Trailer Breakdown for a Wrinkle in Time

The good news is that this year, the Disney D23 expo didn’t stop for breath. There was the Edna Mode feature, the bite-sized Wreck-It Ralph 2 teaser, the Star Wars Ep. VIII Behind-the-Scenes featurette, and way more. However, one bit of news caught my attention the most, and to no one’s surprise, I’m about to start yelling about it.

A Wrinkle in Time,  my long-time, all-time favorite book is being adapted for the big screen (in a second and hopefully better-fated attempt). I promise, I could not be more excited.

Feast your eyes on the official Wrinkle in Time trailer here, then head back here for circle time. I have one or two discussion points I want to go over.

Yeah, um, okay is it too early to start talking about symbolism?? And subtext??? Meg Murry, this wonderfully screwed-up girl who has such a huge image problem that she purposely exhausts her audience by never shutting up about it and picking fights at school because it’s the only thing she can think of to do with her personality help I’m shaking????

 

“What if we are here… for a reason?”

Oh my gosh. I literally could not be listening closer. Talk to me about greater purpose, I’ll eat it the hECK up

The cinematography is already making me cry, but through my joy-induce bleariness, I can tell that Calvin, mister-star-of-the-basketball-team is probably in this scene, staying hidden until he’s relevant (and aren’t we all).

“What if we are part of something truly divine?”

“Imagine! Ninety-one billion light years traveled – “

I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that this number has some special significance. Look, Mr. Murry, after a certain amount of “billions,” all normal people hear is “a lot.”

” – Like that.”

(Nightmare version of Sweet Dreams begins to play)

I wasn’t sure until this moment in the trailer, but I am over the moon that Disney has this movie taking the trippy route. This book wrote the book on trippy.

Starring the winter night sky in Animal Crossing: New Leaf

“Your father has accomplished something extraordinary.”

The book began after Everything With Dad™ went down, so I’m stoked we get to see Meg and her dad looking happy. That warms my heart.

Kay now let’s get to the spooky stuff

“Also dangerous.”

LOOK WHO JUST BECAME RELEVANT

Let me explain something real quick. I loved Wrinkle in Time and its characters for a number of reasons, but up there in the top ninety-one billion was how protective of each other Meg and Calvin become after 9.1 seconds of getting to know each other.

That in mind, I usually try not to include dark, cloudy screenshots in these breakdowns because a fading scene means it’s time to start thinking about the next scene, but I’m just not ready to stop thinking about this scene

Turn up your screen’s brightness, I’m talking about THIS SCENE RIGHT HERE

Okay, all right, there are more things that happen in the trailer. Like isolation and darkness.

“He’s trapped by a darkness…”

Hearing Oprah’s voice creeping through a voiceover is eerie and calming at once. I guess that’s what the book was all about.

“… That’s actively spreading throughout the universe.”

Still,  Oprah’s Book Club means something new to me now.

Here, we get our first look at Mindy Kaling as Mrs. Who, and the house of actual dreams.

Calvin and Meg make up exactly 2/3 of the people that I should see in this scene. #OperationFindCharlesWallace

“And the only one who can stop it -“

Mrs. Who is looking for Charles Wallace too

“Is you.”

MY GIRL

“Be a warrior.”

“I’ll try.”

MY *sniffs* GIRL

Mrs. Whatsit makes an appearance! Using her semi-psychic powers to find Charles? Time will tell.

Honestly the use of colors and sharp, angular imagery gives me a lot of hope that this movie is going to be the Dr. Strange of children’s science fiction movies. You know what I’m talking about?

I’m there.

Found: One six-year-old boy. Answers to Charles Wallace. Please tell his family and any concerned parties that he’s okay (except for the imminent danger)

Also Found: Three possible angels. Answer to light telepathy and quotations from long-dead poets.

Aunt Beast?? Malevolent creatures??? Various strange beings???? I’m sold I don’t even care

While I don’t know if anything or anyone will ever beat his performance as the Joker in Lego Batman, I’m still pretty fired up to see Zach Galifinakis play a walking pun.

The more landscape scenes we get, the more years are added to my life.

“You’re going to be tested every step of the way.”

HO BOY

These scenes are getting to be rapid-fire now. I’m kicking into brief-analysis mode. Calvin’s in trouble (probably because he and Meg are not holding hands)

Meg’s upset (probably because she and Calvin are not holding hands) and Charles Wallace is just sort of preparing for death

Mr. Jenkins is making the most Mr. Jenkins-esque face possible (confused, ill-tempered, and almost crying)

Chris Pine is in agony

“Trust nothing.”

The quick pace grinds to a halt as we enter the neighborhood from that one suburbia episode of X-Files, or maybe the neighborhood that Edward Scissorhands’ girlfriend was from. Or it could be place where Chuck  Bartowski and Sarah went undercover in their second season. I can’t put my finger on it, but it’s like, 1000% evil, and that’s all I know.

“Darling! Time for dinner!”

Do you think Charles Wallace wishes he were tall enough to be in any of the shots? Or do you think he’s above that kind of thinking?

“Are you lost?”

Literally or emotionally? (in either case, the answer is yes)

Me when people tell me I’m being too dramatic

In every shot of this trailer, Meg looks more ready to face monsters than she did in the last. Which, I think, makes Calvin’s expressions even better by comparison.

New Zealand is just the place to be if you want to be a magical creature fighting evil, I guess. Look out for hobbits.

The youngest Murry makes a final, fierce appearance to make sure you don’t forget that you wouldn’t have even MET any of these people if it weren’t for ME, Meg, you wanted to hide in the house and cry about drifters in the neighborhood and how you weren’t pretty enough and Mr. Jenkins hated you and oh my GOSH

“The only thing faster than light is the darkness.”

One cheerless quote to tie it all together.

On that note? Join me for a glorious story about love, family, and hope in the spring of 2018.

I’m gonna be there, and I’m gonna be screaming.

Trailer Breakdown for The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

 

Yesterday, the benevolent spirits known as Warner Brothers sent us a gift we’ve waited nearly three Christmases for: The official trailer for The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies. That’s right. Doesn’t it feel like just yesterday when you were a little bit disappointed by An Unexpected Journey? And like just last night you were joyfully surprised by The Desolation of Smaug?

Well, morning has come, and the moment has once again presented itself for you to get emotionally invested in Middle Earth.

Okay, I know this is no way to start a breakdown, but they aren’t even trying to make this not look like a Sherlock episode now. Look at that empty chair across from him. It’s season two all over.

“One day,  I’ll remember.

“I’ll remember everything that happened.

Foreshadowing shot? Nah.

“The good, the bad…

What a cute little town

sWEET MOther of pearl

“Those that survived, and those that did not.”

Move along, no forshadowing here. These are not the plot twists you’re looking for.

♪”A mist behind, the world ahead,

YES. This song is my jam. Pippin, I missed you so hard.

Merry Christmas, I got you heartbreak and an overhanging melancholy

♪”There are many paths to tread.

That, my friend, is the look of someone who was volunteered to help tear down after a get-together. We feel you, Kili.

Fun Fact: If you look at this image for sixty seconds without blinking, you’ll start crying for all sorts of different reasons!

♪”Through shadow to the edge of night,

Ah, yes. This December, witness: The meaningful stares…

… And the Mulan parallels.

♪”Until the stars are all alight.

And see the defining chapter, featuring: the meaningful stares…

♪”Mist and shadow,

… And the Mulan parallels.

You know, the saga starring the meaningful stares.

Oh. And…

… The Frozen parallels?

♪”Cloud and shade…”

“You have peace or war!”

That’s almost a great title for a book, thought Bilbo, the budding novelist.

♪”All shall fade.”

“I will have war.”

Badly done, Emma. Thorin, my old friend. Think this through. Look, if you would just turn to your left, I bet you’d get some valuable insight.

Yes, sound advice indeed.

I have to apologize for this. See, I briefly considered trying to get a cool action shot of Thranduil, but I think this was the better decision.

And good golly, I’m on a roll.

♪”All shall…

Looks like someone let the “Pale Orc” comments get to him. Look at that healthy, sun-kissed glow.

You know what’s cool about the Hobbit? It is an important source of representation for those of us who want to have adventures, but are certain we’d spend its entirety with that exact face. 

Mm. You can feel these shots. 

And now a word from the makers of the Hobbit: PLEASE SEE IT IN 3D, WE SPENT SO MUCH MONEY ON THIS

… But all 3D bashing aside, I have to admit that the eye of Sauron in 3D is a pretty good motivator for a 2.5 hour headache.

♪”… Fade.”

“Will you follow me one last time?”

Whatever Thorin, thought Gandalf. It’s not like it could get any worse. I’m so over you tiny little chumps running around like you own the place. I’m the only one who does any real work here. I should lead my own revolution.

– Actual Quote From the Hobbit by Jerry Tolkien

I don’t want to go into battle. I want to stay alive and let my hair flow in the wind as I ride through Rivendell, firing arrows into the sunset.

(This internal dialogue could belong to either one of these two long-haired archers. Feel free to draw your own conclusions.)

And then there’s our hero:

…

But in all seriousness, I’m pretty sure their unanimous decision was “Yes, but I refuse to act like I ever agreed to, you tiny dictator.”In other news, you are unspeakably excited about this movie, and there is nothing you can do about it.

Now jump up and down with me.