Trailer Breakdown for Doctor Who Season 8

9 Jul

 If you’re on this blog of your own free will, chances are that you’re familiar with BBC’s two recent, feeble attempts at  teasers. Each lasted an exhaustive fifteen seconds, didn’t have a single well-lit shot between them, and they still managed to make me and DW fans everywhere weep with joy and mourning. It’s a true art.

So today I have a treat for you.

Ever since Doctor Who Confidential was canceled, we’ve been deprived of some of that behind-the-scenes action that was so fun to watch after each episode aired. That’s why I am pleased to present to you today, the genuine minutes of the boardroom meetings where these teasers were discussed and digitally edited. It wasn’t easy to get these notes, and bits of them are burnt, so I might be leaving some parts out. Just bear with me.

MB: “We want this look at the Doctor to be memorable. Important. So blow some of that garbage up in the back.”

KW: “Garbage?”

MB: “The TARDIS.” 

dw_3

MB: “Brilliant. Again.” dw_4

RW: “Ken and I had a couple ideas too,”

MB: “Sh. One more time.”

RW: “Okay.”dw_5

MB: “It’s beautiful.”

RW: “Can we put in some talking?”

MB: “Whatever.”

“Clara, be my pal, tell me: am I a good man?” dw_6

“I don’t think I know who the Doctor is anymore.”

KW: “You know, this is not how reflections work. Or eyes.”

RW: “No one asked you.”

MB: “I’m so bored right now. Cut to black.”

dw_7

MB: “Okay kids, now I want the Doctor Who Teaser Mark II to have everything that made the last one great.”

RW: “That’s reasonable. What was that?”

MB: *Turns out lights and sets table on fire*

KW: “Right.” dw2_1

MB: “Okay, everyone, strong beginning. Let’s go stronger.”

dw2_2

MB: “SECONDARY EXPLOSION YES”

RW: “Sir,”

MB: “MORE”dw2_3

MB: “AGAIN BUT WITH LESS LIGHT”

dw2_4

RW: “Sir, we’re all a bit worried about the mental state of the viewers. Any way that we could give them a break?”

MB: “Fine. Give them a shot of that old dude and some of that ‘dialogue’ trash you won’t shut up about.”

KW: “Thank you.” dw2_5

“I see into your soul, Doctor. I see beauty, divinity, hatred!”

KW: “Is it just me or was that line more Captain Jack-esque than Dalek?”

MB: “Okay, you two have had your say.”

RW: “You don’t mean” dw2_6

MB: “HAHA YES BOOOM”

KW: “What! Where are his other organs? This is not how x-rays work!”

MB: “Shut up and give me a close-up of those hearts.” dw2_7

MB: “NOW MAKE THEM EXPLODE”

RW: “SIR NO”dw_7

The last few pages of the transcript are in ashes. I heard Michael Bay was fired from the creative committee some time afterwards.

(Don’t worry about it. It probably gave him more time to work on Titanic.)

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4 Responses to “Trailer Breakdown for Doctor Who Season 8”

  1. Kire July 10, 2014 at 7:21 am #

    This is brilliant, love!

    • Emory July 15, 2014 at 11:58 am #

      thanks for the read, m’lady!

  2. Cassandra Rebecca July 10, 2014 at 12:19 pm #

    Extremely hurtful to Michael Bay.

    Still, and least you managed to divert from the actual feelings of the fandom… (read: THOU DANK, UNDIGESTED, CRYPTIC MASS).

    • Emory July 15, 2014 at 11:57 am #

      Michael Bay is probably a dear and has strengths all his own, and I would maybe only a little insult him.
      And thank you love; it was my intention.

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