Tag Archives: the amazing spider-man 2

Language Tutoring

17 Feb

I don’t speak sports.

I feel so un-worldly when I’m reminded of this.

Whenever the people around me start speaking fluent sports, and I have to be the stereotypical girl going, “Sorry, could you say that slower?”

The recentish Superbowl and currently-unfolding Olympics are good examples. At the Superbowl, I casually rooted for the Seahawks and was casually delighted when they grinded the Broncos into a pulp, but I can’t say I watched any more than ten seconds of the game at a time.

(Actually, I think I speak for a couple other people out there when I say the only reasons I tuned in for Superbowl Sunday were the Captain America: The Winter Soldier, The Amazing Spider-Man 2, and Tom Hiddleston In A Helicopter Drinking Tea Superbowl trailers.)

“A stiff upper lip is key.”

With the Olympics, my response is rather similar. I mean, of course I’m watching events and rooting for the USA.

(I’m not a terrorist)

The whole concept of the Olympics is magnificent, and nobody really disagrees with said fact (cough*terrorists*cough). But I do wish I got more pumped about the whole spectacle – I think it comes to down to an altogether lack of plot.

But some people, as I’m sure you’ve noticed if you know a few of what we call homo sapiens, really, really like sports. Everyone has an area of expertise as far as conversation goes, and a certain sports and/or sports is a very common one.

Take pastors, for example. They, like everyone, have their own areas of expertise. I had one several years ago who liked to throw up clips from Men in Black and Lord of the Rings when he thought it helped his point, and even if it didn’t exactly, I always enjoyed those Sunday mornings.

However, a different pastor, a guest speaker at my church a couple weeks ago, is one of those sports fans we’ve heard so much about, and half of his sermon was a football analogy. I tracked, but I was pretty grumbly about the whole ordeal, mentally griping at him about his connecting with a few people at the cost of alienating others (And obviously, this whole “church” institution is for me alone, so he should clean up his act).

And then I realized something truly horrific.

This. This is what people must feel like when I make a fandom reference.

That, my friend, is a serious problem.

I don’t worry about that on here, of course, if you can’t stand my subject choice, you can feel free to close the web page anytime you please – but in real life, I have indeed been annoying in this way before.

Shocker, isn’t it.

At least pastors don’t hunt me down, open a conversation with an obscure football reference and then proceed to tell me to at least try football because “OHMYGOSH it’s so good, it’s got these really complex players, and you never know what’s going to happen next, and when you start to love it you can come to my house and we’ll have a football marathon, eat football-themed foods, tell each other football-themed pick-up lines, and we’ll collectively try to convert more and more people to our cult fanbase!”

It’s like looking into a terrible football-flavored mirror.

See now, I say that football is the opposite of things I understand.

But I think I understand the people who love it way more than I ever meant to.

I once shared an airplane flight with a kid who adored golf, and when he found out the in-flight entertainment was free viewing of the golf channel, he was ecstatic. I remember trying my darnedest to detect hints of sarcasm.

I mean, excited about golf? Excited about watching golf? He even mumbled, as he set up his iPad to watch the channel, “it’s kind of the only reason I would watch TV.”

Oh, cool, I thought, there goes hours of my best conversation fodder.

Which makes me sad.

What I do speak, I speak rather well. However, as a friend of the family put it best,

“… my second language is just speaking louder.”

You don’t want to talk about my favorite pieces of story-telling? Um, then *ahem* DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT MY FAIR LADY? OR WOULD YOU RATHER HEAR ABOUT SCIENCE FICTION HEY COME BACK

I have found myself being a jerk about a lot of things that other people love, but I never cease to be frustrated and hurt when people are jerks about what I love.

That’s a little bit backward.

For those predispositions to even out, I need to change one.

I don’t know if any of you share this cross with me, but if not, that’s okay – this has mainly been a stern slap across the wrist for myself.

I need to learn a couple other languages.

Trailer Breakdown for The Amazing Spider-Man 2

6 Dec

The first trailer for The Amazing Spider-Man 2 came out a whole day ago. Ample time to watch it until you still see it when you close your eyes, don’t you think? Well, if you haven’t quite reached that point, then here’s to getting started (click here for the trailer), and now begins yet another breakdown.

(I’m up to my eyeballs in these things.)

((Certainly can’t complain.))

*Wind wooshing*
ams_1

*That might be muscles wooshing*ams_2

*It’s all conjecture at this point*ams_6

“Every day, I wake up knowing – ams_7

That the more people I try to save,ams_8

The more enemies I will make,

Everyone knows you’re not Spider-man until you brood in a graveyard. This is a big moment.ams_9

Whoa, whoa, whoa, did they just make the Rhino look good?

Slow clap, Sony. You earned it.
ams_10

I don’t know who that is yet, but he looks cool too. Movie’s on a roll.ams_12

And it’s just a matter of time before I face those with more power than I can overcome.”ams_13

Haha, power, I get it.ams_14

Get it? Power? People are being electrocuted.

Hilarious.ams_15

Oh please, you know Spider-Pun’s gonna do some rendition of that joke.

You just watch.
ams_16yaaaaaaaay

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“Sorry I’m late. I had a traffic jam.”
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Yes. Yes you did.ams_20

“Did your traffic jam have anything to do with being, I don’t know, shot at by machine guns?”ams_21

Yes. Yes it did.ams_22

“Yeah, yeah, no, that was implied, I was implying that.”

Starring: The Amazing Stutter-Man.ams_24

“Peter Parker.”

 Tobey Maguire during the greasy Venom stage?ams_25

“Harry Osborn.”

Aaaand, that’s how a truly subtle screenwriter introduces a character. Welcome to the franchise Harry! Again.ams_26

“You’re gonna wanna see this.

ams_27

Good call. I always want to see touch-screen desks.

But seriously, when are those getting invented?ams_28

Oscorp had you under surveillance.”
ams_29

“Why?”ams_30

“Well, isn’t that just the question of the day.”

Okay, just for a moment here, I know this guy’s the bad guy, but can we please appreciate the fact that his eyes are Legolas blue? Can we do that?
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::completely unrelated shot of destruction to keep you interested::
ams_32

“There’s something you’re not telling me, Aunt May.”

You’re totally one to talk about secrets, freaking Spider-man.

Oh, also, can we talk about his Sherlockian case map in the background? And is it really necessary for there to be four pictures of his girlfriend on it? I hope he’s at least changed his desktop background. That boy needs a hobby.

ams_33

“I once told you that secrets had a cost. The truth does too.”

You’re kind of stingy about these things, aren’t you?
ams_34ams_35

You know, the main reason I don’t have superheroes in my town is probably that we don’t have subways. Those things are magnets for fictional characters.ams_36ams_37ams_38

“My name is Richard Parker. I have discovered what Oscorp was going to use my research for. ams_41

VULTURE PILLAR OSBORN DOCTOR OCTOPUS

THIS SHOT THOUGHams_42

I have a responsibility to protect the world from what I know they’re capable of.”

*muffled hurried footsteps*

*crash*

*door flings open as Uncle Ben trips into the room*

“DID SOMEONE SAY RESPONSIBILITY?”

ams_43ams_44

“What is all this?”ams_45

“The future.”

The future has found more ways to utilize electric eels than I originally thought it would.
ams_46

“We – literally – can change the world.”

It’s time to stop metaphorically changing the world, guys. Greasy-venom-stage Tobey says so.
ams_47

Ooooooooooo
ams_48

Aaaaaaah –

WAIT NO STOP How many villains are even in this movie?ams_49

“What about Peter?”

Weren’t we chums with Peter forty seconds ago?

ams_50

“Not everyone has a happy ending.”

I’ll take that as a no.ams_51

Look at that, that’s no movie scene, that’s like a magnificent comic book splash page. My name is Barack Obama, and I approve of this shot.ams_52

ams_53

“This is bigger than you, Peter.”

Would you say it has more power?ams_54

AhahahahaWHOA son when did Electro turn into a jellyfish?ams_55

A really powerful jellyfish, I concede.ams_56

“I made a choice.

Also starring: Peter Parker’s stellar taste in music.ams_57

This is my path.”
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I apologize for the bad quality, but everyone needs to see this ridiculously classic move.ams_61

Wait! I know this one! Just throw an inflatable life raft over the hole, right? That’ll fix the problem!

*glares at Agents of SHIELD*

Come on, guys.ams_62

“Soon, everyone in this city will know how it feels –ams_63

to live in a world without power,ams_64

without mercy,
ams_65ams_66

(Because pretty)ams_67

without Spider-Man.”ams_68

It’s okay; bask in the gorgeous for as long as you need to. ams_69

I know I say this about pretty much every movie I break down, but oh MAN, this really looks magnificent.

ams_70Understandable. Does he finally realize he wasn’t invited to the Avengers?