DIY Denial (You Don’t Need SDCC)

Look at you.

You’re on the internet during the San Diego Comic-Con week.

Hey, me too. I feel you. We’re on the outside, peeking in through the proverbial window. Think of all the people right now, sweating out of their larger-than-life cosplays and screaming to each other about that teaser that they just saw that you will not see for nine more months. Think of them and let that tear slide down your cheek.

Pull yourself together. You know what you need? A diversion.

As a life-long expert on the topic of  hijacking conversations, changing subjects, and general denial, I’ve come today to try to distract you. To help you get your mind off those pesky voices whispering, “people have been able to touch Chris Evans today,” and “Hundreds of people are within earshot of Cecil Baldwin right now” while you’re trying to get work done.

(This is only treating a symptom, of course. You should probably seek professional advice about those voices.)

I recommend some form of working with your hands. An especially easy paper craft would be downloading and printing out some of the adorable free printable mascots over at Digitprop. I’ll walk you through it.

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Supplies needed:

• Anguish
• Scissors
• Glue or tape
• Printable

Step One: Start by cutting around the little man. Only cut on the bold lines, the dotted lines are to be folded.

Step Two: Stick indicated sides together to make the shape of the man. Tape, glue, or really, any mild adhesive will do. I actually used an envelope sealer because I have so undeniably hit rock bottom. But we’re not here to talk about that. We’re here specifically to not talk about that.

Optional Step: If needed, intensify folding by singing death metal to drown out the sound of cheering coming from the general direction of San Diego.Step Three: Admire your new mascot. Well done! You were almost productive today! Try not to notice that your little paper friend looks like an adipose. Try even harder not to notice that he has a bowtie, much like a whole different type of alien whom you’ll never get to see at a Comic-Con again.

Step Four: Give up. Print out the blank printable instead, to create a parchment pal who won’t loaf around on your desk looking like a cheap piece of Comic-Con merch.Step Five: Cut out new blank printable.

Step Six: Decide who you would like to be your new mascot and draw their likeness on your beautiful blank canvas. Be creative! Maybe create a new person altogether, someone with his or her own hopes and dreams. Someone unique, like you.

Step Seven: Did you just make the Vision?

You’re hopeless.

Step Eight: Weep.

 

Step Nine: Give him a cape.

(And don’t forget to check out the Vision in all his glory on the new Avengers: Age of Ultron poster.)

The Daredevil Dark Knight

In every season of BBC’s Doctor who, there are a few monsters who are, put mildly, no one’s favorite. Among them are the face-absorbing Jabba-the-Hut guy, the green nudists with flatulence issues, and the pig slaves. Yes, pig slaves. 

Don’t ask.

In my case, these, and a couple of the other aliens, were viewed and then subsequently pushed into the dark corner of my brain that never sees the light of day. However, I recently received news that brought one of them out to the front of my mind.

Anybody remember this guy?

This is a Reaper. Reapers exist out of time, and when there is a disturbance in time, like a paradox, a Reaper may appear and try to fix the time disturbance by attacking and eating every living thing in sight.

And it looks like a pokemon. But we’re not going there.

Why am I reminded of this particular monster today? Some of the biggest news to come out of this year’s San Diego Comic-Con was the Batman/Superman team-up movie. Henry Cavill, who played Superman in the recently-released Man of Steel, has been cast as Superman in this film. However, it is common knowledge that Christian Bale, the only Batman that everyone can agree on, is not interested in playing the caped crusader again. Zack Snyder, the movie’s director, would have to cast someone to play Christian Bale playing Batman.

This brings us to now. Ladies and gentlemen, Snyder has announced that Ben Affleck (Also known as Marvel’s Daredevil) will be playing Christian Bale Batman. And not just Batman – a new Batman. A reboot Batman. A re-invented Batman for the generation that has already seen a re-invented Batman.

And just like that, the DC cinematic timeline fumbled around ungracefully and fell over with a thud.

And then the Reapers came and devoured every living thing in sight.

Now, I know that this sounds like a complaint, but I’m not complaining. In fact, I am delighted.

Do you guys realize what this means?

DC’s timeline is finally almost as screwed up as Marvel’s! The myriad inconsistencies in the X-Men films (she said, tip-toeing around the Spider-man issue) still outweigh this little double-Dark Knight debacle, but I’m sure this is just the beginning. No franchise is truly safe.

But anyway, I think Ben Affleck is a good actor and will play a superb Batman (even if he doesn’t turn out to be the “the only Batman that everyone can agree on”). I just hope he, Superman, and all the DC fanboys and girls will be able to hold their own against the Reapers: winged, paradox-consuming abominations of the CGI industry.

I mean, last time, it took a Time Lord.

Ain’t No Party Like Comic-Con

A little while back, I was mindlessly scrolling through tumblr, when I stumbled upon a strange image.

It was a young man with a bar stool on his head. In one hand, he held a whisk, and in the other, a plunger.

The caption read “My cosplay.”

You know how he looks to normal people?

Crazy.

This dude looks stark raving mad.

But to those of us in the know – well, he still looks stark raving mad, but we know he’s dressing up as the Doctor’s most hated enemy, the Dalek. (Daleks have no concept of elegance)

Now picture this type of person, fully insane and loving it, and multiply it by (give or take) 130,000. Just for kicks, give them all money to burn and take away any semblance of will power they thought they had. Got it? Good. Now put all of them in the same convention center in a little town called San Diego. Hello, Comic-Con.

The 2013 San Diego Comic-Con ended last Sunday after four days of fangirls and fanboys cosplaying, trailer-watching, panel-visiting, line-standing, and a gloriously unhealthy amount of screaming. I did not attend, but I was as present as I could be without utilizing money and gas to be “there” in the physical sense. From my remote location, I learned a few things about this year’s SDCC.

• At the X-Men: Days of Future Past panel, attendees asked all the right questions: “With the expanding Marvel universe… Is Deadpool possible?”
• … And got all the wrong answers: “Anything’s possible.“

So… no? Just say no. Stop allowing my hopes to exist.

• The new Catching Fire trailer aired and was released to the public. Watch it over and over here.

There would have been a Catching Fire trailer breakdown post, but there’s already been one trailer released, and as my breakdown dialogue would have been made up of all-caps declarations of love for this film and its characters, it would have gotten real weird real fast. And my posts are never weird.

• The Doctor Who 50th Anniversary trailer was shown exclusively to the comic-con audience.
• Said trailer was then denied internet release for a few weeks. Or months. 

Remember, these are the same people who still haven’t given you season three of Sherlock.

• Season four of Sherlock was confirmed. 

Cool, guys. I’ll just pencil that in for 2021.

• Loki of Asgard gate-crashed the Thor: The Dark World panel and raised his army from a seemingly innocent crowd of by-standers.

And every Hiddlestoner there died instantaneously. I’m only kind of exaggerating. Watch the way-too-easy take-over here.

• The title of Avengers 2 was made public. The year 2015 will see the release of The Avengers: Age of Ultron.

I know what you’re thinking. And by that, I mean, “I know what I was thinking.”

“Yes! Finally, an intro for Henry Pym (Ant-Man/Giant Man/Goliath/Yellowjacket/The dude who created Ultron) and Janet Van Dyne (Wasp), who, by the way, should have shown up a while ago, but who cares? No one can leave them out of the story now!”

• Joss Whedon confirmed that Henry Pym would not be part of Ultron’s origin story.

Not cool.

These are just a few highlights from the biggest nerd party in the country. I didn’t attend, and maybe you didn’t either. That’s fine! It’s nothing to be ashamed of, and hey, you can get most of the details on the internet anyway.

We didn’t make it this time. That’s okay.

But let’s not make it a habit.

See you next year, fanpeople.

My People

Several weeks ago at dinnertime, my sister Jennifer and I were talking about how badly we wanted to attend the San Diego Comic-Con. As our discussion grew more heated and our voices more maniacal, my daddy interrupted us – “Girls, I went to a comic convention once.”

“Did you?”

“Yes. Once.” He laughed. “Those are not our people.”

Jennifer and I turned and shared a look.

Oh, but Daddy,” I sighed, leaning in to give him the bad news, “those are our people.”

My people.

Fangirls cannot exist by themselves. We are not lone wolves. Many of us are introverts, and therefore not exactly pack animals, but alone, we wilt. If I didn’t have my Fangirl friends to support me, I would keep every well-placed Disney quote to myself, and I would never be able to squeal without shame over Mr. Darcy’s face. I would not know the pleasure of being able to share a knowing look with a companion when someone said the word “spoilers” and I would certainly never be able to yell “You’re such an idiot! You’ve been Loki’d again! LOKI’D!” in someone’s face without being carried away by security guards.

This is one of the reasons that my friends are the best friends. They not only put up with me, they go along with me.

My Canby friend told me that when she got a car, she would name the keys “Heimdall” and her car “Bifrost” so that when she went to unlock her car, she could yell (think Thor), “Heimdall, open the Bifrost!”

Phoenix (Yes, I nicknamed my friends with superhero identities. Don’t judge) dressed up as Amy Pond for Halloween, and I dressed as River Song.

Invisible Woman and Wasp sang “Dramatic Song” with me at the top of our lungs (in public) with no shame and all splendor. One of my favorite moments this year.

Kuuipo has the honor of being the first to tell me about the Weeping Angels of Doctor Who, and the first to warn me to never watch them alone. I did, by the way. At night, no less, in a room with bad lights that kept blinking. (Incidentally, when my friend Aydray allowed me to force Doctor Who upon her, her first Weeping Angel experience ended up also being in a dark room at night. Atmosphere is everything, Love.)

I could go on [forever], but I don’t want you all to get massively jealous. Many of you are my people too, after all, and I love you guys. And I love my friends. Yes, of course, even the ones that aren’t Fangirls. Love. That’s why it’s so unfortunate that I don’t let them know how smashing they are more often.

I find, and I don’t think I’m the only one that does, that it’s pretty darn easy to take friends for granted. They’ve been with me through so much, that I tend to think that they have no choice but to go on that way – but they do. The fact that they haven’t abandoned me yet is cause for celebration in itself. The friends who I have not kept as well, I miss, but the ones I have? It is harder to remember to cherish them.

If anyone doesn’t consider themselves a nerd and yet is still reading my blog (my my, how brave of you!), I they as well know what I’m talking about. This is not a problem exclusive to me, nor to nerds. Even if you don’t have conversations with friends that consist mainly of pop culture references, you still have friends that are precious. So let them know! Write a letter (handwritten – don’t cheat) or meet for tea or plan a Marvel Movie Marathon day.

…

Okay, so that one is a bit more exclusive to nerds again, but hey, work with me here. I was totally normal for about five seconds. Small victories!

That said, I have to go write a letter.

Have a sparkling day!