Two days ago, the official trailer for Robocop was released. This movie is a remake of the 1987 film (also called Robocop, rated R), the movie that set the standard for cheesy action figure wardrobe designs. The jury is still out on whether this remake movie is a brilliant idea or a terrible one, and you’re welcome to form your own opinion.
As it turns out though, I’ve realized that so far, I’ve only done trailer breakdowns for movies/shows that I’m excited about. That seems rather discriminatory. I’m an equal-opportunities blogger, after all. It’s time to analyze Robocop.
Detroit, Michigan, 2028.
*Sirens*
Fifteen years. Fifteen years, and the world looks nothing like it did in Disney’s Meet the Robinsons. What a disappointment.
Dear people who live in Detroit:
I’m sorry, that was unintentionally insensitive of me.
“We are on the eve of a technological revolution.”
Nick Fury! Okay, I can get behind that.
Robocop: Starring the tech from the Iron Man movies. And Nick Fury from the Iron Man movies. You know what this movie needs? Iron Man from the Iron Man movies.
As Ivan Vanko from Iron Man 2 would say, “Drones better.”
We interrupt this set-up to bring you uneasy happiness.
What a sweet family. I’m glad they’re so happy and safe and secure in their future.
*Car alarm sounds*
Get it under control, man. People are trying to sleep here.
*Car alarm continues*
Don’t open the-
Is this your first car? Listen, just hit the unlock button on your key. It works wonders.
“PKRSSSHHHH”
I’m being very insensitive today. Please excuse me.
“We’re gonna put a man inside a machine.”
What an original idea. I’m sure it couldn’t go wrong.
Hospitals in 2028 get far less efficient in their use of space, apparently.
“He’s suffered fourth-degree burns over 80% of his body…”
“… If he survives, he will be paralyzed from the waist down.”
“You say you can save him; what does that mean? What kind of life will he have?”
*Dramatic musical swelling*
Have I seen this scene before?
Mmm. Okay. Moving on.
“The hell did you do to me?”
Oh, you know, made you into a cyborg. The balding dude behind the desk thought it was a great idea. I don’t know why you’re so upset.
Oh, you like that visor? It’s triggered by murderous thoughts. I thought it was a nice touch.
“Make him more tactical, make him look, uh… Let’s go with black.”
Good call, balding dude. The gray suit was way too frilly. No one would have taken him seriously.
“When the machine fights, the system releases signals into Alex’s brain, making him think he’s in control.”
“It’s the illusion of free will.”
“Oh, well, that seems foolproof.”
My main problem with future-based movies is that every character seems to have never seen a future-based movie.
“I’ve selected thirteen targets all wanted for murder.”
Thirteen? In one crowd?
Detroit goes waaay downhill in the next fifteen years, everyone. Spread the word.
“This is the future of American justice.”
Nick Fury, darling. You’re better than this.
And balder than this.
I hate to be nitpicky (that’s a lie), but I’m of the opinion that no movie with the prefix “robo” should have been allowed to come out after 1999.
“Alex!”
MGM and Columbia Pictures, I believe.
I’m sorry, Robocop, does your suit spontaneously generate weapons?
On an unrelated note, what do I have to do to get my car to blow up?
Can’t we all just get along? I know plenty of perfectly happy cyborgs.
“Somehow, he’s overriding the system’s priorities.”
Again with the whole “I’ve-never-seen-a-movie-before” thing.
Do I see something exploding? How did the movie industry know I liked that?
Something else exploding! Can I pre-order my ticket now?
Coming February 2014
Sorry about that little mix-up there.At least it’s not in 3D.