Tag Archives: Superheroes

Trailer Breakdown for Justice League

26 Mar

It’s common knowledge that the best thing for anyone’s worldview is to develop a habit of gratitude. It’s not always easy to cultivate; however, life just gives you things sometimes. This is one of those times. On this beautiful March weekend, DC delivered to us the first official trailer for the Justice League movie.

As you well know, my mom raised a polite little sweetheart, so I already wrote my thank-you note (you’re reading it). Have you screamed about DC today? Take a peek at the long-awaited trailer by clicking here. When you’re through, you know where I’ll be.

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We begin on a cliff and a lonely figure. Seems very like a superhero we already know.

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“We have to be ready. You, me, the others – there’s an attack coming from far away.”

The voice says Bruce Wayne, but the clothes say Snart, Captain Cold.

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Oh well. You can’t win them all.

“Not coming, Bruce. It’s already here.”

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You know when Wonder Woman narrates the scene right before yours, something’s going down. It’s not a matter of if, but when.jl6

In this case, it’s when your air conditioning unit starts to levitate.

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It’s when Terminator creeps up out of your wall like a termite. You have to get used to these things.jl8

“The others – where are they?”

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“Arthur Curry. The Aquaman.”

Image result for part of your world gif

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Have you ever had one of those times where a friend asked you, “Hey, what’s your type?” and you were like, “I don’t know, but I know it when I see it?”

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I’m just thinking about that today, I guess.

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See, this general water-based violence is something Marvel’s Prince Namor would be into. The difference is that his tiny ankle wings would be flapping like overworked canaries while he squealed about his bloodline. I’m glad things turned out the way they did.

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“It’s on him.”

Real nice of him to offer to pay for your drink that was actually just the last dregs of someone else’s drink. That garbage is 60% backwash now, but you do you.

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“Organic and bio-mechatronic body parts… He’s a cyborg.”

I’m not going to say anything about the innate lack of imagination in Cyborg’s naming history. Hey, 1980 was a busy year. Pac-Man came out! John Lennon was shot! The last thing on my mind would be giving a cyborg a name that wasn’t just literally “cyborg.”

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“You should probably move.”

What a guy! This is the best advice any superhero has ever given any civilian, and it should be given way more often. See also: No one should live in Gotham City.

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“Barry Allen.”

I’m here to talk to you about the Justice League… Initiative.

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I love these snapshots of each person’s powers. Thank you for the clarification – for the uninitiated, Barry Allen is the one who goes nyooooom

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“Whoever you’re looking for, it’s not me.”

I know, but Grant Gustin wasn’t available. Look, for real though, no beef. I adore the CW’s Flash, but Grant Gustin or Ezra Miller, if you put on that red suit, you become the light of my life.

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Mr. Wayne feels a little different about the whole light-of-my-life thing, but I’m sure that will change by the end of the movie.

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I’ve had two Quiksilvers and one Flash already. This scene is so familiar and cozy it makes me want to throw on pajamas and fix tea.

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“You’re the Batman?”

Related image

Just “Batman.” It’s cleaner.

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“They said the age of heroes would never come again.”

“It has to.”

All right, show us the lineup, The Batman.

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We got Cyborg®™

jl27The Fastest Man Alive (wheniwasachildisawmymotherkilledbysomethingimpossiblemy-fatherwenttoprisonforhermurderbutthenanaccidentmademetheimpossiblesecretlyiuse-myspeedtofightcrimeandfindotherslikemeandonedayillfindwhokilledmymother)jl28

Wonderful Woman

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and Big Boy

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(Cried DC executives while checking the success of their last movies)

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When it’s moving, it looks a lot more badass and a lot less like a video game glitch. Trust me.

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Look at my beautiful girl sweeping the knee; I might cry.

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I’ll chase them anywhere/there’s time to spare/

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Let the Justice League share this whole new world with you/

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“What are your superpowers again?”

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“I’m rich.”

Don’t you read comics, Barry? Rich-Man has the proportionate strength and ability of a Swiss Bank Account.

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From here on out, the scenes in the trailer get very fast and hard to capture, so let me walk you through it. Batman breaks into some sort of a machine that has him flipping around.

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“Now it’s my turn.”

Now it’s his turn.

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This… Um, I think a moonbase colony is attacking the Justice League. Not the people of the moonbase, but like, those buildings that are all linked together on other planets in science fiction movies. You know?

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I really have no idea here. This shot is a complete mystery. What is going on??? I don’t know but I’m bored

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Wonder Woman flexes after beating Batman in an arm wrestling match. Aquaman looks on and feels admiration along with a little something he doesn’t recognize – is it love?

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Barry Allen dropkicks the timeline and ruins everybody’s lives.

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Lois Lane makes the face I made during the football scene.

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This chick shows up to remind me how little I really know about DC lore.

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Barry tells his dad he still believes in him. Hey! I know one or two of my last explanations may have been conjecture, but this is a sure thing. Take this one to the bank. “No, dad, you’re innocent. Don’t give up.” See you in November, nerds. I’m gonna be right.

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For a battle I know nothing about, this battlefield looks incredible. I mean, what do we even know so far about the villains from the trailer?

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We know their eyes glow. We know that they’re metal. We know they broke some poor chump’s air conditioner (jerks). We know that we’re rooting against them – so maybe we know all that we need to.

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“Shall we?”

I’m so there, Wonderful.

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GLORIOUS.

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“It’s good to see you playing well with others again.”

Right back at you, J. Jonah Jameson. Is the Daily Bugle gonna be okay without you there to yell at it?

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“Dressed like a bat. I dig it.”

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“Maybe temporary.”

The arm wrestling match with Wonderful must have left him a little bit of a sore loser.

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“Yeah!”

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I live and breathe unlikely friendships. I’m already in the theater guys, let’s do this thing.

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COME AT ME NOVEMBER. leave the 3D behind but COME AT ME WITH EVERYTHING ELSE. I’m so excited for this! Comments? Questions? Concerns? I’m sure a lot of people have all three, but this movie looks incredible. And for my part, I don’t mind not getting to know the villains very well as long as they take the time to love on their main characters without having to use on-screen fact sheets (cough, cough Suicide Squad cough, cough, which was still you know, cough cough, a fun movie, but like, cough, not good).

Let me know what you think of Justice League so far! Here’s to an anticipatory six months, kiddos.

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Trailer Breakdown for The Amazing Spider-Man 2

6 Dec

The first trailer for The Amazing Spider-Man 2 came out a whole day ago. Ample time to watch it until you still see it when you close your eyes, don’t you think? Well, if you haven’t quite reached that point, then here’s to getting started (click here for the trailer), and now begins yet another breakdown.

(I’m up to my eyeballs in these things.)

((Certainly can’t complain.))

*Wind wooshing*
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*That might be muscles wooshing*ams_2

*It’s all conjecture at this point*ams_6

“Every day, I wake up knowing – ams_7

That the more people I try to save,ams_8

The more enemies I will make,

Everyone knows you’re not Spider-man until you brood in a graveyard. This is a big moment.ams_9

Whoa, whoa, whoa, did they just make the Rhino look good?

Slow clap, Sony. You earned it.
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I don’t know who that is yet, but he looks cool too. Movie’s on a roll.ams_12

And it’s just a matter of time before I face those with more power than I can overcome.”ams_13

Haha, power, I get it.ams_14

Get it? Power? People are being electrocuted.

Hilarious.ams_15

Oh please, you know Spider-Pun’s gonna do some rendition of that joke.

You just watch.
ams_16yaaaaaaaay

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“Sorry I’m late. I had a traffic jam.”
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Yes. Yes you did.ams_20

“Did your traffic jam have anything to do with being, I don’t know, shot at by machine guns?”ams_21

Yes. Yes it did.ams_22

“Yeah, yeah, no, that was implied, I was implying that.”

Starring: The Amazing Stutter-Man.ams_24

“Peter Parker.”

 Tobey Maguire during the greasy Venom stage?ams_25

“Harry Osborn.”

Aaaand, that’s how a truly subtle screenwriter introduces a character. Welcome to the franchise Harry! Again.ams_26

“You’re gonna wanna see this.

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Good call. I always want to see touch-screen desks.

But seriously, when are those getting invented?ams_28

Oscorp had you under surveillance.”
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“Why?”ams_30

“Well, isn’t that just the question of the day.”

Okay, just for a moment here, I know this guy’s the bad guy, but can we please appreciate the fact that his eyes are Legolas blue? Can we do that?
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::completely unrelated shot of destruction to keep you interested::
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“There’s something you’re not telling me, Aunt May.”

You’re totally one to talk about secrets, freaking Spider-man.

Oh, also, can we talk about his Sherlockian case map in the background? And is it really necessary for there to be four pictures of his girlfriend on it? I hope he’s at least changed his desktop background. That boy needs a hobby.

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“I once told you that secrets had a cost. The truth does too.”

You’re kind of stingy about these things, aren’t you?
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You know, the main reason I don’t have superheroes in my town is probably that we don’t have subways. Those things are magnets for fictional characters.ams_36ams_37ams_38

“My name is Richard Parker. I have discovered what Oscorp was going to use my research for. ams_41

VULTURE PILLAR OSBORN DOCTOR OCTOPUS

THIS SHOT THOUGHams_42

I have a responsibility to protect the world from what I know they’re capable of.”

*muffled hurried footsteps*

*crash*

*door flings open as Uncle Ben trips into the room*

“DID SOMEONE SAY RESPONSIBILITY?”

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“What is all this?”ams_45

“The future.”

The future has found more ways to utilize electric eels than I originally thought it would.
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“We – literally – can change the world.”

It’s time to stop metaphorically changing the world, guys. Greasy-venom-stage Tobey says so.
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Ooooooooooo
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Aaaaaaah –

WAIT NO STOP How many villains are even in this movie?ams_49

“What about Peter?”

Weren’t we chums with Peter forty seconds ago?

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“Not everyone has a happy ending.”

I’ll take that as a no.ams_51

Look at that, that’s no movie scene, that’s like a magnificent comic book splash page. My name is Barack Obama, and I approve of this shot.ams_52

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“This is bigger than you, Peter.”

Would you say it has more power?ams_54

AhahahahaWHOA son when did Electro turn into a jellyfish?ams_55

A really powerful jellyfish, I concede.ams_56

“I made a choice.

Also starring: Peter Parker’s stellar taste in music.ams_57

This is my path.”
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I apologize for the bad quality, but everyone needs to see this ridiculously classic move.ams_61

Wait! I know this one! Just throw an inflatable life raft over the hole, right? That’ll fix the problem!

*glares at Agents of SHIELD*

Come on, guys.ams_62

“Soon, everyone in this city will know how it feels –ams_63

to live in a world without power,ams_64

without mercy,
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(Because pretty)ams_67

without Spider-Man.”ams_68

It’s okay; bask in the gorgeous for as long as you need to. ams_69

I know I say this about pretty much every movie I break down, but oh MAN, this really looks magnificent.

ams_70Understandable. Does he finally realize he wasn’t invited to the Avengers?

Trailer Breakdown of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

15 May

Hello, people of the internet. Have you recently found yourself thinking, “I need to watch more television”?

Fret no longer.

Twenty-two hours ago marked the release of the official Agents of SHIELD trailer. For those of you have seen it and have begun marking their calendars (at this point, just circling the entirety of all the Tuesdays in fall), it’s clear that it is now time to take a closer look at this preview. Let’s begin.

Agents of SHIELD || Starring: instagram filters and stock footage.

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You haven’t seen that shot before. Uh-uh. NEVER.

“For years, the truth was hidden. People from other times…

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… Other worlds…

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… heroes.”

AoS_5Did you hear that? It was the sound of action figure sales skyrocketing. It may also have been the sound of me playing with action figures.

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If you don’t get enthralled or even mildly interested when this sequence begins, then I don’t get you.

“What does SHIELD stand for, Agent Ward?”

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“Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement, and Logistics Division.”

“And what does that mean to you?”

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“It means someone really wanted our initials to spell out SHIELD.”

If you were looking for a reason to like this enigmatic character, you just found it.

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“I’m clearance level six. I know that Agent Coulson was killed in action for the battle in New York.”

Was that a lead-in? It sounded like a lead-in.

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AoS_11“Excuse me while I rock your world, Mr. Ward.”

“Welcome to level seven.”

And the people rejoiced. Welcome home, Phil. (I need someone to say “Uh, his name is Agent.” Any takers? Yes, thank you.) I should mention at this point that if you don’t say anything resentful about your ruined Captain America trading cards, you run the risk of letting everyone down.

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Who’s this? Ultimate Spider-Man?
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Ultimate Spider-Man who left his suit at the cleaner’s and webbing at home?

“Who’s that?”

“That’s a superhero, Agent Ward.”

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Agents of SHIELD || Also starring: Captain Obvious.

“We work the cases SHIELD hasn’t classified. The strange, the unknown.”

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[The holographic office chairs.]

“It’s not just spy vs. spy anymore.”

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You know that’s right.

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Yeah, we know who he is.

Oh, hello again, unequipped Ultimate Spider-Man.

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You’re famous now. And, interestingly enough,

“You’re in danger.”

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“What kind of danger?”

“SHIELD.”

Don’t get carried away being too descriptive, covergirl.

Apparently, SHIELD’s radar is not one you want to be on.

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“We will rise against those who shield us from the truth.”

Is that covergirl again? I should probably find out her name.

“And nothing can stop us in the -“

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Covergirl, you’re dealing with Agent Coulson. Leave some room for error in your predictions about being stopped. He will tase you and watch supernanny while you- oh, wait, nevermind. Cut to BFF scene.

Shippers, start shipping.

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Covergirl and Coulson. I like it. However, I would like even more to know this woman’s name.

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Or this guy’s name. Anyone’s name would be great. I admit, I’ve not read very many SHIELD comics, so I am a little lost.

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*Dramatic look up*

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What now?

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Really, though, what?

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“We have a couple of hours at most, there’s no way that we could possibly – “

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“Don’t ever tell me there’s no way!”

Yeah, Simmons. Lest we forget: Agent Phil Coulson. Annoy this man, and he will tase you and watch supernanny while you drool on the carpet.

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EXPLOSION DAMSEL STUNTMAN FIGHT SCENE

In case you were losing interest.

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“Don’t touch Lola.”

But she’s so pretty

Agents of SHIELDAlso starring: Lola.

Weak

9 May

Last night, I found out that my youth leader follows comic books. I probably shouldn’t score people, but I do, so I have no shame in saying this was absolutely an instance where his points went up. Fantastic job, good sir. 

We were talking about superheroes, and he brought up why he doesn’t like Superman (I’m not trying to start a rumble, Superman superfans. Just stating opinions over here). He said he thought DC had a god complex with their heroes, illustrated when Superman died and came back to life, and how he doesn’t really have weaknesses – he has a weakness (kryptonite [which just so happens to be only native to a dead planet]). Because of his strength, Superman became less interesting to him.

I understood, but the very fact that I understood struck me as ironic. I mean, the main reason that people are attracted to superheroes is that they are so much stronger than us. They can do the things we only dream of doing – they can fly, teleport, draw adamantium claws out of their fists (That’s not just me, is it? Who doesn’t want claws? Claws are fabulous.), and so on. But we don’t want them to be too strong. We want even our heroes to be flawed and messy.

Spider-man is one of the world’s most popular superheroes, and he could not be more different from Superman. No one thanks Spider-man for saving the day, he is consistently broke, and he is generally thought of as one of the criminals that he pursues. And yet, he is just as popular with readers as an invulnerable man from Krypton whom everyone loves.

[Excuse me while I take a rabbit trail that I promise applies] Ask any person why they enjoy the company of their friends, and one of the answers will definitely include the things that they have in common.

We love to identify with people. The joy of having someone know what you mean to say even when you can’t find the words to say it is fantastic.

Even with all the people in the world, we still tend to be surprised when we find someone who has something in common with us. And we adore it. Misery may love company, but so does happiness, so does love, and so do we.

We search for people who remind us of us. And we want our fictional heroes to be the same way. Obviously, not everyone has shrapnel trying every second to cut its way into their hearts, but we can still identify with many of Iron Man’s struggles. Most of us are not battling a past full of treachery, but we can still find a bit of us in the Black Widow. Not everyone of us is an orphan, but Batman still speaks to us in some small way.

Because they are broken.

Because we are broken.

Because no matter how much we try to improve upon ourselves, we will always have infirmities, and we want to see someone with our infirmities prove that we can overcome them. As the good book says,

“I am glad to boast in my weakness, so that the power of Christ can work through me.” 2nd Corinthians 12:9

People are ridiculously diverse, but we all have one thing in common – we are weak. Some of us fancy that we are weaker than some and stronger than others, but not a single one of us is perfect, every one of us is weak. If we weren’t, strength would be so much less marvelous. We would not find it spectacular that a drug addict turned her life around and got clean, or that a father returned to his abandoned family, or that a community banded together, despite their differences, and did something good.

Light shines brightest in the dark, and the strength God has given us is all the more remarkable in weakness.

We can be strong, not despite our weaknesses, but because of them.

So be strong, be dazzling, and be a superhero.

And have a nice day.

 

Disclaimer: Yes, I understand that nearly every superhero ever ever ever has died and come back to life. Hey, someone’s got to make money off of serial comic books, yeah?