Tag Archives: nostalgia

13.1k Likes

13 Aug

You know what’s scary? How big the internet is. It’s huge. It’s so huge, there’s no way to definitively measure it and have that figure be accurate for long.

So if you misplace a webpage and it doesn’t come up on the first page of google, it can feel like misplacing a child in Ikea.

When you lose something on the internet, you have two options. One is defeatist:

“I’m definitely never going to find that ever ever again,”

and one is blindly confident:

“I KNOW IT’S OUT THERE.”

This uncomfortable choice of attitudes will lead people to take all sorts of precautions. I myself, over the period of a couple months, chose to bookmark every webpage or I ever enjoyed or thought I might enjoy at some point.

That worked until I had to scroll through pages as long as the Count of Monte Christo to find that one gif I liked four days ago. I still haven’t deleted them all and honestly, I barely have the energy to try.

A lot of websites include a “like” function that lets you save things for later. What a thoughtful idea! Until you have 13.1 thousand likes and you know you put something in there just, like, a week ago that would totally come in handy right now if onLY YOU COULD FIND IT

I once searched for a specific comment on a Reddit thread for an intensely focused thirty minutes. This wouldn’t even be that bad, but I was at a party at the time. I was literally talking with someone at a party and interrupted myself to pull out my phone and say, “No wait, I’ve got to find it first.”

(Honestly that story makes the potentially well-balanced adult inside of me cry)

I once searched for a specific recipe for two and a half years before I found it. Given, it wasn’t near as intense a search as it was for the elusive reddit comment. But I started searching the day after I enjoyed a hastily-found internet recipe at a friend’s house, and I finished a year and a half after she had moved on, gotten married and moved house.

It wasn’t even all that good a recipe, to be honest. Not enough seasoning.

Anyway, my point is that I totally bookmarked that page anyway. I still have it bookmarked, just in case I want to relive a mediocre meatball experience in a weak effort to recapture a day that is now almost four years ago.

Because losing things is terrifying.

Webpages and images like the ones that I “like” on tumblr are supposed to be silly little nodes of entertainment, but whether or not I can find them again is still supposed to be something under my control and, though I screw up most of the things that are under my control, I still want something to be charge of, and if all that is is a difficult guitar tab for a song I no longer enjoy, then so be it, that thing is staying in my favorites folder until a sun flare burns up my laptop.

Losing things is terrifying. Letting go of unimportant things is meant to be this liberating experience, but it makes me feel like I’m dumping valuables in the trash and ever waiting for someone to come around and say

“Where did [insert thrown away item here] go?”

“Oh, that. I tossed it because I am unspeakably bad at processing consequences.”

This is a vivid example of why nostalgia is very threatening to me. Nostalgia is a sort of homesickness for a home that is no longer yours, because time is always going on. There are places and times you’re never going to return to, and that sounds so hopeless to me.

But it can’t be hopeless, can it? Nothing is really hopeless, even though I tell myself they are. After all, if I was able to go back and work in a moment I’d lived before, I would destroy it. (That’s kind of how I do) I would graffiti it with my escapist attitude and it would never be the same. As it is, I get new moments all the time. I’m making new mistakes because I know not to make the old ones.

I will have my new moments and I will make them what my old ones couldn’t be. I’ll get over the website I found mildly entertaining a couple of months ago. Not everything is in reality what it is in hindsight – and that’s okay.

To be clear, I’m not going to close this edit-post window and clear out all my bookmarks immediately. I am, however, going to delete a couple at a time. And you know what? I’m still going to save the meatball recipe, because they were fun to make, and I really believe I can make them tastier. Because all my moments are new ones, and things can keep getting better as long as I can keep trying to improve things.

Have a really good day, and please, for the love of your sanity, keep all your bookmark folders full of important things.

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And Many More

6 Feb

365 days ago, as Wipeout chirped from the television in the empty living room across the hall, I sat cross-legged in my room and grinned at my computer.

I picked up my phone to text my mom and let her know that a staggering twenty people had clicked their way onto my blog.

As an afterthought, I let her know that, by the way, I started a blog.

Happy birthday, Freak of Fandom.

happy (3371) Animated Gif on Giphy

She’s grown so much since that February 6th with one post, one page, one view, and a low-quality header portraying a smiling weeping angel.

cropped-mikki-100.jpg

Exhibit A

(I have no idea why I thought that image would invite people in)

How time flies. Still, I shouldn’t get too carried away in the celebration just yet – it’s important to make sure that my blog is healthy and progressing normally. For this purpose, I turn to the internet’s incorporeal pediatricians –

What are some of the developmental milestones my child should reach by twelve months of age?

“From eight to twelve months of age, your [blog] will become increasingly mobile, a development that will thrill and challenge both of you. Being able to move from place to place will give your [blog] a delicious sense of power and control—her first real taste of [virtual] independence.” ~ healthychildren.org

I am really not sure I trust my young blog with anything so enticing and dangerous-sounding as a “delicious” sense of power – but I suppose she did get a bit of a taste, maybe this past December with the Time of the Doctor trailer breakdown that got over 1200 hits the day it was published (1000 more than I’d ever gotten before).

More developments to expect in a healthy child blog:

Language Milestones

  • Pays increasing attention to speech
  • Responds to “no”
  • Babbles with inflection
  • Tries to imitate words
  • Repeats sounds or gestures for attention

She seems to be on track. I like to think she’s doing rather well in the first milestone, but maybe not spectacular in the second; however, she does the next three items almost exclusively (never really stops), so it sort of averages out.

Growing up so fast.

This outlet has been here to document a truckload of my reality-based events – my DC trip, the chronicles of my first bow hunt and first real job, and that time I totally dissed a rainbow for wifi (still kind of annoyed with myself about that).

And of course, the force of the fiction has been strong with this one as well – Freak of Fandom has carried me through the end of Lizzie Bennet Diaries and the start of Emma Approved, the break-up and make-up between me and Once Upon a Time, the anticipation and aftermath of Sherlock season three, and far, far too many instances of  me quoting River Song’s “spoilers” and thinking I was still being original and cute.

But the coolest thing about this is the people I have gotten to connect with.

You guys.

You are beyond fabulous. Some of you I knew before the blog, some of you I met in the midst of the blog, and some of you through it – but you guys are all awesome, and your encouraging words never ever go unappreciated.

I am so honored that any of you would choose to hold my hand through this process.

God bless you lovelies, and thank you all so very, very much!

(By the way, mom, I know it was you who clicked on my blog 1200 times in a row last December. Love you.)

All that’s left now is to gear up for another year, and, as ever, be of good cheer, dear friends.

(Music helps)

Happy birthdays and unbirthdays to everyone!