Career Mapping for the Fictionally Inclined Part 4

Looking for work in this economy (really, any economy) is a less-than-pleasurable task.

You may well find that you need a more streamlined job field, one that lists jobs that apply to a specific type of career-seeking person. That’s the purpose of this series –  to find out which fictional careers best suit you and I.  Part 1, part 2, and part 3 covered seventeen of them, but the supply is not nearly exhausted. Join me as I widen my job search to include seven new occupations.

Commander

Upside: You are picked for this occupation because you can kick butt  better than anyone else, not to mention you make sure that the butt kickee never bothers you again. As evidenced by the gif, whatever you do, you look wicked awesome doing it, [spoiler alert] and you can defeat an entire race of supposedly hostile aliens. All this at the ripe old age of twelve. Go you!

Downside: Supposedly hostile. Supposedly. And genocide is not typically something you want on a twelve-year-old conscience, even if you were tricked into it. Congratulations, you’re three-quarters of the way to having a full physical and emotional breakdown. (For those of you who saw the movie, here is where you may recall that Asa Butterfield [Ender] was on the verge of tears for the better part of two hours)

Burglar

Upside: Well, if you’re of the Hobbit Burglar division, then your upside becomes lovely indeed. Travel, adventure, new… friends companions (?). The chance to prove to others that you’re no ordinary hobbit, and that you still have some Tookish blood in you. And then, when it’s all over, you have the immense pleasure of still being just as Hobbit-ish as you were before, smoking pipes, drinking tea, and being cuddly.

Downside: Those new companions I mentioned earlier are rarely (though occasionally) people you would call up again after your initial adventure. Also, they are occasionally dragons. And at some point in your very, very dangerous adventures, you will find yourself thinking of your comfortable rocking chair in your comfortable Hobbit-hole. (It won’t be the last time you think it.)

Blogger

Upside: Flexible hours – you current bloggers know this bit already. Also, if you do it right, you can set yourself up with a nice flatmate who does enough interesting things to keep your blog readable and intriguing. You feel things deeply and care for the people around you. As a result, you are a treasured friend.

Downside: As I said, emotions run deep with you. Grief, then, must be among those – it manifests itself in different ways according to the occasion, of course. But whether it shows up in the form of PTSD or an unexpected mustache, it’s never a pleasant situation. And your best friend is dead. Or maybe just very deceptive. Or maybe just scared of your mustache.

The Dark One

Upside: Extensive use and mastery of magic. Capable of occasional strong bursts of feeling. Sweet-looking dagger with your name on it. 

Downside: That’s it. Those are the only things that will ever go well with you. I hope you’re okay with every single aspect of the rest of your life going straight down the nearest gutter. You have a nasty curse on you, you run around tearing people’s hearts out, no one trusts you even when you do have a burst of feeling (except for that one person you kidnapped, you monster), and your skin looks that of a slimy basketball. How did that happen? And don’t even get me started on your family tree. *goes off on a rant*

Member of VFD

Upside: Access to a wealth of codes and knowledge held only by Volunteers. The power to do a lot of good in the world.  A very cool tattoo is even included in the deal (or at least, it was before the schism) and you are provided with a, shall we say, unusual education that often commences with your being dragged by the ankles from your home. You might think that belongs in the downside area, but… yeah, actually, it probably does.

Downside: Your, shall we say, unusual education often commences with your being dragged, by the ankles, from your home. And all that power to do good is inevitably misconstrued by fellow members as the power to do the other thing. With this career comes a lot of weeping, sobbing, wailing, crying, and the creation of many miserable books.

Incredibly Handsome Criminal Genius and Master of All Villainy

Upside: (said in a louder voice) Incredibly handsome criminal genius and master of all villainy. You know all you need to. Fit and strangely charismatic, blue skin (upside or downside?), necktie-shaped facial hair, massive brain, just enough of a misunderstood hero to appeal to the masses, and a  very large potential for doing good, if you can be convinced (and you can be) to turn your life around.

Downside: If you choose not to turn your life around, you will find yourself spiraling downward in a very Dr. Horrible-esque fashion. And, in the immortal words of Megamind himself, “I’m the bad guy! I don’t save the day, I don’t fly off into the sunset, and I don’t get the girl.”

Snow-Enthusiastic Queen

Upside: According to the two snow-enthusiastic queens that come to mind, your homelands of choice are either Narnia or the animated world of Disney. Holla! Lots of power of the governing-people type, enough without having to mention that you can also control ice and snow, and therefore have the ability to make one heck of an awesome-looking castle. Also? Snowmen all year long.

Downside: You’re rarely a good person, and if you are deep down, you’re certainly going through something of a rough patch. If you can control your ice-making ability, then you have a good chance of being inclined to become an irredeemably evil and creepy murderess (just from what I’ve seen), and if you cannot control your ice-making, then, well, you are probably just having a really bad time and are estranged from your kingdom and family (just from what I’ve seen).

However, there’s a score of other queens to choose from if “queen” remains your preferred career path. You may look into being a step-mother queen. That’s a road well-traveled, and you’ll have a lot of other people’s experience to learn from.

This concludes today’s look at the work field. I know that I have forgotten or overlooked a few, and if you recall them, I would love to know what they are! Some of today’s occupations were suggestions, because, as I have discovered, I do not think of everything.

It’s very inconvenient.

Or, on the flipside, if I have encouraged you to pursue a certain line of work, then once again, I’d love to hear about it.

Happy hunting!