Tag Archives: November

Trailer Breakdown for Moana

16 Sep

There’s something special about November. And by “something” I mean “a lot of things.” You’ve got that post-October glow, every tree has gone full fall color or has already lost most of its leaves. It’s a safe haven between Halloween and Christmas that is full of warm colors and chilly nights. But most importantly, in the heart of every other November, we are treated to a new Disney movie that we 100% ignore Thanksgiving dinner to attend and/or discuss at excruciating length.

It’s not bad, my friends, it’s not bad at all.

If you’ve already seen the Moana trailer, please get psyched with me, and if not, join the happy masses and indulge yourself in the full official trailer for Moana and then get your butt back here for class discussion.

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“For Generations, this peaceful island has been home to our family…”

What do you think, singing volcanoes? No singing volcanoes? I’m undecided.

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I am already in love with the water animation. I hate how much work its making me do to get a good shot of it, but I love watching it. These pictures really don’t do it justice.

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Yeah thanks, I wasn’t already sold on the idea of a pet pig with Waddles in Gravity Falls. Sign me up. I’ve already ordered nine Pua plushies.

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Look at how alive these parents are! Like, strikingly alive! Well done, Disney.

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Oh. Hm. Frozen flashbacks. Hold on to those parents, Moana.

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“But beyond our reef, a great danger is coming.”

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THIS VOLCANO IS NOT SINGING AND NO UKULELE MUSIC IS IN SIGHT

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“Legend tells of a hero who will journey to find the demi-god Maui.”

How does one go about finding a demi-god? Assuming that Camp Half-Blood is out of the picture of course. But maybe I shouldn’t rule that out yet. Percy Jackson would definitely be of use in an island community.

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Okay. Well maybe Percy Jackson is a little outmatched. I mean… the Rock.

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alex-tweet

It’s terminal

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“And together, they will save us all.”

I trust them.

Hey, we’ve got a lot of money shots of this necklace so far. Am I allowed to be curious or am I making mountains out of mole hills? I just never really see any casual jewelry in Disney movies. It’s either cursed or blessed. It’s gonna save her or kill her. That’s how jewelry works.

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On another note, I’m absolutely ecstatic that she’s like a surfing, earth-bound Jim Hawkins so far.

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It’s treasure planet

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I’m glad that the ocean isn’t 100% being portrayed as lawful good because I’m not ready to be told that it wants the best for me. That thing will have its WAY.

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Look what it did to Moana’s boat. I don’t trust it.

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I grew up in a very different culture, but I sure wouldn’t have guessed that the first ominous shadow I saw was a demi-god.

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“Maui?”

But what do I know? Very little, as time has told.

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I thought Pua the Pig was gonna be the Rapunzel’s Pascal of this movie, but looks like the spotlight is more on this rooster as Jim Hawkin’s Morph. I’m not complaining. I’ve already ordered nine rubber replicas

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“A boat!”

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I want to thank Disney from the bottom of my heart for the frame-by-frame workmanship that went into making this possible. It has saved my life. Bless you.

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Still, it’s not a very dignified way to go. Guess that necklace ended up being cursed after all. RIP Moana 2016-2016

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Of course this guy survives. Heihei is the unkillable cockroach of this world.

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“Maui? Shape-shifter! Demi-god of the wind and sea! I am -“

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“Hero of men.”

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“Wh-What?”

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“It’s actually Maui, shape-shifter, demi-god of the wind and sea, hero of men. I interrupted! From the top – hero of men. Go.”

Okay. Well. He is Percy Jackson then.

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“I am not going on a mission with some little girl.”

I live for this line in fiction because it means someone’s gonna get shown the hell up.

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“This is my canoe, and you will journey to -“

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Okay, in this case it was Moana getting shown the hell up. But my point stands.

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And btdubs, the ocean is having none of your elitist crap today, Maui.

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“Did not see that coming.”

Image result for flynn rider did not see that coming

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“The ocean is a friend of mine.”

  1. the splash coming off the high-five
  2. the heart and the hook engraved on her paddle
  3. the hair frizz
  4. literally everything

10/10 would watch scene several more times in a row

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“First, we gotta go through a whole ocean of bad.”

Non-singing volcanoes are always bad in my book.

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How hungry do you have to be when you try spear hunting for the thinnest rooster in the world?

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… Maybe this is more about malice than hunger.

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Take a good look at every toddler’s Halloween costume circa 2017. Tag me in your instagrams, young parents.moana44

“Kakamora.”

“Kaka what?”

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!

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“They’re kinda cute!”

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!!!!!!!!!

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I have a lot of casting decisions I fawn over, but this one is pretty near the top.

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You guys have no idea how many shots of Maui jumping off of stuff I deleted to shorten this post. This demi-god is that eighth-grader you knew who shouted “PARKOUR” every eleven minutes and jumped off his roof for the vine.

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Hey kids, this incredibly talented girl is going to be only sixteen when this movie comes out this fall. Please protect her. I love like she is my own.

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This shot makes my bun feel a little bit jealous.

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I told you non-singing volcanoes were bad news.

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Well, it’s probably the lava. I don’t know, if this is the answer to my prayers and actually a Lilo & Stitch tie-in, it might be a crash-landing spaceship.

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“Moana!”

Scared away once again by the mosquitoes. I’m willing to overlook lack of originality for the chance to see Stitch bond with another girl just trying to find her way in seemingly uncaring world.

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The rooster, you’ll notice, is fine. Who’s the real hero here?

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“Got your back!”

The intricate designs in this movie are killing me slowly and so, so happily.

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“It’s Maui Time!”

So! What route am I going here? I could make a “Thing” reference, but the whole “it’s clobbering time” seems a little obvious, what with the lava monster looking like the Thing already.

There’s a time zone joke in there too, but it kind of lags.

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And now for a happy interlude to convince you that yes, you can bring your kids to this.

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Peaceful!

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Charming!

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Aaand, we’re back. Show me my girl in action.

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SHOW ‘EM MOANA.

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Oh, I’m here for bonding! I’ll pay extra for bonding. Also, this is one of the only shots of grown-up Moana without the necklace. So what about what I see on her mother’s neck? CNN investigates this incredibly unimportant segue at 11:00.

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A mother holds her young my the scruff of its neck as she absolutely massacres something. I love her so much.

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“Riding happily into the sunset” reimagined.

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“Really? Blow dart. In my butt cheek.”

I don’t know what to tell you man, it’s kind of a sizable target.

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I’M READY.

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“The coordinates say you’re practically on top of it”

Wait! Augh, I should have done a Phantom of the Opera reference. You know, in the masquerade sequence? It’s less succinct, but it’s more mainstream. Whatever. If you want Carmen Sandiego, you got it, if you want Phantom, it’s implied.

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I could go for some Carmen Sandiego right about now though.

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“We’re going to the realm of monsters?”

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“Don’t worry! It’s a lot farther down than it looks.”

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See? The Tigger of our generation. Bless him.

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“I am still falling!”

Moana ain’t gonna throw her hair down for your sorry butt, Maui.

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HAHA SURE I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE TEARED UP WHEN I FIRST FOUND OUT LMM WAS INVOLVED IN THIS MASTERPIECE

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And I so know what I’m thankful for. Long live the Princesses.

Guys! What do you think? Get on board the hype train with me.

Trailer Breakdown for Frozen

27 Sep

Yesterday, the trailer for Disney’s Frozen was released. Suffice to say I was a little excited, having been checking for this trailer nearly every day for something like three weeks. I like my Disney movies. But now that I’ve seen the trailer seventy times, it’s time to subject it to the breakdown.

If you haven’t seen the trailer yet, you can watch it here, and then you can come on back and analyze it with me.

[Dramatic voice-over]
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“Summer in the city of Rivendell Arendelle: it couldn’t be warmer.”

That actually sounds pretty unpleasant.
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“It couldn’t be sunnier.”

Why are all those people wearing long sleeves?
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“But that’s about to change.”

Does anyone here know how to dress for the weather?F_4

“Forever.”

Oh, now, she’s wearing a sleeveless dress. Now that she’s on top of a mountain shooting sparkly ice out of her hands. I guess you do what you want when you’re queen.

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I mean, if we’ve learned anything from the Chronicles of Narnia, it’s that queens have a propensity for cold, right?

And hey, everyone’s gonna be happy they’re already wearing winter clothes.F_8

“Coldcoldcoldcoldcold”

Except this fool.

Anna, honey, you gonna catch your death of cold.

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Is anything fandom-related not happening in November? And don’t say Sherlock. We don’t need that kind of negativity here.F_10

Introducing: this obligatory Disney white horse and its incompetent rider.F_11

… Who has yet to figure out the mechanics of a jacket. I mean, come on. It’s snowing.f_12

“Really?”

Really.

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“If we don’t do something soon, we’ll all freeze to death!”F_15

“You want to talk about a problem? I sell ice for a living.”F_17

“Ooh, that’s a rough business to be in right now! I mean that is really –

F_18

That’s unfortunate.”

Look at the pain on Ice Guy’s face. How could you be so insensitive, Anna?

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We could ignore the horse’s expression, but I’d rather not. What is that?F_20

I’m going with “up to something.”

Disney animals are the biggest shippers of us all, folks.
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“This is awkward. Not you’re awkward, but just cos we’re –F_22

I’m awkward. You’re gorgeous.F_23

Wait, what?”

Ladies and gentlemen, if you were looking for a way to identify with Anna, then there you go. We’re done here.
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No.F_25

“Hi, everyone! I’m Olaf.”

In case you haven’t seen it, the original teaser for this film was a plot-free, human-free, dialogue-free two minutes of this little jerk fighting with a reindeer over a carrot, Ice Age-Scrat style. I think that’s enough backstory to explain why I may be a little hostile towards him.

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Let’s all just appreciate the freckles for a second.
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“I know how to stop this winter.”F_28

Ice Guy has a sweet ride. How much does the ice business pay?

“I like fast!”F_29

“WHOA WHOA whoawhoawhoa. Get your feet down. This is fresh lacquer.F_30

Seriously, were you raised in a barn?”

If no one else is gonna say it, I will.

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“Let’s go bring back summer!”

Said the snowman.

Doesn’t something about that seem wrong to you?

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“Wolves!”

Thank you, Ice Guy. I was curious about those feral, canine animals.F_34

“Duck!”

Mandolin: the new frying pan?F_35

“Oh mama, I have got to get me one of these!”F_38

“Are you okay?”

“I’ve got a thick skull.”

Ice Guy, you’re adorable.F_39

“I don’t have a skull.”

NO ONE ASKED YOU OLAFF_40

If you make a snowman joke, I will lose my mind.

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gah.F_42

“Now we just have to survive this blizzard!”F_61

“That’s no blizzard!”F_43

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“That’s my sister!”

Well, I guess you could say her sister Elsa is a… cold mess.

Get it? Like, not a hot mess, but a… You know what, forget it.

Look at Olaf’s smug little face.  Ice Guy had to carry him. Ice Guy has to carry a snowman through a snowstorm. 

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“It is not nice to throw snowpeople!”F_46

Anna, even this bionicle snowman is frustrated that you’re defending that guy.F_47

There’s November again. Taunting us.F_48

“Olaf, you’re melting!”

Elsa, your voice doesn’t have any of the joy that I would think would go with that sentence. I’m concerned.

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“Some people are worth melting for.”

Wait, snowman/sorceress pairing? Is that legal?

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awesomeF_51

scene

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montageF_53

“Olaf!”F_54

“Hang in there, guys!”

DANGIT OLAF

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I am so far beyond excited for this movie.
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“I can’t feel my legs! I can’t feel my legs!”

Olaf, you are MADE OF SNOW

“Those are my legs.”
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“Oh, hey, do me a favor and grab my butt!”F_58

Did you justF_59Ice Guy,  you’re just encouraging him.