Google Searches and Talking to Smog

One of the most interesting things about life is the paths it takes you on, and what doors it opens for you whether or not you asked for them.

For instance: you are reading my blog. Imagine that.

You may be one of my followers, or you may have been a stranger until this exact moment. You may even be one of those people who came here by complete accident and then began flailing around frantically, trying to get out. This post is dedicated to those people.

When you have a blog with WordPress, you can check your stats and see how many people made their way to your blog. There’s a section on the stats page where you can see what terms were typed into search engines to help people find you. And I can tell you right now, most of the searches that brought people here were not fruitful.

So I thought I’d address those odd searches here – if you are looking for serious information on any of the following search terms that I dragged off of my stats page, you should probably look somewhere else.

Now –

busty girl problems

Busty Girl Problems is a webcomic for ladies that is hilariously accurate; furthermore, it is a webcomic I very briefly referred to in a post five months ago and never mentioned again. But that search term is still bringing people here.

Every time I click on “stats” and find out someone searched for Busty Girl Problems and was interrupted by my frighteningly chaotic fangirling, I ache a little on the inside. I’m sorry, guys.

say it out loud a fangirl

This was searched twice. What am I missing out on? It sounds remarkably like song lyrics. If any aspiring song-writers out there have way too much time on their hands and have lost control of their lives anyway, I would love for you to write me this song. If you do, I will personally make you a strawberry lemonade. I might drink it, but I will dedicate it to you.

hobbit elves

I can see it now.

“Hobbit-Elves. Fifty percent Hobbit. Fifty percent Elf. All adventure.”

When this movie happens (someone make this happen), I want all of us to get together and watch the B-movie of the century. Yes? I’ll bring nutella.

Bilbo talking to smog

Oh, you mean “Smaug.” That’s an easy one to misspell. Don’t worry, you’re not judged here.

You may be made fun of, but not judged.

deadpool babysitting

Are you googling this because you signed up to babysit Deadpool and now you need help? Or are you looking to hire Deadpool to babysit your child? Either way, you should get off the internet and find professional help.

why is it taking so long to make httyd [HowToTrainYourDragon] 2?

YOU TELL ME.

sherlock firefly crossover

I don’t know if this search brought you any actual crossover fan art, fanfiction, or fanvid, but your dream is beautiful, and I hope it came true.

how does fandom feel about steven moffat

Well, anything said about fandom is going to be a generalization, but I’ll do my best: How do you feel when someone whom you care for holds your hand? And then takes a rusty razor to your hand and dunks it in lemon juice? And then offers you a new hand next season? And you have to wait three years for the next season Fandom feels a bit like that about Steven Moffat.

feel like i have been kicked in the shins when i have not

If this search term brought you to my blog instead of to the licensed physician you need to speak to, I apologize.

birthday party ideas teenagers fangirls sherlock who merlin

After you switch to decaf, I think you should definitely invite me to this party.

“fandom” “real life”

This one is my favorite, not for the terms, but because the Googler in question chose to place quotation marks around the terms. I believe the Googler must have heard these words spoken somewhere, but couldn’t understand the context; so, in a mist of confusion, said Googler sat down at his laptop and called to mind the strange new words he had heard that day.

“Fandom. Real life.” He sighed as he typed out the mysterious terms he had heard so much about. “Time to find out what you are.” He hit the search button.

And his life was never the same again.

Under the Influence

It’s really interesting, isn’t it, the way you become what you like?

I didn’t wear my peacoat nearly as much before I started watching Sherlock, and I certainly never left my collar up. Ever since White Collar, whenever I put on a hat, I try to spin it like Neal Caffrey and end up looking like I never quite mastered fine motor skills. My hair has been in milkmaid braids more times than I’d care to admit since I began to watch the Lizzie Bennet Diaries, and my nails are long and painted red right now. Not because they match my outfit, mind you. Because this.

It’s worth mentioning at this point that if you understood every reference I just made, I owe you a firm handshake and a root beer float.

There are some entertainment-induced tendencies I don’t pick up that I wish I would (mad archery skills, River Song’s hair, etc. ) and tendencies I do pick up that I wish I wouldn’t (spontaneous British accent at inappropriate times, and I recently used “totes,” in a conversation).

Pre-Nerd me would probably think I was some sort of lunatic if she could see me now. Though, to be perfectly honest, it would not (did not)  take long to convert her to the nerd side.

But how far is this going to go? I don’t want to wake up in a year and find that nothing I do or say or believe is in any way my own. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately.

The media tries really hard to remake people and tell them what to think. From beauty, to love, to infinity and beyond. I don’t even like people close to me to make big decisions for me. Why would I ever want the media to make them for me? I have to remind myself that although I may find that my emotions are often at the mercies of Joss Whedon, neither he nor his characters may touch me, my soul. That belongs to Someone Else, and I am its caretaker. I will not be, I am not one of the media’s puppets, and no matter how much it seems otherwise, I am not controlled by Steven Moffat. … I say this mainly because I assume that if I were, I’d most likely be dead by now (Pass up an opportunity to write something passive-aggressive about everyone’s favorite/most hated human being? Not this girl!).

Thanks for letting me rant. Every now and then, I get the urge to assert my free will. Thankfully, even after being the girl who had to replay the last few seconds of Lizzie Bennet Diaries #97 several times just to listen to three [beautiful] words over and over, I like to imagine that I have some aspects of my life at least kind of in control. That’s all anyone in this messed-up world can ask, right?

Perfectly sane, logical young woman – out.

And now that she’s gone, I really need to get something off my chest. Is it just me, or should no show ever be allowed to have as much backstory as Once Upon a Time has? Or as many new characters per episode? That show is turning me into a stark raving madwoman, please send help.

Okay, that’s really all now.

Have a spectacular day, friends!