The-Actual-Trailer-Breakdown for How To Train Your Dragon 2

The actual trailer for How to Train Your Dragon 2 was released quite  a while ago, but as I griped enough about the HTTYD 2 teaser in my barely-even-a-trailer-breakdown, it seemed as though I should follow through with the new one. And, also, I rather enjoy watching trailers over and over again. Shocking, I know.

In any case, you know the drill by now – watch the official trailer here, and then swing back around and we’ll break it down! (bad 90’s pop music plays in the background)

(Music is mercifully interrupted by the melodic sound of Hiccup’s voice)

“We’ve really got to work on your solo gliding there, buddy.”

::Bask in the patented Dreamworks animal expression::

Rejected title for How to Train Your Dragon 2: How to Sass Your Dragon Trainer

“Toothless!

You’re pouting, big baby boo?”

“Mraarraar”

“Well, try this on!

Aw, you feeling it yet?

Yeah, you wouldn’t hurt a one-legged -“

What was the end of that sentence? Was it, by chance, viking?

Because despite the adorable terrified face, that doesn’t sound as helpless as you probably intended.

“Whoa, whoa, whoawhoa!”

“Haha!”

♪Reindeers Dragons are better than people, Sven Toothless, don’t you think I’m riiight? ♫

“This is Berk. Life here is amazing.”

We discussed young Hiccup’s surprisingly agreeable facial evolution in the last breakdown, so I’m just going to let you throw in a mental dialogue of your own right here. Go on.

“Dragons used to be a bit of a problem, but now they’ve all moved in!”

Disclaimer from Dreamworks: These are trained professionals. This is actually not a good way to fix all pest problems.

Oh, quick question – Is there Why isn’t there an Oscar for cutest animated picture?

… And with Vikings on the backs of dragons – the world just got a whole lot bigger.”

Just think how many more people would major in history if this had really been the case.

“What happened here?”

Hm, just something that happens at a certain age. In your case, your beard starts coming in, you grow into your jawline, and suddenly all the girls are fawning over you. Just learn to bear it like a gentleman.

“What could have done this?”

Hormones. Oh wait, sorry, are we talking about the scenery?

Okay, that makes far more contextual sense.

You wanted a killer whale-like dragon rising from a cloud, you got a killer whale-like dragon rising from a cloud. 

You wanted – great googly moogly, no, no one wanted that.

Looks like I’m going to be using my summer days wisely.

“I’ll bet you think you know a lot about dragons…

… Let me show you some of what you don’t know.”

“…Okay, but I shot a Night Fury.”

“Should I know you?”

“No – you were only a babe…

News flash, woman, he’s still a babe. Time to throw out that past tense.

But a muhther never forgets.”

Abort. Abort mission. Your permission to call him babe has been revoked.

*gasp*

Shock: A reaction to any number of things, including (but not limited to) finding out your allegedly dead mother is alive, finding out your mother trains dragons just like you, or finding out your mother looks even less like you than your dad does. Next movie: How to Tell your Dragon-Trainer He’s Adopted.

“Yeah, sorry I let you believe I was dead for your entire life until now. I was very preoccupied dressing like a witch doctor. Are we good?”

“We are not good! Were you here the whole time? I can’t believe you didn’t contact me!”

“But, Hiccup… Dragons.”

“Good point.”

Too early to tell, but I may have just summarized the movie for you. Spoiler alert.

“Unbelievable – you’ve been rescuing them!”

Even all this cuteness makes it a little hard to forget a couple shots back where you looked more than a little like the Viking version of Maleficent.

*coos with joy in a very un-adult way*

Kids Corner // Do-it-yourself time! Here, insert your own reference to this exact scene as it was portrayed in Disney’s Pocahontas!

“Something is coming. Something you’ve never faced before.”

… anything like Vikings? Or dragons? I may have news for you, honey.

“The dragons are mine now.”

aw, he made a little frien

SWEET HEAVENS NO

“Protect our people. 

It’s your destiny.”

Disney/Dreamworks Merida cameo. PLEASE.

“If ye had the chance to cheange yur feat – Werdge you?”

Come on, Dreamworks, it’s already set in Scotland, pleease?

“What you’re searching for? It’s in here.”

Yet another potentially dangerous heart-misplacement mystery – solved. Thank you Astrid. I’m sure you were not just trying to inconspicuously feel his pec muscles. Who would do that? Pff.

“This is very dangerous!”

Don’t you train underprepared minors to fight dragons in the last movie?

“Oof!”

Ah, well, everyone knows an animated movie would flop if it weren’t for the token moronic adult characters.

“Are you kidding me?”

*sputters*

IF YOU DON’T GIVE ME SUFFICIENT CONTEXT I CANNOT MAKE SARCASTIC COMMENTS

You too, Hiccup, you and your girlfriend aren’t off the hook just because you’re all gorgeous now. Get your acts together and start doing more things I can make fun of.

“Come on, Toothless…”

Yeah, baby!”

I can almost hear that particular sound byte being recorded for the video game. Totally not a negative thing. You know we all would play it.
D’aww, I’m excited. Summer animated movie blockbusters make me smile.

(By the way, Smurfs, I’m very much not looking at you. Sit back down.)

“Dragons and Vikings, enemies again!”

A boy and his dragon – nothing quite as heartwarming.

I mean seriously, nothing. Nothing is cuter than this. 

Nothing.

I formally challenge you to find something more adorable than this.
“You know that doesn’t wash out!”

While you wear yourself out looking, I’ll be over here cradling a Toothless plushy toy until summer.

Career Mapping for the Fictionally Inclined Part 4

Looking for work in this economy (really, any economy) is a less-than-pleasurable task.

You may well find that you need a more streamlined job field, one that lists jobs that apply to a specific type of career-seeking person. That’s the purpose of this series –  to find out which fictional careers best suit you and I.  Part 1, part 2, and part 3 covered seventeen of them, but the supply is not nearly exhausted. Join me as I widen my job search to include seven new occupations.

Commander

Upside: You are picked for this occupation because you can kick butt  better than anyone else, not to mention you make sure that the butt kickee never bothers you again. As evidenced by the gif, whatever you do, you look wicked awesome doing it, [spoiler alert] and you can defeat an entire race of supposedly hostile aliens. All this at the ripe old age of twelve. Go you!

Downside: Supposedly hostile. Supposedly. And genocide is not typically something you want on a twelve-year-old conscience, even if you were tricked into it. Congratulations, you’re three-quarters of the way to having a full physical and emotional breakdown. (For those of you who saw the movie, here is where you may recall that Asa Butterfield [Ender] was on the verge of tears for the better part of two hours)

Burglar

Upside: Well, if you’re of the Hobbit Burglar division, then your upside becomes lovely indeed. Travel, adventure, new… friends companions (?). The chance to prove to others that you’re no ordinary hobbit, and that you still have some Tookish blood in you. And then, when it’s all over, you have the immense pleasure of still being just as Hobbit-ish as you were before, smoking pipes, drinking tea, and being cuddly.

Downside: Those new companions I mentioned earlier are rarely (though occasionally) people you would call up again after your initial adventure. Also, they are occasionally dragons. And at some point in your very, very dangerous adventures, you will find yourself thinking of your comfortable rocking chair in your comfortable Hobbit-hole. (It won’t be the last time you think it.)

Blogger

Upside: Flexible hours – you current bloggers know this bit already. Also, if you do it right, you can set yourself up with a nice flatmate who does enough interesting things to keep your blog readable and intriguing. You feel things deeply and care for the people around you. As a result, you are a treasured friend.

Downside: As I said, emotions run deep with you. Grief, then, must be among those – it manifests itself in different ways according to the occasion, of course. But whether it shows up in the form of PTSD or an unexpected mustache, it’s never a pleasant situation. And your best friend is dead. Or maybe just very deceptive. Or maybe just scared of your mustache.

The Dark One

Upside: Extensive use and mastery of magic. Capable of occasional strong bursts of feeling. Sweet-looking dagger with your name on it. 

Downside: That’s it. Those are the only things that will ever go well with you. I hope you’re okay with every single aspect of the rest of your life going straight down the nearest gutter. You have a nasty curse on you, you run around tearing people’s hearts out, no one trusts you even when you do have a burst of feeling (except for that one person you kidnapped, you monster), and your skin looks that of a slimy basketball. How did that happen? And don’t even get me started on your family tree. *goes off on a rant*

Member of VFD

Upside: Access to a wealth of codes and knowledge held only by Volunteers. The power to do a lot of good in the world.  A very cool tattoo is even included in the deal (or at least, it was before the schism) and you are provided with a, shall we say, unusual education that often commences with your being dragged by the ankles from your home. You might think that belongs in the downside area, but… yeah, actually, it probably does.

Downside: Your, shall we say, unusual education often commences with your being dragged, by the ankles, from your home. And all that power to do good is inevitably misconstrued by fellow members as the power to do the other thing. With this career comes a lot of weeping, sobbing, wailing, crying, and the creation of many miserable books.

Incredibly Handsome Criminal Genius and Master of All Villainy

Upside: (said in a louder voice) Incredibly handsome criminal genius and master of all villainy. You know all you need to. Fit and strangely charismatic, blue skin (upside or downside?), necktie-shaped facial hair, massive brain, just enough of a misunderstood hero to appeal to the masses, and a  very large potential for doing good, if you can be convinced (and you can be) to turn your life around.

Downside: If you choose not to turn your life around, you will find yourself spiraling downward in a very Dr. Horrible-esque fashion. And, in the immortal words of Megamind himself, “I’m the bad guy! I don’t save the day, I don’t fly off into the sunset, and I don’t get the girl.”

Snow-Enthusiastic Queen

Upside: According to the two snow-enthusiastic queens that come to mind, your homelands of choice are either Narnia or the animated world of Disney. Holla! Lots of power of the governing-people type, enough without having to mention that you can also control ice and snow, and therefore have the ability to make one heck of an awesome-looking castle. Also? Snowmen all year long.

Downside: You’re rarely a good person, and if you are deep down, you’re certainly going through something of a rough patch. If you can control your ice-making ability, then you have a good chance of being inclined to become an irredeemably evil and creepy murderess (just from what I’ve seen), and if you cannot control your ice-making, then, well, you are probably just having a really bad time and are estranged from your kingdom and family (just from what I’ve seen).

However, there’s a score of other queens to choose from if “queen” remains your preferred career path. You may look into being a step-mother queen. That’s a road well-traveled, and you’ll have a lot of other people’s experience to learn from.

This concludes today’s look at the work field. I know that I have forgotten or overlooked a few, and if you recall them, I would love to know what they are! Some of today’s occupations were suggestions, because, as I have discovered, I do not think of everything.

It’s very inconvenient.

Or, on the flipside, if I have encouraged you to pursue a certain line of work, then once again, I’d love to hear about it.

Happy hunting!