Tag Archives: Wolverine

Trailer Breakdown for X-Men: Days of Future Past

29 Oct

First off: this is more new trailers per month than my tiny heart is equipped to handle.

On that note, welcome to yet another film flying the Marvel flag – X-Men: Days of Future Past.  I am stoked. Be stoked with me. The official trailer is here, (watch it as many times as you need to) but the rest of the (admittedly low-key and internet-based) party is right here, so come back around when you’re finished.
x_1

[Sad music begins]x_2

[Sad music continues, oddly out of place for such a joyous sequence]x_3

Charles Xavier voiceover:

“What’s the last thing you remember?x_4

Wolverine’s face, mostly.x_5

Aw, lovely Storm, so good to see you again!x_6

I had a glimpse into the past.”x_7

That ain’t the past, friend. I would remember that facial hair. Congratulations, by the way, Iceman, you no longer look twelve, and we all really appreciate it.x_8

Especially Kitty. Kitty really appreciates it.x_9

And don’t worry, I sure Rogue appreciates from a distance.

x_10

“You’re going to have to do for me what I once did for you.”x_11

“You need me as well.”

Said the guy we last saw mostly stripped of his powers, playing chess by himself in a park full of old men.x_12

Bishop!
x_13

Sunspot!
x_14

Warpath?x_15

Blink?!

You guys, the thing I normally complain about after I see a Marvel movie is that they left out a lot of characters.

I guess this time I’ll just complain about how sad the music made me.
x_16

“Side by side to end this war – before it ever begins.”
x_17 x_18

“So, I wake up in my younger body and then what?”

You say that like you haven’t been thirty-four for the past hundred years. If anyone can handle waking up in a younger body, it’s you.x_19

“Find me. convince me all this.

X-Men: Days of Future Past – In which Charles Xavier dresses up like Ron Burgundy from Anchorman. (In case you needed extra incentive to watch this movie)
x_20

“It’s going to take the two of us.”

Said the guy last seen mostly stripped of his powers, playing chess by himself in a park full of old men.

“And where do I find you?”

x_21

“A different past. A darker past.”x_22

Katniss crying makes me want to cry. Mystique! Mystique crying. Okay, that doesn’t really make me want to cry.

The music does, though.x_23

“Logan, I was a very different man.

Mm, yeah, you were a young Scottish heartthrob with salon-quality hair. Or are you referring to that time you mind-forced people into doing things for you? x_24

Lead me.
x_25

Guide me.

You’re talking to Wolverine, bub.
x_26

Be patient with me.”

Again: Wolverine.
x_27

“Patience isn’t my strongest suit.”

See?x_28

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

(Marvel’s favorite color seems to be tesseract blue, in case you were wondering.)

x_29

Explosions!x_30

Flotation!x_31

Riots where people are wearing some dang fabulous attire!x_32

The President of the united States!x_33

Okay, you got me. This entire “breakdown” thing has just been a front – this is actually an appreciation post for the face of the hefty man on the left. I want a sequel about this guy. We could call it “Hired Gun” and it would be an entirely different genre.

And they’d probably have less depressing music, too.
x_34

Oh, there we go. Shirtless, shot-almost-to-death Hugh Jackman, or it isn’t an X-Man movie.x_35

Dang, Xavier, you’re hard work young.
x_36

I don’t actually know what’s happening in this scene, but if the music’s any indication, it’s heartbreaking.x_37

In which Rogue finally comes around to appreciate Iceman’s facial hair up close. Also, gets dragged away to safety. Multitasking is a great skill to have.
x_39

 Yeah, Mystique, you don’t stand out in this all-human crowd at all.
x_40

Yeah, Mystique, you don’t stand out in this entirely freaking-the-heck-out crowd at all.x_41

Drowning Magneto. That should convince the humans that you aren’t violent!
x_42

I feel safer already!x_43

TRASK YOU COTTON-HEADED NINNY MUGGINS NO ONE LIKES YOU GO HOMEx_44

You can stay, Storm. Your hair looks exciting.x_45

“I don’t want your suffering!

Dang son, Blink did really well in the transition from comic to movie. Of course, an explosion never really hurts.
x_46

I don’t want your future!”

What, you don’t want to lose your hair? I don’t blame you.x_47

More shirtless Wolverine for those of you who were getting bored. The X-Men franchise must have some sort of trademark on the screaming-in-pain face by now, right?
x_48

I’m sorry, but I can’t get a slip ‘n’ slide image out of my mind.x_49

Okay, Magneto is pulling her towards him, sure, but, as far as I can tell, she isn’t exactly wearing any metal zippers on her clothes…x_50

Did he get more attractive? Not cool. Not cool at all. This goes against everything I know.x_51

x_52

… In which Xavier and Magneto act like teenage girls angry at their parents.

[Meanwhile, mournful music build to mournful climax]

black

silencex_54

“Please. We need you to hope again.”x_55

GUUUUYS

That was just kind of REALLY GOOD
x_56That’s soon! Right? Someone tell me that’s soon.

Please.

Time for Some Thrilling Heroics

27 Aug

Heroes stand up for what is right.

They respect themselves.

They respect others.

They respect the law.

They even respect the lawmakers (occasionally).

However, if your personality makes these things less than convenient for you (i.e., you’re a bit of a dirtbag), then there are other options.

At the present time, it is socially acceptable to be a borderline scummy superhero. Many mainstream heroes have given us very comprehensive tutorials for balancing your desire to help others with your desire to sass the entire population of earth.

Take Tony Stark, for example. If you are a young person (preferably a genius) who has a lot to offer, you can easily make sure no one forgets you. And when I say you “have a lot to offer,” I mean that you “have a lot.” That’s right. If you’re filthy stinking rich, the whole ballgame gets a lot more simple (also shown by Batman).

Being rich, entitled, and impervious to good influences also frees you up to feed your diva tendencies. Do something your underlings would expect rich entitled people to do, like build an enormous building with your name on it, or purchase expensive, massive stuffed animals for your loved ones (or loved one, as the case may be).

Admittedly, those ideas are a little overboard, but you catch my drift.

I understand that not everyone is a billionaire, so another hero you can take a cue from is Wolverine. He went from being an irritable assassin with alcohol and authority problems to an irritable X-man with alcohol and authority problems. The only change he really had to make at the beginning of his career was to kill a couple fewer people per day than normal.

If you don’t have the homicidal urges necessary to be a convincing Wolverine, nor the finances to be an Iron Man, you might want to look into the Thing. In this unique bracket, you can be the standard, upstanding hero, with the slight difference that you’re perpetually grumpy, kind of hate everything, and your given dialogue seems to be largely written by a seven-year-old boy with questionable examples of masculinity in his life.

But maybe being a dual dirtbag/superhero is not for you?

If you would rather be a terrible person before you go about your heroics, to get it all out of your system, you’re not alone. Many heroes have done it this way.

Thor Odinson is a good case to look at.

This shining example of a hero very nearly started a war between his kingdom and that of Jotunheim before he realized he was being a moronic egomaniac.

So can you!

You could even pull a Sylar and spend three and a half seasons years giving gory head lacerations to everyone within reach and then suddenly and inexplicably turn into someone you’d invite to your daughter’s baptism.

You have options.

See, In fiction, we do love our damaged superheroes, but as our world is currently non-fiction, we have a surplus of damage and a less-than-optimal amount of superheroes.  What’s up with that?

he·ro

ˈhi(ə)rō

noun
 a person who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities.

This description is in no way exclusive to people with psychopathic tendencies, so please don’t be discouraged if you aren’t as much of a jerk as the heroes I’ve listed in this post.

After all, the world needs more heroes, and far, far fewer dirtbags.