Tag Archives: Nick Fury

Trailer Breakdown for Captain America: The Winter Soldier

24 Oct

Just this morning, the trailer for Captain America: The Winter Soldier was released to the public. So why don’t we celebrate by psyching ourselves up for a movie not coming out until spring?

Mm. Maybe don’t think about that part. Instead, treat yourself to this beautiful spectacle of a trailer, and then swing back around bask in its glory with me.

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“You doing anything fun Saturday night?”

Why, Natasha Romanoff, are you asking what it really sounds like you’re asking?
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“Well, all the guys in my barber shop quartet are dead, so, no, not really.”

Steve, honey, turn her down with grace, not with overwhelming guilt.ca_4

“You know, if you ask Kristin out from statistics, she’d probably say yes.”

Oh that’s okay then. Setting up the Avenger with the girl in statistics. That’s noble, I suppose.

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“That’s why I don’t ask.”

“Too shy or too scared?”

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“Too busy!”

Good man. You set those priorities.
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You… Wait, can you even do that?
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“Was he wearing a parachute?”

“No…ca_8

… No he wasn’t.”ca_9

But-

You know what? Fine.

But you do remember what happened the last time you dropped from a plane into icy cold water, don’t you?ca_10

(applause for the Marvel sequence)ca_11

“I joined SHIELD to protect people.”ca_12

“Captain. To build a better world sometimes means tearing the old one down…ca_13

{In which the best bros go for a stroll}
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… And that makes enemies.ca_17

Looks like someone took Iron Man’s contemptuous “spangly costume” comment to heart. Steve, normally I would tell you not to listen to your haters, but in this case… you did good.ca_18

Are you ready? For the world to see you as you really are?

“The world” played by Nick Fury,ca_19

Natasha Romanoff,ca_20

and… This dude. Yeah. Welcome aboard, This Dude. ca_22

Look out the window. You know how the game works.ca_23

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Disorder. War.
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Do my eyes deceive me, or is that the Winter Soldier’s mop of hair I see?
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… All it takes is one step.”

Is that This Dude or Nick Fury on the operating table? Either way, looks like

♪ our trio’s down to two. ♪

(Insert sound byte of Pumba saying “Oh”)

[Excuse me while I frantically try to convince you that I still believe in Clintasha, and assert my belief that this is strictly a bromance]

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“We’re gonna neutralize a lot of  threats before they even happen.”

Yeah, that never seriously backfires. Nick Fury, have you ever seen a little movie called Minority Report? I think you should watch it and just know that you’re setting yourself up for some really weird stuff, man.ca_29

“I thought the punishment usually came after the crime.”

“Yeah, well, welcome to 2014, grandpa.” (scoffs)

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I would like to direct your attention to the bloke sitting on the hood of that car on the left. That is all, carry on.ca_32

“SHIELD takes the world as it is, not as we’d like it to be.”ca_33

“This isn’t freedom. This is fear.”

#MURICA

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“You need to keep both eyes open.”

Could you be a little more ambiguous, please?
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*awkward elevator music*ca_b

“Before we get started, does anyone want to get out?”

Good, diplomatic question. It’s important to get everyone’s opinio-

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Come on guys, it was just a question. A “yes” or a “no” will do.
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“Boy. That escalated quickly. I mean, that really got out of hand fast.”ca_41

I can’t really be angry about the long wait, what with my emotionally overwhelming November movie schedule and all.
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Well done, director of this film. I find myself inexplicably wanting to give this scene a hug.
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Less so now. And what happened to your American Ninja Warrior outfit, Steve?
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{In which the best bros share an attack hug}ca_a

Oh, no? Well, that would make more sense.
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As firm as I am in my belief that the Black Widow can probably take care of herself, I must say,

can we please get a slow clap for this fantastic gentleman?
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Oh dear. Hawkeye missed his cue. I like to think he’s off a yard or two out of frame, gesturing for Cap to hand Natasha over.

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THERE IT IS. There’s that sweaty mop of hair we know and love and kind of hate at the same time.ca_48

Okay, according to Fury’s expression, maybe it’s just hate.

Or possibly hair envy.
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Probably hair envy.
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Definitely hair envy.ca_51

But maybe with a little bit of oh-he’s-about-to-blow-my-armored-vehicle-half-way-to-Asgard.
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Yeah, come to think of it, that was probably a factor.
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Ladies and gentlemen, this is how you dramatic.
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Rogers wishes he could dramatic. And also that his best friend and, might I add, only living friend had not been brainwashed into becoming the most theatrical villain this side of Loki.

That’s right. Just think about that for a while, and then, when you’ve finished weeping, come on over and I’ll console you. Maybe make some fondue.ca_56

“Gear up.”

Who are you to give the Captain orders? Who are you at all?

“It’s time.”

Time to find out who this dude is? Yes?ca_57

Yes? ca_58

Yes.
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Welcome to the big screen, Falcon.ca_60 ca_61

Besides the obvious awesome factor, I have the say my favorite thing about the last two images is how Winter Soldier looks like he’s having a grand old time and Captain America looks like he walked onto the wrong movie set.ca_62

the bike is backca_63

The ninja flips are backca_64

the helicarrier isca_65

Oh, that’s a shame.ca_66

Yes, my love, I accept you. I am stupid excited right now. Is it spring yet?
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But man, this is hurting my heart. STEVE I KNOW HE’S EVIL BUT HE’S YOUR FRIENDca_68

NEVERMIND RUNca_69 I’m going to go gorge myself on fondue until it comes out.

Trailer Breakdown for Robocop

7 Sep

Two days ago, the official trailer for Robocop was released. This movie is a remake of the 1987 film (also called Robocop, rated R), the movie that set the standard for cheesy action figure wardrobe designs. The jury is still out on whether this remake movie is a brilliant idea or a terrible one, and you’re welcome to form your own opinion.

As it turns out though, I’ve realized that so far, I’ve only done trailer breakdowns for movies/shows that I’m excited about. That seems rather discriminatory. I’m an equal-opportunities blogger, after all. It’s time to analyze Robocop.

Detroit, Michigan, 2028.

*Sirens*

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Fifteen years. Fifteen years, and the world looks nothing like it did in Disney’s Meet the Robinsons. What a disappointment.robo_2

Dear people who live in Detroit:

Move.
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Bring in the cops?robo_4

I’m sorry, that was unintentionally insensitive of me.robo_5

“This is Detective Alex Murphy, officer down!”robo_6

Ben Affleck Batman.
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“We are on the eve of a technological revolution.”

Nick Fury! Okay, I can get behind that.

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Robocop: Starring the tech from the Iron Man movies. And Nick Fury from the Iron Man movies. You know what this movie needs? Iron Man from the Iron Man movies.
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It never is.
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“We need to get Americans to rally behind this.”robo_11

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As Ivan Vanko from Iron Man 2 would say, “Drones better.”

We interrupt this set-up to bring you uneasy happiness.
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What a sweet family. I’m glad they’re so happy and safe and secure in their future.robo_14

*Car alarm sounds*

Get it under control, man. People are trying to sleep here.robo_15

*Car alarm continues*

Don’t open the-

Is this your first car? Listen, just hit the unlock button on your key. It works wonders.
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“PKRSSSHHHH”

Oh.robo_17

I’m being very insensitive today. Please excuse me.robo_18

“We’re gonna put a man inside a machine.”

What an original idea. I’m sure it couldn’t go wrong.robo_19

Hospitals in 2028 get far less efficient in their use of space, apparently.

“He’s suffered fourth-degree burns over 80% of his body…”

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“… If he survives, he will be paralyzed from the waist down.”

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“You say you can save him; what does that mean? What kind of life will he have?”robo_22

*Dramatic musical swelling*

Have I seen this scene before?

Mmm. Okay. Moving on.

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“The hell did you do to me?”

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Oh, you know, made you into a cyborg. The balding dude behind the desk thought it was a great idea. I don’t know why you’re so upset.robo_25

Oh, you like that visor? It’s triggered by murderous thoughts. I thought it was a nice touch.

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“Make him more tactical, make him look, uh… Let’s go with black.”robo_27

Good call, balding dude. The gray suit was way too frilly. No one would have taken him seriously.

“When the machine fights, the system releases signals into Alex’s brain, making him think he’s in control.”robo_28

“But he’s not.”robo_29

“It’s the illusion of free will.”

“Oh, well, that seems foolproof.”

My main problem with future-based movies is that every character seems to have never seen a future-based movie.
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“I’ve selected thirteen targets all wanted for murder.”

Thirteen? In one crowd?

Detroit goes waaay downhill in the next fifteen years, everyone. Spread the word.
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“This is the future of American justice.”

Nick Fury, darling. You’re better than this.

And balder than this.

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Go go gadget heat vision!robo_33

I hate to be nitpicky (that’s a lie), but I’m of the opinion that no movie with the prefix “robo” should have been allowed to come out after 1999.robo_34

“Alex!”

Stop in the name of loooverobo_35

“You need to speak to your son.”robo_36

“Anything for justice, Ma’am.”robo_37

MGM and Columbia Pictures, I believe.
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I’m sorry, Robocop, does your suit spontaneously generate weapons?

On an unrelated note, what do I have to do to get my car to blow up? robo_39

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Can’t we all just get along? I know plenty of perfectly happy cyborgs.

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“Somehow, he’s overriding the system’s priorities.”

Again with the whole “I’ve-never-seen-a-movie-before” thing.

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Do I see something exploding? How did the movie industry know I liked that?

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Something else exploding! Can I pre-order my ticket now?

Coming February 2014
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Oh wait, that’s not right.
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Sorry about that little mix-up there.robo_45At least it’s not in 3D.