Google Searches and Talking to Smog

30 Jul

One of the most interesting things about life is the paths it takes you on, and what doors it opens for you whether or not you asked for them.

For instance: you are reading my blog. Imagine that.

You may be one of my followers, or you may have been a stranger until this exact moment. You may even be one of those people who came here by complete accident and then began flailing around frantically, trying to get out. This post is dedicated to those people.

When you have a blog with WordPress, you can check your stats and see how many people made their way to your blog. There’s a section on the stats page where you can see what terms were typed into search engines to help people find you. And I can tell you right now, most of the searches that brought people here were not fruitful.

So I thought I’d address those odd searches here – if you are looking for serious information on any of the following search terms that I dragged off of my stats page, you should probably look somewhere else.

Now –

busty girl problems

Busty Girl Problems is a webcomic for ladies that is hilariously accurate; furthermore, it is a webcomic I very briefly referred to in a post five months ago and never mentioned again. But that search term is still bringing people here.

Every time I click on “stats” and find out someone searched for Busty Girl Problems and was interrupted by my frighteningly chaotic fangirling, I ache a little on the inside. I’m sorry, guys.

say it out loud a fangirl

This was searched twice. What am I missing out on? It sounds remarkably like song lyrics. If any aspiring song-writers out there have way too much time on their hands and have lost control of their lives anyway, I would love for you to write me this song. If you do, I will personally make you a strawberry lemonade. I might drink it, but I will dedicate it to you.

hobbit elves

I can see it now.

“Hobbit-Elves. Fifty percent Hobbit. Fifty percent Elf. All adventure.”

When this movie happens (someone make this happen), I want all of us to get together and watch the B-movie of the century. Yes? I’ll bring nutella.

Bilbo talking to smog

Oh, you mean “Smaug.” That’s an easy one to misspell. Don’t worry, you’re not judged here.

"Bilbo Talks to Smog"

You may be made fun of, but not judged.

deadpool babysitting

Are you googling this because you signed up to babysit Deadpool and now you need help? Or are you looking to hire Deadpool to babysit your child? Either way, you should get off the internet and find professional help.

why is it taking so long to make httyd [HowToTrainYourDragon] 2?


sherlock firefly crossover

I don’t know if this search brought you any actual crossover fan art, fanfiction, or fanvid, but your dream is beautiful, and I hope it came true.

how does fandom feel about steven moffat

Well, anything said about fandom is going to be a generalization, but I’ll do my best: How do you feel when someone whom you care for holds your hand? And then takes a rusty razor to your hand and dunks it in lemon juice? And then offers you a new hand next season? And you have to wait three years for the next season Fandom feels a bit like that about Steven Moffat.

feel like i have been kicked in the shins when i have not

If this search term brought you to my blog instead of to the licensed physician you need to speak to, I apologize.

birthday party ideas teenagers fangirls sherlock who merlin

After you switch to decaf, I think you should definitely invite me to this party.

“fandom” “real life”

This one is my favorite, not for the terms, but because the Googler in question chose to place quotation marks around the terms. I believe the Googler must have heard these words spoken somewhere, but couldn’t understand the context; so, in a mist of confusion, said Googler sat down at his laptop and called to mind the strange new words he had heard that day.

“Fandom. Real life.” He sighed as he typed out the mysterious terms he had heard so much about. “Time to find out what you are.” He hit the search button.

And his life was never the same again.

41 Responses to “Google Searches and Talking to Smog”

  1. The Voyager July 30, 2013 at 8:33 am #

    1a. Why can’t -I- get funny search engine terms?? *whines*

    1b. Oh, actually, I just realized I have some. One of my favorites is:


    This humors me greatly.

    1c. I will probably steal this kind of post from you in the near future.

    2. Your Bilbo talking to smog graphic was beautiful.

    3. “fandom” “real life”. I died. The quotations are what really, really make it. haha

    • Emory July 30, 2013 at 9:26 am #

      asdfgjkl I love it. Be proud of that search term!
      Thank you for your kind words about my Bilbo graphic; I had way too much of a blast making it.
      And feel free to use this idea! It’s really fun to write!

  2. chindividual July 30, 2013 at 8:46 am #

    Someone, quick! Write a good Sherlock-Firefly fanfic!

    • Emory July 30, 2013 at 9:23 am #

      I, for one, would love to hear a conversation between Jayne and Moriarty.

      • snaffles July 30, 2013 at 10:43 am #

        I think that would be a short conversation – Vera might get involved. Now River & Moriarty – well I’ll make the popcorn.

      • Emory July 30, 2013 at 5:00 pm #

        YES. SO MUCH YES.

  3. Kayla Sanchez July 30, 2013 at 9:31 am #

    I didn’t know I needed a Sherlock/Firefly crossover until I read this post. And that person who asked about httyd2… Sweetheart, join the club. It’s going to be a long wait!

    • Emory July 30, 2013 at 9:37 am #

      Everything you just said goes double for me.

  4. whovian99 July 30, 2013 at 9:43 am #

    This is so hilarious!!! I really loved reading this, haha xDD OMG, I want to be a hobbit-elf!!! 😀

    • Emory July 30, 2013 at 10:26 am #

      I’m so glad you liked it! A hobbit-elf has a noble destiny! 😀

    • Mockingbird July 30, 2013 at 12:15 pm #

      I want to be a hobbit-elf too! Invite me to the party…

      • Emory July 30, 2013 at 5:01 pm #

        The more the merrier! 😀

      • whovian99 July 30, 2013 at 7:05 pm #

        Yes! 🙂

  5. Merrilee Lewis July 30, 2013 at 10:24 am #


  6. geekygirl91 July 30, 2013 at 1:08 pm #

    This really made my day! XD
    I’ve never payed attention to those searching terms but now I also looked for them on my blog,and many of them are seriously weird!

    Anyway,I’m having many hard days but this made me smile 🙂

    • Emory July 30, 2013 at 5:02 pm #

      I’m so happy to have made you smile! 🙂
      Aren’t the search terms interesting? They’re definitely worth analysis!

  7. youin5minutes July 30, 2013 at 2:12 pm #

    This is perfect in every way! my gosh! I was giggling through the whole thing! “fandom” “real life” he will never be the same again.
    and due to the comments, I have a sudden urge to write a fic about River and Moriarty. (after I finish my other Wholock fic, (I call it Johnwin), of course)
    as for Sherlock and Firefly, I will die of happiness when this happens! can you imagine?
    *Hounds of Baskervilles at the end solving the case in the moor* Sherlock says “Shiny” instead of “Neat” and John calls Sherlock “Captain Tight Shirt” YES! OK I might do this one too.:D

    • Emory July 30, 2013 at 5:59 pm #

      ohmygoodness. Your mind palace is the best place ever. If you ever want another reader for your fanfiction, send it my way! 😀

      • youin5minutes July 30, 2013 at 10:12 pm #

        haha! why thank you! I’ve got a Pondlock story on my Sherlock blog, It does have a rather sad ending though, but it sure was fun!

  8. youin5minutes July 30, 2013 at 2:20 pm #

    teehee one of my searches for my Doctor Who blog was “How to Write Jack Harkness Flirting” I hope I provided…. (I’ve got a little story where River meets Jack.) and
    “12th Doctor is Jenna Louise Coleman” oh dear my friend…

    • Emory July 30, 2013 at 6:00 pm #

      Hahahaha, awesome!

  9. Emily C. July 31, 2013 at 12:29 am #

    Ok, I know this was mostly your intent, but I think you’d appreciate I still helplessly cackled a few times. (seriously!) And am I weird for looking up some of those searches myself? 😀 😀 😀 Or reading the ‘fifty percent hobbit’ comment in a movie narrator’s voice? Or trying to remember what brought ME here? 🙂 (I know it wasn’t a botched search. one of your entries about sherlock or reading books or etc that was mentioned/linked on my sherlock forum, I think).
    (and ilu Bilbo-trying-to-reason-with-smog. “Smog, I’m sorry… I’ve just been feeling a bit… smothered by you lately……)

    • Emory July 31, 2013 at 9:19 am #

      Yay! I love to be the cause of cackles!
      Good job with the narrator voice! I was hoping to get people to read it that way!
      HAHAHAHA smothered by smog. Thank you. Thank you so much. xD

      • Emily C. July 31, 2013 at 10:36 am #

        *beams* (lol) (lol) Was quite delighted and helplessly grinning when that line occurred to me…. glad you liked it!

  10. Gemma July 31, 2013 at 4:13 am #

    After reading your post, I decided to trawl through my search terms to see how people have reached my blog. And dear god, what I have found made me laugh but also freaked me out with how weird they are 😛 I have seen so many people do this sort of post, so I figure its about time I do one, thanks for the inspiration dear ;D

    • Emory July 31, 2013 at 9:20 am #

      Anytime dear! Isn’t it strange finding out the things people google? I feel like a creeper for reading what they’ve googled, but I also feel like they deserve it, the weirdos! 😉 Not that I’ve never googled a strange thing before, but still…

      • Gemma July 31, 2013 at 5:33 pm #

        Hahahaha agreed! I wonder how many of them actually realise we can see how they got to our blog and that we expose them on a regular basis haha 😛

  11. whovian99 August 3, 2013 at 12:12 pm #

    Guys, have you seen the official Thor: The Dark World movie poster yet? EPIC

  12. Invisible Woman August 3, 2013 at 5:52 pm #

    Ultimate Win.
    You win the award of the hour for making me laugh, dear.

    • Emory August 4, 2013 at 8:50 am #

      Award of the hour!
      I’m honored to accept. Thank you, cupcake of loveliness.

  13. Kire August 4, 2013 at 6:58 pm #

    If I write you that song, could we drink strawberry lemonade together and have a movie night?

    • Emory August 4, 2013 at 9:23 pm #

      See, this is one of the reasons why you’re pretty much my favorite person.
      Also, YES.

  14. Emily C. August 5, 2013 at 9:04 pm #

    Hey! So… um… speaking of little news bits rendering fandoms all a’twitter lately, was wondering if you both had heard, and/or were going to write a reaction to the bbc teasing the heck out of us Sherlockians/Whovians lately with releasing the name of the finale villain (and his actor!), a 26-second-long trailer for Series Three (that still manages to make a lot of people hyper!), aaand… amazingly, maybe they’re as impatient as the rest of us (or just having an utter lark with it!) by also announcing the new Doctor!!! o.o o.o ;D ;D ;D

    • secondchanced August 6, 2013 at 6:03 am #

      I’m so darn excited about the Twelve!! At first, when they annouced him last Sunday, I didn’t know who he was or what to think. But these past 2 days, he’s really grown on me (if that’s possible). I’m so freaking excited!!! I can’t wait to see how he gets along with Clara, and what his Doctor will be like, and what his signature outift will be. 😀 What does everyone else think?

      • Emory August 6, 2013 at 10:31 am #

        I’m excited about Twelve as well! I’m very interested in the Clara/Twelve dynamic as well. I think(hope) it’ll be lovely. I hope to do a Who-flavored post soon, as soon as I get other stuff done. AND OHMYGOODNESS SHERLOCK SEASON THREE, YOU GUYS

      • secondchanced August 6, 2013 at 12:50 pm #

        Awesome!! I always look forward to new posts, and I’m really excited about the Who post you’ve promised. Also, GUYS THOR 2 TRAILER TOMORROW!!! SO excited!!! 😃

      • Emily C. August 6, 2013 at 3:07 pm #

        Eeeee…. I know! I was cautiously intrigued and uncertain too… part of me ‘huh, nice to see they’re mixing it up a bit.’, part ‘uh… who?’, part ‘huh… and known for sharp/snarkiness, and.. uh… actually almost a tiny creepy looking! could be interesting with Clara!’ ;D Cool…. was wondering what you’d say!!

        Nn… and seriously?? -Twenty-. -Six-. -Second-. trailer, that still got us all crazy again at nothing but a glimpse of faces/his return?? And! And, getting to find out that the eeevil guy to watch out for at the finale will be Charles Augustus Magnussen, obviously based on Charles Augustus Milverton, one of the more well-know and hated/enjoyed/fiendish/interesting canon villains, played by Lars Mikkelsen, older brother of the more well-known Mads Mikkelsen (who is also currently playing a super-bad super-fandom-cult-favorite baddie of Hannibal Lecter in the tv show of the same name!) *catches breath!* Talk about a lot of fandom ties and tongue-twisting M’s! 😀

      • secondchanced August 6, 2013 at 4:41 pm #

        Haha xDD Yeah, I was a bit stunned. I don’t know quite what or who I was expecting, but it wasn’t him. But like I said, he’s grown on me. I freaking love him now. I watched The Fires of Pompeii last night, and I kept thinking to myself, “Oh yes, he’s going to make a brilliant Doctor. Oh yes.”. 😀


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