Tag Archives: Spider-Man

Trailer Breakdown for The Amazing Spider-Man 2

6 Dec

The first trailer for The Amazing Spider-Man 2 came out a whole day ago. Ample time to watch it until you still see it when you close your eyes, don’t you think? Well, if you haven’t quite reached that point, then here’s to getting started (click here for the trailer), and now begins yet another breakdown.

(I’m up to my eyeballs in these things.)

((Certainly can’t complain.))

*Wind wooshing*
ams_1

*That might be muscles wooshing*ams_2

*It’s all conjecture at this point*ams_6

“Every day, I wake up knowing – ams_7

That the more people I try to save,ams_8

The more enemies I will make,

Everyone knows you’re not Spider-man until you brood in a graveyard. This is a big moment.ams_9

Whoa, whoa, whoa, did they just make the Rhino look good?

Slow clap, Sony. You earned it.
ams_10

I don’t know who that is yet, but he looks cool too. Movie’s on a roll.ams_12

And it’s just a matter of time before I face those with more power than I can overcome.”ams_13

Haha, power, I get it.ams_14

Get it? Power? People are being electrocuted.

Hilarious.ams_15

Oh please, you know Spider-Pun’s gonna do some rendition of that joke.

You just watch.
ams_16yaaaaaaaay

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“Sorry I’m late. I had a traffic jam.”
ams_19

Yes. Yes you did.ams_20

“Did your traffic jam have anything to do with being, I don’t know, shot at by machine guns?”ams_21

Yes. Yes it did.ams_22

“Yeah, yeah, no, that was implied, I was implying that.”

Starring: The Amazing Stutter-Man.ams_24

“Peter Parker.”

 Tobey Maguire during the greasy Venom stage?ams_25

“Harry Osborn.”

Aaaand, that’s how a truly subtle screenwriter introduces a character. Welcome to the franchise Harry! Again.ams_26

“You’re gonna wanna see this.

ams_27

Good call. I always want to see touch-screen desks.

But seriously, when are those getting invented?ams_28

Oscorp had you under surveillance.”
ams_29

“Why?”ams_30

“Well, isn’t that just the question of the day.”

Okay, just for a moment here, I know this guy’s the bad guy, but can we please appreciate the fact that his eyes are Legolas blue? Can we do that?
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::completely unrelated shot of destruction to keep you interested::
ams_32

“There’s something you’re not telling me, Aunt May.”

You’re totally one to talk about secrets, freaking Spider-man.

Oh, also, can we talk about his Sherlockian case map in the background? And is it really necessary for there to be four pictures of his girlfriend on it? I hope he’s at least changed his desktop background. That boy needs a hobby.

ams_33

“I once told you that secrets had a cost. The truth does too.”

You’re kind of stingy about these things, aren’t you?
ams_34ams_35

You know, the main reason I don’t have superheroes in my town is probably that we don’t have subways. Those things are magnets for fictional characters.ams_36ams_37ams_38

“My name is Richard Parker. I have discovered what Oscorp was going to use my research for. ams_41

VULTURE PILLAR OSBORN DOCTOR OCTOPUS

THIS SHOT THOUGHams_42

I have a responsibility to protect the world from what I know they’re capable of.”

*muffled hurried footsteps*

*crash*

*door flings open as Uncle Ben trips into the room*

“DID SOMEONE SAY RESPONSIBILITY?”

ams_43ams_44

“What is all this?”ams_45

“The future.”

The future has found more ways to utilize electric eels than I originally thought it would.
ams_46

“We – literally – can change the world.”

It’s time to stop metaphorically changing the world, guys. Greasy-venom-stage Tobey says so.
ams_47

Ooooooooooo
ams_48

Aaaaaaah –

WAIT NO STOP How many villains are even in this movie?ams_49

“What about Peter?”

Weren’t we chums with Peter forty seconds ago?

ams_50

“Not everyone has a happy ending.”

I’ll take that as a no.ams_51

Look at that, that’s no movie scene, that’s like a magnificent comic book splash page. My name is Barack Obama, and I approve of this shot.ams_52

ams_53

“This is bigger than you, Peter.”

Would you say it has more power?ams_54

AhahahahaWHOA son when did Electro turn into a jellyfish?ams_55

A really powerful jellyfish, I concede.ams_56

“I made a choice.

Also starring: Peter Parker’s stellar taste in music.ams_57

This is my path.”
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I apologize for the bad quality, but everyone needs to see this ridiculously classic move.ams_61

Wait! I know this one! Just throw an inflatable life raft over the hole, right? That’ll fix the problem!

*glares at Agents of SHIELD*

Come on, guys.ams_62

“Soon, everyone in this city will know how it feels –ams_63

to live in a world without power,ams_64

without mercy,
ams_65ams_66

(Because pretty)ams_67

without Spider-Man.”ams_68

It’s okay; bask in the gorgeous for as long as you need to. ams_69

I know I say this about pretty much every movie I break down, but oh MAN, this really looks magnificent.

ams_70Understandable. Does he finally realize he wasn’t invited to the Avengers?

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Love from: Hollywood

2 May

I think we can all agree that every story has a moral. Some of them are far more blatant than others, and sometimes you’ll end up analyzing a story so hard that you’re not even certain that the writer meant the moral to exist. But there’s always a message to be conveyed through fiction. Today, I will take a look at some of the lessons I’ve gleaned from television, particularly those about love: how to make sure your relationship is built to last.

This is what I have so far. Feel free to take notes.

If you and your intended despise each other long and hard enough, your love will be that much deeper.

So don’t hold back.

Tumblr_lo63d5dd2x1qkwc9zo1_500_large

In fact, take your hatred out on other things around you, too.

Nothing says, “I’m ready for a stable relationship!” like bitterness and malice, ladies!

Now, once you’ve made your enemy, you’re ready to start being nice to each other. However, not too nice.

Don’t kiss someone until you are certain that you won’t regret it.

Because you could regret it quite a bit.

However, kissing and/or other random acts of intimacy may well trick someone into falling in love with you, so it’s worth the risk. 

(See also: nearly every romantic comedy that has ever existed) Try to make it seem like an accident. Trip and fall on top of each other on your way out of a room. Eat spaghetti without proper eating utensils. You’d be surprised at how often this works. Especially if you’re an animal. 

Gentlemen, women can’t resist a man in a mask.

Use whatever excuse you have to. Disfigurement is popular, but being a genius billionaire playboy philanthropist will work as well (infinitely better in some cases). Just use what you have. It’s all in how you work the technique.

And of course, if all else fails, awkward is adorable.

I’m so in love with Mr. Darcy <3I still don’t understand how Elizabeth could have possibly rejected him the first time. One does not simply not accept Mr. Darcy’s hand.

 

Tell her just how uncomfortable she makes you feel by making her feel equally fish-out-of-water-esque.

Take care to do the pained eye-flicking carefully, and then prepare to catch your intended as she swoons. Works every time. Apparently.

Now take a good hard look at you and your newfound lover. Your relationship could not be healthier, nor more unpredictable! Congratulations! Now that you’ve snagged a significant other, don’t skimp on the PDA. Your friends are all just happy you’re happy, so keep it coming!

And now, if you haven’t already, I would like you to read that last paragraph again in a tone so dripping with sarcasm that your face begins to sting.

Good?

Good.

I hope you’ve all benefited from today’s analysis. Love on, my friends!