The Clock is Striking Twelve

I always warn you before spoilers, don’t I?

Well, if you haven’t seen Doctor Who season 8 episode 1, I have only one two things to say to you:

1.  WHAT WHY NOT
2.  Well, don’t come back until you do.

Last Saturday night, I sat in a dark room full of Whovians; the kind who get so excited that no one really cares that they’re slowly turning the back room of a Japanese novelty shop into a sauna.

It began with a girl dressed as a steampunk Dalek standing up to announce that the episode was beginning, and once it did, there would be no mercy on commentators. There was a murmur of assent from the viewers. The episode commenced. Not a peep was heard for over an hour, save the odd hushed “Awwww” or “ohmygoshohmygosh.”

It was glorious.

For many of you, I do not have to tell what happened in the episode.

Seeing it through strictly unfeeling eyes, it was the usual:

• Doctor offends people
• Clara stamps her foot
• SUBTEXT SUBTEXT
• Viewers are scared
• Characters are scared and then die
• Doctor voices some variant of “He/She/It was scared”
• SUUUBTEEEXT
• Hands are held
• Hugs are had
• Chips are consumed

But of course there was the one prominent difference:

The new Doctor.

This dork.

Look at him

Really look

Let me explain: Eleven was my Doctor. Under such circumstances, I thought it was going to take more than a shouty “I’M NOT FLIRTING BY THE WAY” directed at a rampaging dinosaur to win me over.

The Doctor wears his new face well. And hey, as far as the rest of you go, I understand (in theory) if he hasn’t grown on you yet. But just

Look at him.

No, I suppose that’s not what I mean. Don’t just look. The Doctor said it himself. See.

That moment killed me. In fact, I am actually writing to you at this moment from the mysterious fountain garden on the other side.

I’ve wanted to hug a lot of fictional characters before, but this moment must have topped the list. So of course they had to stab at that particular ventricle of my heart.

“I don’t think I’m a hugging person now.”

*Collective scoff from fandom*

But in any case, I didn’t come here to gush over the Twelfth Doctor.

While I did indeed come here to gush over the Twelfth Doctor, there are other Doctorial things to be addressed. Such as?

• SKIN BALLOON wHAT 
• How one little blow-torch droid set fire to an entire dinosaur
• The frankly alarming number of space ships skipping around replacing machinery with human remains (I had no idea this was such an epidemic)
• The umbrella woman in the weird afterlife fountain garden

Oh come on, what else am I supposed to call her?

Mediocre Fact: I actually had to Google “deep breath umbrella woman” to get anything like what I was looking for. I got a lot of weird artwork and one heroic bit of information that told me that the umbrella woman is actually called Missy.

The “Gatekeeper.”

Cool! If anything, I know less than I knew before.

I feed off of your speculation and inside knowledge; please, let me have it. I would absolutely love to discuss this episode with you. I mean, there it was after all, the excellent first episode of what looks to be a very promising season.

So, what do you think?

 

Changing of the Seasons

Everyone loves fall. It’s comfortable, fuzzy, and just the right amount of predictable.

There’s always warm drinks being served, long pants are embraced, and every conversation for the next three months will yield at least one confession of “you know, maybe I’m crazy, but I actually think I like fall most. Is that just me?”

(We’ve all been that person. Next time someone says it to you, resist the urge to slap them with a scented pine cone and instead just give them a quizzical look. )

I mean, just look at this awesome setup we have going for this magnificent new season! I’ve tweaked it with just enough regular things to be slipped into a conversation or a cutesy illustrated list of “fave fall things”

• Pumpkin pie-flavored everything
• Changing colors on the trees
• Doctor Who materializes August 23rd. Agents of SHIELD hits back on September 23rd, and its queen Agent Carter will show her face during a mid-season SHIELD hiatus. Once Upon a Time is back September 28th. Gravity Falls races on from its original Season 2 premiere this September 8th. Arrow is coming October 8th and the CW’s Flash premieres just before then (appropriately enough) on the 7th. Sherlock is a joke.
• Hot chocolate
• Extra blankets on the bed

Ahh, yes.

Don’t ever underestimate the glory of new seasons.

And yeah, I’m only half-talking about the seasons of the year.

Summer is unofficially the season of weird TV movies you wish you’d never heard about.

There’s other things to do during the summer, I get it. That’s not the problem. Summer is absolutely the time to get outside, go camping, picnicking, whatever – to enjoy the weather, of course. But summer also allows for that one precious commodity that people with school crave the most.

Time free from responsibilities.

The best.

With such long-sought free time, it’s not unusual to turn to television to unwind.

And in turn, it’s not unusual for summer television to respond,

“Do you want a Hallmark movie about memory loss, or a comedy about unhappy married couples yelling at each other’s in-laws?” *badly-timed laugh track rolls*

Yes my friends, the time has come for us to exit this particularly uncomfortable waiting room.

Feels good, like a cool breeze.

You know, fall is probably my favorite. Is that just me?

[Proper] Trailer Breakdown for Doctor Who Season 8

 Off the heels of the last two skimpy DW teasers, the good people of the BBC have gifted us with an official full-length trailer for Doctor Who’s eighth season, and it features not only the explosions that you loved so much from the earlier teasers, but actual shots. From the show. In good lighting. 

I think I should not be this excited but I’ve still been waiting for this moment for months. So let’s begin, shall we?

I love that opening. It’s deliciously vague. What’s this going to be a trailer for? Sherlock? Copper? A history program and/or short summary of the Revolutionary War? Who knows

You would think that somewhere along the last three regenerations, the Doctor might have thought, “Hey – I’m literally seconds from blowing up into a freaking volcano of regeneration energy. Maybe I should keep the TARDIS in park. Just until I’m not disoriented and/or screaming in agony.”

Boy needs a designated driver.

No, not you. (Who calls a time machine a cow?)

“Life returns.”

Coming from a species who routinely dies out every ten minutes, I’m inclined to believe it.

“I don’t think I know who the Doctor is anymore.”

Coming from the girl who has seen (and saved) every version of the Doctor? Coming from the girl who had a personal adventure with three different versions of this guy simultaneously? Don’t get me wrong, heavy grief over the loss of Eleven forced me to eat the better part of a jar of nutella, but if anyone can be graceful in the face of regeneration, it should be Clara.

“Life prevails.”

Then again, as I am experiencing physical pain watching Twelve not double over and put his full weight on the rails like Eleven used to, maybe I shouldn’t judge Clara for this one.

“I’m the Doctor.

(He repeated, as his self-confidence tapes told him to.)

And to think, just eight years ago, we gave Christopher Eccleston half a store mannequin arm, told him to strangle himself with it, and called it good.

What a time to be alive.

“I’ve lived for over 2000 years.

(You know, since back when that mannequin arm move was movie magic)

 “Yours is bigger than mine.”

“… Let’s not go there.”

Classic companion shot. But ah, lest we forget, we’re taking on another young grasshopper this season!

So what do we know about Danny so far?

… If my calculations are correct, that he’ll fit in just fine.

“I’ve made many mistakes.

“It’s about time that I did something about that.”

I like your snappy little suit. But, hey, you’re talking about the bowtie, aren’t you? I resent that, sir.

“Where are we going?”

“Into darkness.”

What was that Doctor? Did you say the TELEVISION CROSSOVER MANKIND HAS ONLY DREAMT OF

COS THAT’S WHAT I HEARD

“Here we go again.”

Welcome back Madame Vastra and Strax! Never once, watching your first episodes so many years ago, did I think you would make trying to convince people to watch this show so much more complicated and weird. Thank you?

#ButFirstLetMeTakeASelfie

(Don’t worry, I kind of hate myself for making that reference)

All right, let’s get real for a moment. Life’s treating you hard, isn’t it? Sometimes you wonder if it’s all worth it? You’re looking for some ray of hope, some glimmer of joy in this dark world.

Well, BBC is here to say: you’re welcome.

Go on, squeal. You know you want to. And frankly, I feel kind of lonely sitting here squealing by myself.

And don’t worry, to keep those joyful expectations  in check, the BBC has thrown a little bitterness and destruction in there. Just for you.

And… robot crusaders? I’m down.

“The British are coming!”

I’m not joking give me a Revolutionary War episode it would be so cool

I know it’s probably too much to hope for, judging by Clara’s very much not ancient Roman attire, but all I want is for her to be talking to a member of the Sibylline Sisterhood from “Fires of Pompeii” here. Obvious bonus points if it’s Karen Gillan.

And, if you look closely, you can see the Doctor Who producers collectively denying the rainbow-skittle-makeover the Daleks got early in season five. I don’t think anyone minds.

And of course, Sexy hasn’t changed. Still begrudgingly going along with the whims of a man who consistently brings home strays and drives her mid-regeneration. That’s love for you.

“Clara tell me: am I a good man?”

Tune in for Doctor Who this August to see the Doctor  played by a moody teenager having an existential crisis!

“I… don’t know.”

And don’t miss Clara, played by his mom, who wonders where this new attitude is coming from.

And by the by, I would never diss Nine’s mannequin arm scene. That was classic.

Trailer Breakdown for Guardians of the Galaxy

Welcome, family, friends, and fangirls/boys.

Coming up on the horizon is a new Marvel movie, and a pretty bold one, considering that it introduces five new characters to the cinematic universe that it has never seen before. So, as would be expected, there’s a fair amount of introduction footage in this preview, as opposed to other Avengers trailers, which basically just have to say, “Loki is in this one, give us your  money.”

The official teaser was released yesterday morning, an exhaustive nineteen seconds, six of which were dedicated to title sequences. This special-effects-flavored snack held us over until supper, and now? Join me in welcoming, analyzing, over-analyzing, and going on rabbit trails that ultimately have nothing to do with the full trailer for Guardians of the Galaxy.

The  noble silhouette – always a fine way to introduce a hero.

Or, you know, this guy.

Well done, Peter Quill. You’ve unlocked the badge “Discount Indiana Jones!”

“Drop it! Now!”

“It belongs in a museum!”

“Yeah! Hey, cool man, no problem. No problem! At! All!”

It takes a big man to admit he’s been beat.

Or, you know, this guy.

“Who are you?”*

*The question every wannabe superhero dreams of being asked**

**Trust me, I know

“Starlord.”

“Who?”

“Starlord, man! Legendary outlaw?”

Face it, honey, you’re no Harriet Jones, Prime Minister.

“Forget it.”

A for effort and delivery. It’s what’s inside that counts.

*angel chorus that always accompanies Marvel sequence*

*I’m not the only person that hears that, right?*

“We arrested these five on Xandar, check out the rap sheets.”

Good. Thank you. Jotunheim and Svartalfheim weren’t hard enough to say.

“Drax, AKA the Destroyer. Since his wife and family were killed, he’s been on a rampage across the galaxy in a search for vengeance.”

Everybody – Drax: Abridged Version

“Gamora! Soldier, assassin. Wanted on over a dozen counts of murder.”

– And here as a constant, green remind that yes, we are in space.

“Rocket – wanted on over fifty charges of vehicular theft and escape from lockdown.”

Here as proof that Marvel can do anything it darn well pleases.

“What the hell -“

“Groot. Been traveling recently as Rocket’s personal houseplant/muscle.”

Here as more proof.

“Peter Jason Quill. He’s also known as Starlord?”

“Who calls him that?”

“Himself, mostly. He’s wanted largely on charges of minor assault, public intoxication, and fraud.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know how this machine worked.”

Stay classy, San Diego.

Oh summer. I remember that.

*shakes fist at polar vortex* Curse you, Elsa.

Mm, the “Abbey Road” of movie posters. I can already see it on pinterest, faded out with some inspirational quote from the movie on it. 30 repins, 27 likes. 2 comments from trolls who hated the movie.

*Hooked on a Feeling by Blue Swede plays*

“Hey hey hey!

Robin Thicke? Are we not safe from you even here?

“That’s mine.”

*song continues playing*

“Son of a – hey! Take those headphones off right now!”

Yes. Fear the handcuffed man. He’ll bite your legs off.

*Blood-curdling yell blends with swelling music*

And now, a brief interlude from dialogue while we remind you about all the characters you think you may have imagined –

A big welcome to Rocket and Groot in a shot you never thought you’d see on the big screen,

introducing MouseRat (Any Parks and Rec fans in the audience today?) as the obligatory half-naked man,

U.S.S. Enterprise’s Uhura as the obligatory completely-naked woman,

aaand this plume of fire and smoke as the obligatory explosion. Huzzah!

But I know what you guys are thinking. You heard that Karen Gillan, the actor who portrays our beloved Amy Pond, was going to be in the movie. Yeah, Amelia, you say. Little Scottish girl. Where is she? I promised her five minutes, but the engines were phasing. I suppose I must have gone a bit far. Has something happened to her? 

… Amelia Pond hasn’t lived here in a long time.

I know, Drax. It hurts me too. I wanted to see Amy again, but not like this… never like this.

Ooh, do we get another explosion?

Yes, TV understands us.

But seriously, three cheers for Karen Gillan. She makes bad look so good. (Megamind reference not a coincidence – bald, blue minds do think alike)

Oh, I left out one of the most important introductions: Zoolander‘s Mugatu as Del Toro, or that-guy-none-of-us-trusted-with-the-aether-at-the-end-of-Thor:The Dark World. Seriously, who chose to give the aether to this dude? Who was in charge of this decision?

What’s that? You forgot the characters again? Have no fear, Marvel has prepared for this moment. Half-second montage – go!

Snacks Destroyer

Roots, The Sonic Screwdriver’s Worst Nightmare

Marvel Does What It Wants

And Starlord.

“They call themselves ‘The Guardians of the Galaxy.'”

(You’re hardly one to scoff, Mr. Wreck-it-Ralph)

“… What a bunch of A-holes.”

IIIIII’M HOOKED ON A FEELING I’M HIGH ON BELIEVING(Said in an attempted dead-pan voice as I jump up and down and clap like a seal) This movie looks pretty good.

If Marvel does right by itself, this movie is going to have countless tie-ins with Avengers: Age of Ultron. So you’ll want to watch it for that. Maybe there are a couple of other reasons. And who knows? It might be just as spectacular as it seems.

Summer has way too many reasons to be here right now.

“It’s a Three-[Episode] Problem.”

Today in America, Sherlock season three, episode two, airs officially for the first time.

Today in the UK, or for everyone who has successfully tricked their computers into thinking it is the UK, it’s just another day in the new age of Sherlock hiatus.

Nine episodes from 2010 to 2014…

And welcome back to the waiting room, everybody.

Anyhow, due to the unpredictable nature of the internet and its inhabitants, if you have not properly watched the whole series yet, chances are you’ve at least had some element of it spoiled for you.

If you have not, simply continue reading and I promise that you will.

(That was a warning to the spoiler-shy. Be gone with you.)

I’m not trying to run a review blog here (for lots of reasons), but I need to talk about these episodes. I can’t not talk about these episodes. However, after several years of knowing myself, I’m aware that my tendency to wax eloquent (some pretty words for “never shut up until banned from all forms communication”) will force any conversation of mine about Sherlock into the space of novels, rather than chapters.

To be fair, there’s just too much to talk about – the Moriarty-Mind-Asylum, Sherlock’s even-more-of-a-jerk-than-usual bit, Molly’s serious over-correction after getting over Sherlock (meat dagger?), Mycroft’s unrealistic weight loss expectations…

Anyway, to take it all down a bit for post form, I’ve decided to condense each Sherlock season three episode into a study on one sentence, then two, then three.

Because that’s how many episodes there are.

Just three.

(weeps quietly)

The Empty Hearse:

• So we actually never find out how he did it?

Fine, we got the most credible solution at the end – but not from the mouth of Sherlock so much as from the Sherlock-flavored mind of a severely cray-cray Anderson. Rude. I think Sherlock, of all people, would be able to disregard John’s little “I don’t care how you did it” speech (speak for yourself) and tell him anyway.

No artist can resist signing his work.

The Sign of Three:

• Choosing Sherlock as the best man is simultaneously the best and worst decision John has ever made.

I would pay good money to have someone (Sherlock) flip over the reception table mid-speech, go “Let’s play MURDER,” and then proceed to solve the crime of the uncomfortably tight mandated belts.

It’s also worth mentioning that this episode made me irrationally afraid of ever wearing my own belts ever again.

• TELL ME ABOUT THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM.

I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THIS MORE THAN I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT BUDAPEST, FOR GOODNESS’ SAKE

His Last Vow:

• Magnussen made me want to sanitize everything I own.

Fantastic villain.

And by fantastic, I mean, utterly disgusting. However, a good friend of mine did critique the episode by saying she felt like she didn’t hate Magnussen enough.

I pretended to understand.

I don’t understand.

(And yes, I really should have that on a t-shirt)

• Oh sweet mother of pearl, Mary Watson, what the heck.

Surprise, everyone. I know that a lot of us were suspicious when Sherlock deduced her to be a liar in episode 1 (along with a number of other things identified by the Sherlock-vision floating deductions), but I definitely saw no words reading “crazy-pants assassin” flying around her pretty face.

• And in answer to the episode’s final question,

I present to you a short text-message exchange between a friend and I.

Trailer Breakdown for The Time of the Doctor

Today, it is one week until Christmas.

Today, a Doctor Who Christmas special trailer was released.

What better way to celebrate the holiday season than with a bit of analysis, joy, and slight bitter grieving?

*Christmas music begins*
“Hello, the TARDIS!”

Is that snow? Is it finally safe to infer that that is actual confirmed snow and not an evil monster or ash from a burning spaceship?

I’m going to say yes.

While I’m making safe assumptions, I’m also going to go ahead and assume that this is from another planet, because, what?

“Hello the Oswalds!

Merry Christmas!”

Looking for reasons to add this episode to your Christmas-TV watch list? How about that is is starring this golden face by Possibly-Clara’s-Dad (or Possibly-Someone-Else)?

If this is after the scene shown in the BBC Christmas teaser where Clara introduces the lovely Eleven as her boyfriend, then I think I can understand the expression. 

I had one quite like it on myself.

“I hope you made a wish.”

Thank you adorable grandmother, for saying the presumably important, foreshadowy thing that would have sounded even weirder if it came from anyone else.

Is it just me, or do their expressions sum up their relationship?

“Is that a new body?”

Only on Doctor Who.

^The above comment applies to both the question and the eyeliner choice^

“This old thing, please, I’ve been rocking it for centuries.”

Hahaha, oh Doctor, how cute. What could ruin this happy moment?

Oh.

OH.

OH SWEET MOTHER OF PEARL

WAIT IS THIS REALLY NECESSARY NO NO IT IS NOT

In this shot we hear Clara, showing off her Amy Pond:

“What are you? Why do I keep forgetting you?”

Oh, honey.

By the way, that shot shows an awful lot of swagger for a man with some of his greatest enemies strolling behind him. I shan’t get my hopes up, but if that’s the Cyber-Planner back from the dead, I will forgive the BBC for everything they’ve ever done to me.

“The Time Lord has entered the trap.”

“If you’re smart, if you have any plans about seeing tomorrow, there’s one thing you never, ever put in a trap.”

“You will die in silence, Doctor!”

What, again? wait

Are you telling me that this episode is still running on fuel it got from season five?

*slow clap*

“Clara, step away from it!”

Really, really good advice, usually. Shall we see if Clara takes it?

Surprise, surprise.

“YOLO”

Oh please, now I have to be scared of Weeping-Angels-hidden-in-the-snow? Am I not already afraid of weeping angels, snow-that’s-probably-ash, and snowmen separately? This is starting to seem a little extreme.

::Gratuitous TARDIS action shot::

“Everything ends, Clara. Sooner than you think.”

Or else nothing would ever get started? Still, it’s Christmastime. What happened to that “happy crying” we had a couple years back?

Aaaand there’s your answer. Curse you Silence[exceptnotreallybecauseImissedyou].

New screwdriver? Timey-wimey thing? A machine that goes ‘ding’?

How about a totally out-of-context toy dog? Yeah, BBC knows what you want.

Clara: “Change the future.”

Doctor: “I can’t.”

Clara, you’re not going not let him off that easy, are you?

*Audible gasps heard around the world*

YES. Yes, please. You have no idea how long I’ve waited for a proper explanation and backstory for this scene from season six. Unless your idea is “since season six,” in which case, yeah, you got it. That wasn’t a very hard guessing game.

Yeah, Oncoming Storm, you go. You assemble a cabinet at them. 

“The Time War will begin anew.

What, um NO that is SO not Emma Approved.

Run, you clever girl. And isn’t it time the Doctor said that? If he says it in this episode, I will be requiring a high-five. And probably tissues, but let’s not get into that quite yet.

The siege of Trenzalore is now begun.

*Manages to growl and cry simultaneously*

Oh, Daleks exploding, good. That’s something I can get behind.

This world will burn.”

#Judging You

“GURL. You need to burn that makeup.”

I can’t get over how well-done this episode looks. By the by, have you ever felt a sort of overwhelming dread and denial accompanied by unbounded enthusiasm and excitement?

… I’m, um, asking for a friend.

Trailer Breakdown for Sherlock Season 3

Yesterday, the illustrious British Broadcasting Corporation released the first proper official Sherlock season 3 trailer that wasn’t two and a half seconds long, and the internet rejoiced at the good nature of the gift-giver. But if that was not enough (and it never really is), BBC decided to grace us with a series of clips as well, exclusive clips all making up the “interactive trailer” that BBC thought we deserved after two years.

And the BBC saw that it was good.

I think you will too.

It’s like some sort of disclaimer.

“You may suffer from emotional trauma as a result of the following programme and/or as a result of its hiatus.”

“SHERLOCK!”

Like this guy, for example.

“I don’t care how you faked it,

Really, mournstache John? You’re not even a little bit curious?

I want to know why.”

Yeah, um no, Sherlock, John does not speak for all of us. We want to know how, and hey, it having been two years and all, we want to know pronto. ASAP. LOL.

“The one person he thought didn’t matter at all to me turned out to be the person that mattered the most.”

Molly? Are you talking about Molly? I always feel so informed after I speak to you.

Three cheers for the Molly smirk none of us have seen yet. 

#Not Your Housekeeper

Good heavens, unwanted facial hair for everyone. Mourning does strange things to people.

“I pick-pocket him when he’s annoying.”

It all looks so official until you start to think that chair in front of the desk looks like a poolside recliner.

In the trailer, this shot lasts about seven years, so for the full breakdown effect, you may want to stop scrolling until 2020 (you’ll have at least one more season of Sherlock by that time too – win-win).

“I think I’ll surprise John.

Go down to Baker Street, who knows, jump out of a cake.”

And the entire Sherlock fan art community said in unison, “ON IT.”

“Baker Street? He  isn’t there anymore. It’s been two years. He’s got on with his life.”

“What life? I’ve been away.”

Oh right. There’s the Sherlock we all know and feel a little bit bad about loving.

*Screaming*

*Like really a lot of very close-shot screaming*

I’m not really sure if this is the response of Mrs. Hudson to seeing Sherlock again, or a portrait of the fandom’s response to seeing Sherlock again.

Eye. Because reasons.

Ah, well, of course. No Holmes adaption would really be accepted if it had no magnifying glass featured.

You can’t giggle, it’s a crime scene.

Mycroft:

“The terror alert has been raised to critical.”

Mary Morstan responds to terror by riding around town with her husband’s dead best friend.

Because he doesn’t have weird facial hair.

“Welcome to my world.”

“An attack is coming.”

In the form of a subway? There it is again, fictional characters and subways. *sulks*

So far, Sherlock season 3 promises to be full of obligatory close-ups of Cumberbatch cheekbones.

“I need to get to know London again. Breathe it in.
Every quiver of its beating heart.”

And now, the weather.

Sherlock, Season 3. It’s so close you can smell it.

And all 243 types of its tobacco ash.

On Catching Up

Hello dearies,

This post comes to you in five parts: Once Upon a Time, Emma Approved, Agents of SHIELD, Cabin Pressure, and January. (Yes, the month)

As of late, I have been catching up with a couple things and before you is my collective review of them. I’m sorry not sorry.

Once Upon a Time and I have recently reconnected after our squabble last season. Maybe it’s the thrill of being together again, maybe it’s improved, or maybe I just needed some time to myself, but it’s like we were never apart. He still has those annoying little habits, like relating backstory for days, and presenting cringe-worthy CGI, but if I can’t handle him at his worst, than I don’t deserve him at his best.

Don’t worry, even I find that last paragraph embarrassing.

No, but seriously, I’m quite enjoying the show now, between our lovely new villain (Peter Pan) and a delightful twist on our lovely old one (Captain Hook).

However, I admit that seeing my baby Tinkerbell dressed like a 90’s pop star wigged me out a bit.

But what can you do?

Emma Approved started a couple of weeks ago, but it’s still rather young as far as a webseries goes, so I’ll bring it up as well. I am loving it. It has been brought to us by the magical unicorns who brought us Lizzie Bennet Diaries, so there’s something to be happy about right there. In case you haven’t been informed, Emma Approved is a modern-day adaption of one of Jane Austen’s classics, Emma. I have not read this one, but I am planning to, and I have seen the Gwyneth Paltrow adaption and Clueless, so I have a pretty good grasp on what is going to happen.

The casting for this show makes me smile. Emma is perfect (perfect as only Emma can be – see also: adorable bossy steamroller), Harriet is perfect, and Mr. Knightly is perfect. (if you read those last four words with a certain emphasis, then you’re not reading it wrong.)

And I must say, I do love the relationship between Emma and Knightly at the  moment.

Sum it up in a gif? If you insist.

They’re simply charming.

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. is a show that has dragged my expectations around in a very erratic manner since it began. I missed a couple of episodes because life happened, but I am pleased to say I am all caught up now.

I loved the third and fourth episodes, but I’m slightly less crazy about the others. Don’t get me wrong, I am certainly enjoying it, it’s funny, has a good amount of fight scenes (but not an overabundance, where a lot of shows go wrong), but it is one of those shows that I’m a little bit embarrassed to watch if an uninterested party is in the room. Perhaps I’m just being overly cynical. Obviously, I’m going to keep watching it – I would be far, far sadder to see it go than I would to see it continue on in this caliber.

If you are looking for another episode of Mum’s Reviews (and who isn’t) like a couple of weeks ago, I’m sorry, but this week, Grey’s Anatomy took up the entirety of her attention during the episode, except for one Agents of SHIELD scene which induced me to say “WHAT” loudly, to which mum replied, “Is it believable?”

This was the scene in the hotel room when Skye’s surprise boyfriend, Miles, said he had been missing Skye like crazy.

(And no, not all that believable for me)

Also, thanks to Skymiles (are the writers doing this on purpose?), the latest episode really sent Skyward downward.

Shame.

But none of this changes the fact that Fitzsimmons are a pair of magical meerkats, and Coulson is a beauty. So of course I like the show.

Cabin Pressure is something else with which I am slowly catching up, and taking my sweet time too, in order to savor each delicious one-liner. If you are unfamiliar with this fabulous piece of ear candy, it is an audio comedy released by BBC One radio. Full of British humor and spectacular voice actors (Oh look, Benedict Cumberbatch is in there too), it’s a lot like Fawlty Towers set in an airplane.

What’s that?

You haven’t watched Fawlty Towers?

Well, in that case, it’s a lot like Cabin Pressure set in a hotel (And it has John Cleese in it. I rest my case). Go partake of both, and then come back here and laugh at everyone who isn’t enjoying life as much as they could be.

Now then, just one more thing before I go – but you’ve probably heard the news already.

It was spread fastest by the unified superfan shriek heard everywhere within three miles of civilization, after all. But in the case you have not yet been alerted, then know this —

The Sherlock season 3 air date has been released.

January 19th.

Yes, this January.

I know man it’s just so soon

How weird is it going to be when, as an entire fandom, we have no hiatus to weep about for nearly three weeks? People won’t even be able to recognize us anymore.

This day was always coming, I suppose.

Ready yourselves, Sherlockians. Today, that day is nearer than ever it was before.

*gently dabs away tears with handkerchief*

But anyway.

Thanks for catching up with me, dearies! If you have any experiences related to the above topics, I would love to hear about them in the comments.

Here’s to all our future adventures, fictional and otherwise.

Someone Really Wanted Our Initials to Spell Out “SHIELD”

Everyone loves autumn. Leaves changing, sweaters rejoicing in their renewed employment, pumpkin spice being added to everything you’ve ever considered eating, and television shows reminding you that you will probably not have evening plans ever again (or at least not for the remainder of the season).

Speaking of which, I watched the Agents of SHIELD pilot last night.

 

This is not a proper review, but it is certainly not spoiler-free, so if you’re planning on watching it with a clean slate, I’d suggest abandoning the internet (including this post) entirely until you do.

The most looked-forward to bit of this episode was probably Phil Coulson, in case you hadn’t guessed by his Captain America-esque pose at the forefront of the group. Look at him. He’s just so… not dead.

As most of you will remember, Agent Coulson died in The Avengers. Like, there-was-no-way-he-could-have-survived dead.

One of the myriad reasons I watched this pilot was to find out how he survived. I had a theory, of course. SHIELD from the Marvel comics had, and regularly used, robots they called “life-model-decoys.” (Tony Stark references them in the first twenty minutes of The Avengers) They were basically super-duper-realistic copies of real people, and they were used to do things that real people didn’t want to do.

I figured that dead Phil Coulson was really not-even-alive-in-the-first-place Phil Coulson.

So I watched the pilot to see if I was right.

And for the first ten minutes, I was treated only to Phil’s cute little comments about being dead. Also vacationing in Tahiti.

I squirmed. Come on, Marvel, you know your fans; you can’t seriously think that we’re going to let this go with no explanation.

At the end of the scene, however, after Phil wandered away from Agent Maria Hill and a certain doctor, the two left behind looked after him sadly. The scientist turned to Agent Hill and said,

“Tahiti. He really doesn’t know, does he?”

“He can never know.”

When Agent Maria Hill uttered those four words, I let out a noise that, looking back, probably wasn’t necessary, nor comforting to my mum, who was sitting behind me, and I suspect, giving me weird looks.

But anyway, the noise was because I had thought about the possibility of Loki skewering life-model-decoy Phil.

I had not thought of the possibility of Loki skewering real life Phil, and SHIELD replacing him with life-model-decoy Phil who believes he’s real life Phil. Pandorica-Rory style.

Only time will tell if this idea becomes canon, but until then, I’m sticking to my theories. (If any of you guys have any, by the way, I’d love to hear them)

Anyway, the episode progressed in a similarly delightful fashion, one of the many high points being when one scientist character said,

“Will you be joining us on our little journey into mystery?”

I see what you did there, Marvel.

Now that I’ve seen the pilot, I’ve learned a few things since I did the Agents of SHIELD trailer breakdown a few months ago. The dude I used to know as Ultimate Spider-Man is actually Mike Peterson, and the young woman I’d dubbed “Covergirl” is named Sky. Or is she? Another thing I guess we’ll discover in later episodes.

Speaking of Sky, she and agent Ward managed to set themselves up for, at the very least, merciless shipping, and at most, a canonical office romance. Nothing ignites the flame like a little hostility on first meeting, right? I mean, I’ve seen television. I know how this works.

And even if they don’t become a thing, which is totally okay and even a little groundbreaking, considering the played-out nature of most TV romances, you have to admit that “Skyward” is probably the most intensely magnificent ship name ever.

Another thing you should know about Sky is that she has been a cosplayer, a fact discovered while the intense Agent Ward was being a jerk to her in the interrogation room.

“She’s probably one of those sweaty cosplay girls who crowds around Stark Tower.”

(Sweaty? Aca-scuse me?)

To which Sky replied by being flustered and then muttering,

“One time.”

The plot itself, which I have barely mentioned yet (this is why I’m not a review blog), mainly consisted of Mike Peterson and his struggle with his superpowers, given to him by a serum-wielding doctor whose intentions and background were rather foggy (don’t do drugs, kids).

About twenty minutes into the show, Mike began having unexplained rages, and went to visit this doctor to discuss them. She explained very little except to reference Extremis (WAT) and say,

“The people who gave me this technology are very serious about this.”

Then she said that “the last guy” who got the serum that Mike had received went nuts. About half a minute after she told him this, Mike went nuts. As he crawled out the window, angry at the doctor, and half-way to blowing up due to the serum he’d received from her, the doctor shook her head and said,

“This is a disaster.”

Mike looked back at her and said,

“No. It’s an origin story.”

^ This character went from zero to self-aware in twenty minutes. Ambitious.

In case you were worried, the agents of SHIELD got to him before he blew up and everyone went home happy. Sky, not actually an agent, was even  invited into the fold at the end of the episode, as Agent Phil Coulson took her for a drive in Lola, the most beautiful vehicle to grace my screen for a long while.

The show ended with Phil Coulson getting a call about an “O-83.” Sky spoke for us all and asked what that meant. With a smile, Coulson turned to Sky and told her she had ten minutes to decide if she really wanted to know. Sky, the rookie, expressed her skepticism that Lola could get them anywhere in just ten minutes.

Possibly-life-model-decoy Coulson smirked and flicked a switch.

And then… something happened.

I will sometimes complain about cheesiness, but truth is, as Lola purred to life and her tires turned outwards and propelled her off the ground Back-to-the-Future style, I smiled. Okay. Flying cars. Why should that be harder to swallow than flying humans?

And it’s an O-83, after all. Where they’re going, they don’t need roads.

Time for Some Thrilling Heroics

Heroes stand up for what is right.

They respect themselves.

They respect others.

They respect the law.

They even respect the lawmakers (occasionally).

However, if your personality makes these things less than convenient for you (i.e., you’re a bit of a dirtbag), then there are other options.

At the present time, it is socially acceptable to be a borderline scummy superhero. Many mainstream heroes have given us very comprehensive tutorials for balancing your desire to help others with your desire to sass the entire population of earth.

Take Tony Stark, for example. If you are a young person (preferably a genius) who has a lot to offer, you can easily make sure no one forgets you. And when I say you “have a lot to offer,” I mean that you “have a lot.” That’s right. If you’re filthy stinking rich, the whole ballgame gets a lot more simple (also shown by Batman).

Being rich, entitled, and impervious to good influences also frees you up to feed your diva tendencies. Do something your underlings would expect rich entitled people to do, like build an enormous building with your name on it, or purchase expensive, massive stuffed animals for your loved ones (or loved one, as the case may be).

Admittedly, those ideas are a little overboard, but you catch my drift.

I understand that not everyone is a billionaire, so another hero you can take a cue from is Wolverine. He went from being an irritable assassin with alcohol and authority problems to an irritable X-man with alcohol and authority problems. The only change he really had to make at the beginning of his career was to kill a couple fewer people per day than normal.

If you don’t have the homicidal urges necessary to be a convincing Wolverine, nor the finances to be an Iron Man, you might want to look into the Thing. In this unique bracket, you can be the standard, upstanding hero, with the slight difference that you’re perpetually grumpy, kind of hate everything, and your given dialogue seems to be largely written by a seven-year-old boy with questionable examples of masculinity in his life.

But maybe being a dual dirtbag/superhero is not for you?

If you would rather be a terrible person before you go about your heroics, to get it all out of your system, you’re not alone. Many heroes have done it this way.

Thor Odinson is a good case to look at.

This shining example of a hero very nearly started a war between his kingdom and that of Jotunheim before he realized he was being a moronic egomaniac.

So can you!

You could even pull a Sylar and spend three and a half seasons years giving gory head lacerations to everyone within reach and then suddenly and inexplicably turn into someone you’d invite to your daughter’s baptism.

You have options.

See, In fiction, we do love our damaged superheroes, but as our world is currently non-fiction, we have a surplus of damage and a less-than-optimal amount of superheroes.  What’s up with that?

he·ro

ˈhi(ə)rō

noun

 a person who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities.

This description is in no way exclusive to people with psychopathic tendencies, so please don’t be discouraged if you aren’t as much of a jerk as the heroes I’ve listed in this post.

After all, the world needs more heroes, and far, far fewer dirtbags.