Trailer Breakdown of The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

Last December, the first part of The Hobbit hit theaters, and minds everywhere exploded. Mainly due to the fact that they would have to wait a year for the next one. Well, friends? The wait is over.

Well, not over. In fact, the preview is finally out, so that might make the wait harder. But, hey, here’s to six more months! If you have not seen it yet, you can watch the official teaser for The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug here. For everyone else, let’s talk about this trailer.

Paramount Pic – Wait, no, this is a shot from the film. Forget I said anything.

“Where does your journey end?”

“You seek that which would bestow upon you the right to rule.”

“The quest to restore a homeland and slay a dragon.”

You know that’s right. Is it just me, or does Thorin look a little less glamorous than the internet made him out to be last December? Six months of hiatus will do that to a character. Also, fighting Orcs and living in caves. Hair is probably the least of his worries. He and Loki should meet up and talk it out.

The barrel scene!

The treetop scene!

The barrel scene!

Tarzan-esque Elves scene?

(That’s beyond our borders. You must never go there, Simba.)

An Elf draws his bow. It’s really time for this Elf/Dwarf hostility to end. It’s getting us no –

“Do not think I won’t kill you, Dwarf.”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Massive demon bear?

Chill out everyone, the Hobbit has a toothpick sword.

Arwen! You’re looking fabulously intense, as usual. **UPDATE: Nope. False alarm, it’s a brand-new Elf chick. This is not the Elf you’re looking for, move along.

“It is not our fight.”

“It is our fight.”

Well, that settles that. Good talk, guys.

Treat yourself to this shot of Bilbo sliding down a hill of gold coins, Scrooge McDuck style.

“What if it’s a trap?”

“It’s undoubtedly a trap.”

It gives me great joy to see Magneto and the Seventh Doctor talking things over.

What? This movie is a LOTR/X-Men/Sherlock/Doctor Who crossover, isn’t it?

That’s a quality word. They should put it in the title.

“Such is the nature of evil. In time, all foul things come forth.”

Oh, good, everyone’s least favorite subplot character! 

 Yes. All my yes. This scene, right here, this is going to be epic.

Care to expound?

“If you awaken that beast,”

“You will destroy us all.”

… Will Turner? Who’s manning the Flying Dutchman?

“I wonder if this movie’s going to be shot in 3D?”

~No one ever

“Was that an earthquake?”

“That, my lad,”

Yeah, take your sweet time turning around, Balin. It’s not like any of us are in mortal danger.

“Was a dragon.”

December 13th, 2013. 

Come on, Sherlock Smaug, John Bilbo has a lot more reason to be cross with you than you with him. He just wants to be your friend.“I don’t have ‘friends.'”

A Study in Boredom

You know the feeling. It starts when you begin to feel trapped. Somehow, you’re unable to do something you want to do, or maybe there’s nothing you want to do. If you’re a writer, it feels like a much broader version of writer’s block – nothing going on in your head is working for you.

Dull. Uninteresting. Unsatisfying. Boring. And somehow, being bored is never quite as glamorous as the gentleman above makes it look.

I don’t know about the rest of you, but when I was younger, I would march out to my mom to complain about my crippling boredom, and I would promptly be assigned a chore to do. It made me wonder whether Mom was purposefully not entertaining me in order to bore me into a trap. (It’s not a bad idea, actually)

The chores did not help, but the long minutes of resentfully stuffing silverware into the kitchen drawers did set in my mind that I had better figure out how to entertain myself in the future. But when you think about it, that’s what everyone is trying to do, isn’t it? The worst thing about boredom is a feeling of uselessness. You’re not doing anything, not accomplishing anything. A desire for purpose is what pushes every man and woman towards greatness, even if that purpose is simply to make others aware of theirs, or to rid them of the boredom you are currently fleeing.

Boredom can be useful, even beneficial, so long as it inspires you to drag yourself out of it. Don’t get me wrong – I understand that inactivity can be unspeakably glorious at times. But people were not created to do nothing all the time.

And when we say that there’s nothing we can do, or even worse, nothing to do – Stop.

Come on.

Don’t be an old sponge with hair hanging off of it. [Gus]

If you’re reading this, then you’re on the internet. The internet is full of things you don’t know or haven’t seen. Go on and find one.

Now look around you. It’s even better than the internet out there. There are far more things unknown, sights unseen, feelings unfelt, and songs unsung.

“This is one corner of one country, in one continent, on one planet that’s a corner of a galaxy that’s a corner of a universe that is forever growing and shrinking and creating and destroying, and never remaining the same for a single millisecond. And there is so much, so much to see.”

~ The Doctor

The strength of your boredom has nothing on the strength of the things that there are to pull you out of your boredom.

You’ll still be bored at some point. But remember, after you’re through with that, then use boredom against itself. Turn it on its head and use it to inspire you to do something you love or to help you love others.

Be a victor.