last seen mostly stripped of his powers, playing chess by himself in a park full of old men.

“And where do I find you?”

x_21

“A different past. A darker past.”x_22

Katniss crying makes me want to cry. Mystique! Mystique crying. Okay, that doesn’t really make me want to cry.

The music does, though.x_23

“Logan, I was a very different man.

Mm, yeah, you were a young Scottish heartthrob with salon-quality hair. Or are you referring to that time you mind-forced people into doing things for you? x_24

Lead me.
x_25

Guide me.

You’re talking to Wolverine, bub.
x_26

Be patient with me.”

Again: Wolverine.
x_27

“Patience isn’t my strongest suit.”

See?x_28

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

(Marvel’s favorite color seems to be tesseract blue, in case you were wondering.)

x_29

Explosions!x_30

Flotation!x_31

Riots where people are wearing some dang fabulous attire!x_32

The President of the united States!x_33

Okay, you got me. This entire “breakdown” thing has just been a front – this is actually an appreciation post for the face of the hefty man on the left. I want a sequel about this guy. We could call it “Hired Gun” and it would be an entirely different genre.

And they’d probably have less depressing music, too.
x_34

Oh, there we go. Shirtless, shot-almost-to-death Hugh Jackman, or it isn’t an X-Man movie.x_35

Dang, Xavier, you’re hard work young.
x_36

I don’t actually know what’s happening in this scene, but if the music’s any indication, it’s heartbreaking.x_37

In which Rogue finally comes around to appreciate Iceman’s facial hair up close. Also, gets dragged away to safety. Multitasking is a great skill to have.
x_39

 Yeah, Mystique, you don’t stand out in this all-human crowd at all.
x_40

Yeah, Mystique, you don’t stand out in this entirely freaking-the-heck-out crowd at all.x_41

Drowning Magneto. That should convince the humans that you aren’t violent!
x_42

I feel safer already!x_43

TRASK YOU COTTON-HEADED NINNY MUGGINS NO ONE LIKES YOU GO HOMEx_44

You can stay, Storm. Your hair looks exciting.x_45

“I don’t want your suffering!

Dang son, Blink did really well in the transition from comic to movie. Of course, an explosion never really hurts.
x_46

I don’t want your future!”

What, you don’t want to lose your hair? I don’t blame you.x_47

More shirtless Wolverine for those of you who were getting bored. The X-Men franchise must have some sort of trademark on the screaming-in-pain face by now, right?
x_48

I’m sorry, but I can’t get a slip ‘n’ slide image out of my mind.x_49

Okay, Magneto is pulling her towards him, sure, but, as far as I can tell, she isn’t exactly wearing any metal zippers on her clothes…x_50

Did he get more attractive? Not cool. Not cool at all. This goes against everything I know.x_51

x_52

… In which Xavier and Magneto act like teenage girls angry at their parents.

[Meanwhile, mournful music build to mournful climax]

black

silencex_54

“Please. We need you to hope again.”x_55

GUUUUYS

That was just kind of REALLY GOOD
x_56That’s soon! Right? Someone tell me that’s soon.

Please.